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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Posting that you're donating to charity instead of sending Christmas cards

134 replies

Animallover87 · 09/12/2022 17:24

I've noticed this over the last few years.

Just saw the first one this year pop up on my Facebook. To be fair, she included a screen shot of the charity donation. People were commenting 'well done' etc.

AIBU to be irritated by these posts and think folk are just doing it because they CBA with Christmas cards? And why the need to announce it year after year?

OP posts:
KitchiHuritAngeni · 09/12/2022 18:00

I don't do cards, I haven't since my son died, I cant stand writing them and leaving his name off it, I know a lot of bereaved parents feel the same. I donate the money to a relevant charity in his (and my daughter who died some years later) names.

People do get shitty about not getting a card, and there are little digs but I don't give a shit, and I can't be arsed explaining it to new people.

I don't have social media but if I did I would probably do this. People are dicks sometimes.

ChrisPriss · 09/12/2022 18:09

napody · 09/12/2022 17:39

To me, it's the wrong way round.
You should say 'don't worry about sending me a card, put the cost of the stamp to charity'.
Same with those 'I've sponsored you a donkey instead of getting you a present'- so the giver has the satisfaction of giving to charity. It should be 'don't buy for ME, give it to charity' if you actually want to be generous.

Spot on!

Mercurial123 · 09/12/2022 18:10

Fine by me. Nobody I know sends cards apart from older family members

AuntieMarys · 09/12/2022 18:11

I haven't sent cards for years. I just buy decent gin.

Rubyupbeat · 09/12/2022 18:12

It gets right on my nerves. Why announce such a thing?
Most people do both anyway!

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 09/12/2022 18:14

@KitchiHuritAngeni So sorry for your losses, I can't imagine how difficult it must be 💙

LlynTegid · 09/12/2022 18:14

Perhaps by saying so, someone else might support their chosen charity, or not send cards to that person?

someonecookmydinnerplease · 09/12/2022 18:16

YANBU

Giving to charity and choosing not to send cards are nothing to do with each other. If you don't want to send cards, fine, don't justify it by telling everyone about your (usually imaginary) charity donation.

Own it like @AuntieMarys and at least admit the money has been spent on gin! 😆😆 I respect that honesty!

someonecookmydinnerplease · 09/12/2022 18:17

LlynTegid · 09/12/2022 18:14

Perhaps by saying so, someone else might support their chosen charity, or not send cards to that person?

So just post stating that you are supporting X charity and urge others to do the same... don't need to use it as an excuse for not sending cards.

MarigoldPetals · 09/12/2022 18:17

It winds me up. I think it’s sad.

MarigoldPetals · 09/12/2022 18:18

someonecookmydinnerplease · 09/12/2022 18:16

YANBU

Giving to charity and choosing not to send cards are nothing to do with each other. If you don't want to send cards, fine, don't justify it by telling everyone about your (usually imaginary) charity donation.

Own it like @AuntieMarys and at least admit the money has been spent on gin! 😆😆 I respect that honesty!

Absolutely!

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/12/2022 18:20

I CBA doing cards and post that I'm donating to charity so that my family and friends don't think I've just forgotten to send a card to them.

ohioriver · 09/12/2022 18:20

I do it. And I post it on Facebook. I give to a charity in memory of my mum and since she's not here at Christmas it's a way to remember her - not just for me but for her and the people who knew her.

ohioriver · 09/12/2022 18:23

And I definitely do give (£50 to the charity) and I don't care if no one sends a card to me.

I text the people I'd be likely to send a card to on a regular basis.

Lampshadered · 09/12/2022 18:23

I have monthly direct debits to two charities.

I don't send Christmas cards.

I don't announce either of those things to people.

As a PP said, it's rude to just stick it on facebook and expect that to be your Christmas greeting. Why not just send a Happy Christmas text to friends and family.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 09/12/2022 18:23

AIBU to be irritated by these posts and think folk are just doing it because they CBA with Christmas cards? And why the need to announce it year after year?

You're probably right that they CBA but if they do actually donate to charity, then it comes good.

