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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Posting that you're donating to charity instead of sending Christmas cards

134 replies

Animallover87 · 09/12/2022 17:24

I've noticed this over the last few years.

Just saw the first one this year pop up on my Facebook. To be fair, she included a screen shot of the charity donation. People were commenting 'well done' etc.

AIBU to be irritated by these posts and think folk are just doing it because they CBA with Christmas cards? And why the need to announce it year after year?

OP posts:
Decisionfatiguequeen · 09/12/2022 18:34

I've donated to the foodbank the past few years instead of the £20-30 I'd have spend buying and posting christmas cards and posted it on FB so people know not to expect a card from me or send me one. Shock horror I also have a monthly charity direct debit and donate to the food bank when shopping and I don't post about it. If anyone thinks thats rude I couldn't give a monkeys - saves me several evenings of pointless wifework, my preferred charity benefits, it might prompt someone else to donate and I'll make sure I visit any elderly relatives in person rather than just sending a card. Win/win/win. You make you own choice and I'll make mine. YABU.

Cuddlywuddlies · 09/12/2022 18:36

I never send xmas cards and I tell people not to send them to me either. A text will do just fine!! Waste of paper, time, money and space….sorry

notanothertakeaway · 09/12/2022 18:38

Most of the people I know could easily afford to donate to charity AND pay for Christmas cards if they wanted to do both

So, the virtual signalling / "look at me" does irritates me

I never hear them say "No need to give me a gift this year. Please donate to charity"

Pidgeonslipshit · 09/12/2022 18:42

Have been irritated by this for years . Just say I can’t be arsed with Christmas cards .
Would like to think that anyone who can afford it should be donating to charity anyway !
I personally still send cards to elderly relatives backed up with a phone call because I think it means a lot to them .

FeltCarrot · 09/12/2022 18:44

I think sending Christmas cards is dying out. Neither of my dc (both 20’s) send any, and with the chaos the postal service is in, lots of cards are unlikely to be delivered before Xmas anyway, soooo, I’ve donated the cost of stamps (nearly £30 ) to a food bank and whatsapped groups of friends/ family Merry Christmas instead.

ohioriver · 09/12/2022 18:47

I donate to charity as well.

I put up on Facebook mostly just in memory of my mum. I miss her so much, especially at Christmas and it feels like I'm including her by telling people I've donated in her memory.

phoenixrosehere · 09/12/2022 18:50

I couldn’t get worked up about this. Why is it such an issue? People get so petty over a piece of card that most only say the barest and generic of messages that could easily have been texted without the extra cost and even more bonkers when you’re actually going to see the person over the Christmas season anyway and/or see and speak to them several times a week.

If people want to spend their money on cards, fine but being annoyed that someone has decided to not participate in it anymore and choosing to inform people in a way that reaches the most so others know they won’t be receiving one from them is ridiculous.

Sounds like some would be annoyed regardless if the person said it on social media or told them personally.

cardibach · 09/12/2022 18:51

ChrisPriss · 09/12/2022 17:34

I love sending Christmas cards and receiving them from friends who I only touch base with at Christmas. Anyone who says that they aren't sending them doesn't get mine.
Which reminds me, one friend announced on Facebook that she was not sending cards but making a sizeable donation to charity, although she hoped her friends would still send cards to her!
I didn't.

friends tou only touch base with at Christmas? So the only connection is a card they may not even want (I really find them annoying - the card itself, not the motive)? You aren’t friends.
If you are friends you actually talk/meet at some point in the year.

cardibach · 09/12/2022 18:53

Tinkerbyebye · 09/12/2022 17:36

To me it’s being lazy. You can’t even be bothered to write a card to someone,
I buy from a charity, I write a small note in each and send

lots of elderly family members out there who are lonely, lots of friends who know you can be bothered to spend time sending a card because they mean something to you

cards can be recycled so it’s not wasteful

Not lazy. Why should they be done? It’s a relatively recent ‘tradition’. I put my energy into actually connecting with my friends by phone, text and physical meeting. A bit of card seems a bit of a lazy way of doing it.

lanbro · 09/12/2022 18:53

YABU I donate to the people's kitchen each year, I donate way more than I'd spend on cards, and I readily admit I can't be bothered to send cards. I share the link so others can donate, and they do, although I don't share the amount

GiltEdges · 09/12/2022 18:53

Yep, totally agree. It’s quite virtue-signally. Perfectly possible to donate to charity and send Christmas cards, they’re not mutually exclusive

cardibach · 09/12/2022 18:56

RaraRachael · 09/12/2022 17:40

People who do this immediately get scored off my card list, so it saves me money.

