To be utterly raging?

[InvisibleDisability]

We’re currently living with my in laws while we have house renovations done. We’ve been here 3 and a half months so far and likely another 1-2 months to go.

it’s safe to say in my MIL’s eyes I’ve never really been good enough for her little Prince (my husband). She expects wives to wait hand and foot on their husbands especially if they’re “housewives”.

my children are 5 and almost 1. As anyone knows, getting out the house for school run for example is difficult no matter how neatly you’ve laid everything out the night before.

so imagine my feelings at being bollocked at this morning by MIL at the fact that I’m “too disorganised” (her words), that I shouldn’t ever ask husband for help because “he works and it’s your job as a housewife to sort the kids and the house” , that I need to learn to “pace myself better” (but bear in mind if I dare to lie down for a rest, it’s frowned upon that I’m not doing chores, but if I am trying to keep up with chores I’m told I should be pacing myself). Oh and the icing on the cake: I’m “really hard to live with like this”

now please note I work my absolute arse off trying to keep up with the standards of tidying, cleaning, laundry, ironing etc. (but of course she said “there’s no tidying to do” 🙄) after doing the morning school run I get errands done out of the house etc, basically anything to avoid getting in their way (they spend the first 2-3hrs each day reading the papers and don’t like to be disturbed) and then return late morning to feed baby lunch then it’s his nap time while I get jobs done then by the time he wakes it’s time to head off to collect daughter from school.

and on top of all this, I have various chronic physical illnesses which leave me exhausted obviously but oh that’s not an excuse! And “you shouldn’t let those things define you!”

im really hurt, I have been crying on and off all day. Pls tell me if I’m being unreasonable for reacting like this.

Are you dustrubing them when doing the school run not picking up after yourselves? Leaving washing about. I wonder if she has a point? The living arrangements would drive me nuts.

You mention 'all the cleaning', are you doing everything for all 6 of you? Because if so, then it's a lot. If not, and if for example she's cooking for you too, then actually there will very much be 2 sides to this story. It does sound really hard for you, but likely also for them.

I don’t think the DH should “get her told” but he should have a word with his Mum on your behalf. About how hard this is for you, and your health conditions.

She sounds awful but you definitely need to move out asap.

Good God. You will have lived in the pils house for over 6 months and you have the gall to criticize them! They are saving you £3000 a month by letting you live there. They will have saved you 18k and you don't like the fact they moan? Well you can't have everything your own way. Move out if you don't see this as a good deal. Or suck it up. But stop biting the hand that feeds you

Yes rent a holiday let or something I wouldn't stay

I think tensions have reaching breaking point. MIL wasn’t going to blow her top towards the children. Your DH is out most of the day. You are always there, and so you’re the natural target for the boiling over of her pent up frustration.

Its never a good idea to move in with relatives for so many months. I wouldn’t hold it against her, she’s obviously just gone on a rant probably due to feeling overwhelmed by the fact you’re not leaving by Christmas as originally planned.

You and your DH need to sort housing. Your PILs have saved you what £18k? Surely you have it to now spend on temporary accommodation of some sort?

Yes I'd be interested To hear the other side of the story tbh.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter who is right or wrong, it's not working for you so you need to change things - find somewhere else to stay.

Definitely time to move out. Even just giving your PILs an end date will relieve the tension.

It sounds stressful for all of you; but you’ve been living rent free for weeks and weeks and you probably aren’t quite as great a houseguest as you think.

All of this!

Poor you. You've got so much on your plate. You can't go on like this.

YABU. Suck it up buttercup (or move out) By your own admission she is saving you 5 months of 3k rental payment. I too would like to hear your MIL POV.

Bide your time…when you have moved into the renovated house invite her round then treat her like shit. Karma as they say

I really don’t think you can complain about her whilst living in her home, especially as a stay at home mum. If you don’t like it move out. Or get a job and use child care. So you’re out the house.

it must be so cringe for you, if you need to ask for his help to get the kids ready or go for lie downs. In your own home there is no one there to judge, but when living in someone else’s there comes a time even minor shit makes you want to smack them,

yoive been there too long and are annoying each other. Move out.

You mean after she’s been living there rent free for 3 months.

Yes I do. lived with in laws for 3 months, rent free. Mil cried when we left. She is nice and not a rude old bag

I can't understand why you would have agreed to move in there in the first place as you clearly dislike her.

I like my MiL but wouldn't want to live with her for 6 months.
I very much love both my DiLs but can see how much the dynamics change when you have a 5 yr old and a baby in the house.

I would love to hear the other side of this story too.

It sounds tough all round. I think for the sake of your health & sanity you should invest in renting or rework Reno plans so you can move back sooner albeit sharing rooms

Living with someone for such an extended period - you are bound to rub each other the wrong way.

Your DH needs to stand up for you and tell his mum to stop criticising you. He also needs to step up and help with the house and kids.
It sounds like you might have a DH problem as well as a MIL problem!

Your mil has even told you direct, she’s struggling to live with you. And that’s ok. Most folks would struggle with a family moving in like this , two little kids and a parent who doesn’t work outside the home. They must feel like the house isn’t theirs. Small shit winds everyone up at this stage.

they offered for a certain period . Say thank you and move out as you promised. Don’t have your husband demanding she behaves a certain way. Just make arrangements to move to your own place now. Salvage the relationship and move on.

“my children are 5 and almost 1. As anyone knows, getting out the house for school run for example is difficult no matter how neatly you’ve laid everything out the night before.”

Actually not “as anyone knows”. Most people have the occasional hiccup (god love a baby poonami!) but don’t find that difficult regularly. To her, you probably do seem disorganised if it’s frequently a problem.

You need to be back in your own house. If you have a bathroom , electricity and heating you can usually work around other things.

What she said was mean and uncaring.

But it sounds as though the two of you don't get in very well and maybe she's been bottling this up. It's one blow up in 3.5 months. I think you've both done well not to have a bust up before now.

For the sake of family relationships, it's probably time you moved out. They've been extraordinarily generous and it's obviously taken its toll on everyone.

At the very least, can you move home while builders are finished for Christmas? Can you muster together a living area, bathroom and somewhere to sleep? Make it an adventure for the DC.

This obviously won't be possible if there's no heating, in which case maybe try air b n b.

They've been very generous. Don't make them feel like monsters now. Just take the opportunity to give everyone some space.

As a MIL who has an adult son and DIL living with us, I can only reiterate what @parietal said. You must ignore, ignore, ignore. Your MIL is equally as frustrated as you.
You are both different generations with different lifestyles at different life stages, you are living in your In Laws home, you must be mindful of that and I would suggest you bite your lip and try and forget it, don't let it spoil what was a previously probably a good relationship. Don't complain to your H either, you will put him in a difficult position. You either move out or get on with it.
Just remember they are doing you a big, big favour.
Hope your house is finished soon.
Good luck

You are just at different life stages. They were kind letting you stay rent free until Xmas.
You get sorted for the school run the night before, I get this I did it too, but didn't wash up after in my own home and leave the kitchen pristine because I had no time.
Your mil is retired and wants the kitchen clean in the morning so she can read her paper and relax. Is this maybe because you do errands every day and leave the cleaning to later that she stresses about?
Not wrong on either side, just some communications issues?

YABU surely you chose to be a sahm while your husband works. Why not get a ft job and find a childminder? Sorry to be blunt but equality works both ways