I think it's reasonable for them to let people know via SM that they aren't sending cards. It saves people being hurt or offended.

There are other things worth being irritated by. Let this one float past you.

StillWeRise · 09/12/2022 18:25

yes, we always get this thread don't we
I do enjoy getting cards and also sending them although it's sometimes a chore- for some people this is the only contact I have with them and it seems a nice thing to do. I really roll my eyes at people claiming they don't do it 'because of the environment' - the impact of christmas cards compared to almost any other aspect of the annual consumer-fest must be absolutely minimal. If you can't be arsed at least be honest about it.
But this week we had a new one- our milkman (who normally sends us a christmas card) emailed us (which is how he sends the bill) wishing us happy christmas and saying he was making a (generous) donation to the food bank instead this year which I though was great.

Americano75 · 09/12/2022 18:25

@KitchiHuritAngeni I'm so sorry for your losses. This time of year must be especially hard.

I've done the Facebook thing as well. As pp have said, it raises awareness of my chosen charity and lets anyone expecting a card from me know not to. If it makes any whiners feel better, I also make sure to add that I fucking hate Christmas cards full stop.

Consufed · 09/12/2022 18:28

Christmas cards are a tangible, not virtual, way to send something to friends and family. I like them.

If you forego something which is a treat for yourself (wine, entertainment, dinner at a restaurant, takeaway coffee in a paper/plastic cup) and donate the money to charity instead, you've made the sacrifice yourself.

Cancelling someone else's Christmas present or card, and replacing it with a goat, self-congratulatory message, or nothing at all, does not involve any extra sacrifice or effort, so why should it get a 'well done'? It's just virtue signalling.

Christmas cards are only once a year and are about good wishes. They are usually plastic-free and recyclable. There are so many other things, year round, which are wasteful, or spread negativity not good cheer. yet this is often downplayed or ignored by many who are loudly on the anti Christmas card bandwagon.

BigCheeseSandwich · 09/12/2022 18:28

i don’t like Christmas cards, they’re just needless clutter- they get opened and put straight into the recycling bin! Couldn’t get worked up about someone donating to charity in the least.

JusteanBiscuits · 09/12/2022 18:28

I'm shit at sending christmas cards, so have done this for about 15 years and always donate to Shelter. But I have never posted about it. I've seen a few over past few years that are so fucking smug - and always from the same type of people!

mutleyschuckle · 09/12/2022 18:30

I've done it for the first time ever this year. Donated to the local air ambulance, they played a massive part in saving my mums life about 8 weeks ago & without them she wouldn't be here recovering now. It came with the option to share on fb, which I did explaining that I wasn't sending or expecting to receive cards this year & to let wider family know before they buy them (I dislike them anyway) & wanted to use the money to increase my donation to charity. if you think that's crass - fine. I'm just pleased to have my mum back. You do you, maybe think why they may have chosen to do that.

AliensToTheLeft · 09/12/2022 18:31

I suppose it’s to try to stop some people whinging that they haven’t got a card off you. I don’t send cards, I don’t announce it on social media either, but we do get the same people every year commenting that they haven’t received a card from us.

Justtoshare · 09/12/2022 18:33

The reality is that writing out a lot of Christmas cards:
'To X, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Love from Y x',
posting it and then waiting to receive a reply with a similar lack of actual contact/news/information.....is a bit pointless.

Years ago I was an early adopter of computer cards when I used to design my own, print them and post them; but even now I still send some normal hand-written cards (especially to close family/elderly relatives).

I don't know what the solution is but my adult children do not send Christmas cards at all and rarely send Birthday cards, so I think cards in general are dying out but it is likely that people will still choose to communicate greetings electronically or by email.
So I am on the fence.
YANBU it is possible to donate to charity and send cards.
YABU it is such a faff and you get a better response from a personalised e-mail anyway.

DepIndoChridmadWidMe · 09/12/2022 18:33

Oh God, some nutter posted about this last year. They were really frothing at the mouth about it. Why do people get so enraged about it?