I do find it a bit nauseating and often wonder if they do actually make a donation.

Great. I don’t like or value cards which is why I don’t send them. I don’t want your card. It’ll just go in the bin. I’d much rather you had a text or phone conversation about your Christmas plans, or meet you for a coffee/drink.

FuzzyPuffling · 09/12/2022 18:56

People only seem to give up Christmas cards, a thing that brings pleasure to many, especially the socially isolated.

I'd be so much more impressed if someone said they were giving up presents, turkey or booze and giving that money to.charity..

Winterfires · 09/12/2022 18:59

I always think that must be a pretty measly donation if you are literally swapping the cost of cards for a like for like donation and also you can share the charity page and encourage donations without wanking on about Christmas cards.

cardibach · 09/12/2022 18:59

Whatnext1234 · 09/12/2022 17:49

I don’t understand why either. Send cards and do a charity donation. Or just don’t send cards. No one needs to know the £2.50 you usually spend on cards is going to charity (or not)

£2.50?
You aren’t serious?
A second class stamp is 68p
Cards cost stupid money and are really not environmentally friendly for many reasons. Plus a bit if card with ‘Happy Christmas cardi from x friend’ adds nothing to my feelings of connection.

cardibach · 09/12/2022 19:01

someonecookmydinnerplease · 09/12/2022 18:17

So just post stating that you are supporting X charity and urge others to do the same... don't need to use it as an excuse for not sending cards.

Show quote history

It’s not an excuse it’s a reason. There’s only so much disposable income. I can’t do both.
land for the ‘ask for no cards yourself’ people - I do. I make it clear I don’t want people to send them to me.

cardibach · 09/12/2022 19:02

MarigoldPetals · 09/12/2022 18:17

It winds me up. I think it’s sad.

Why? What’s sad about it?

Chooseorelse · 09/12/2022 19:06

OneFrenchEgg · 09/12/2022 17:31

Every year this thread!

I do this and share so no one thinks I've left them off the Christmas card list. I also like to raise awareness of smaller charities that have incredible purposes.

This!
I hate writing loads of Christmas cards, I hate the waste. So I donate what I would have spent on cards (a bit more actually) and donate to local charity’s that support those worse off at this time of year. I share as a Christmas well wish to family and friends via email/Instagram so they understand why they’re not getting a card in the post. It’s not performative, it’s just communication 👍🎄

OneFrenchEgg · 09/12/2022 19:08

I don't understand the anger about it.
I dislike sending cards and receiving them.
I save conservatively about 2x £7.60 (24 stamps) and £5 (24 cards) = £20.20

I donate £30 to charity, post on FB to say as usual no cards and many thanks to X charity to whom we have sent the card money this year. Usually a charity which has a link to something personal for us - child growth foundation is one; camhs at Christmas is another.

If that is enough to write me off as a 'virtue signalling twat' or to be 'cringed' for that's on you not me.

cardibach · 09/12/2022 19:10

FuzzyPuffling · 09/12/2022 18:56

People only seem to give up Christmas cards, a thing that brings pleasure to many, especially the socially isolated.

I'd be so much more impressed if someone said they were giving up presents, turkey or booze and giving that money to.charity..

The cars. I give up the card. Not the social contact. I’ll phone the person. If I were lonely and isolated I’m pretty sure a conversation would be more welcome than a card (which seems a bit virtue signally)

AlwaysGinPlease · 09/12/2022 19:13

@OneFrenchEgg why do you feel the need to announce it though?

amiold · 09/12/2022 19:17

I do this. Guilty 🙋‍♀️

I do it because
I can't be arsed
I want people to know I do actually donate and it's not a cop out
To spur people on to donate to good causes (I donate to charities who provide Xmas lunch to the homeless)

ohioriver · 09/12/2022 19:17

@AlwaysGinPlease I can't speak for anyone else but I announce it because I miss my mum and I want people to remember her. I don't want her and her memory of the person she was to disappear.

Not entirely logical, I know, but it matters to me that I do it.

ohioriver · 09/12/2022 19:18

Oh and I don't drink, I don't do presents except money to my kids and I only do a normal roast dinner (no turkey because we don't like it)

Why do people care so much?

Skyellaskerry · 09/12/2022 19:19

I wish I hadn’t opened this thread. @KitchiHuritAngeni and @ohioriver I am sorry for your losses (and anyone else I’ve missed). I’ve had more than one significant loss this last year or so, I was going to do this in their memories but I can’t bear the thought of eye rolls and such mocking as in this thread, when really all I’m doing is sharing that I won’t have forgotten people via the cards I usually send, and genuinely finding some good in a donation and yes sharing that I miss them.