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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband said no to surgery

255 replies

Tinselandfairydust · 07/12/2022 18:24

I want my blepharoplasty doing in a few years and husband has point blank said no.

My face my decision or is his right to tell me I cant?

So unhappy with my tired eyes

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 07/12/2022 18:25

It’s your decision as it’s your face
Can you afford it? Is he worried about the cost?

ScreamingInfidelities · 07/12/2022 18:26

It’s your face and you can do what you want with it as long as you’re funding the work yourself.

RewildingAmbridge · 07/12/2022 18:26

I wouldn't be happy with DH having cosmetic surgery as every surgical procedure carries risks. This is understandable if there is a medical need. I wouldn't expect him to risk his health for his appearance

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 07/12/2022 18:27

It's your decision. He can give his opinion but it's not his choice. You make the choice for yourself.

dolor · 07/12/2022 18:27

Your husband does not own you.

You can have whatever surgery you'd like.

psuedocream3 · 07/12/2022 18:28

Yes your body your choice but, shared finances affect him too so I guess it depends how you intend to pay for it

Frazzled2207 · 07/12/2022 18:29

Your face your decision
unless you expect your “d”h to pay. But he doesn’t sound very nice tbh.

Relocatiorelocation · 07/12/2022 18:29

What are his objections?

iklboo · 07/12/2022 18:29

Has he said why? Cost, fear of something going wrong, anything?

DenholmElliot11 · 07/12/2022 18:29

I don't understand? How can he say no? It's not him that they need permission from, it's you.

Original poster
Tinselandfairydust · 07/12/2022 18:31

Yes we can afford it but we put all our money together and he has point blank refused to listen.

Said if I do this he will keep all of his money and me have mine seperate, will basically buy what he wants without speaking to me in future.

This is something i want in a few years time so not immediate and certainly not just dropped on him

OP posts:
YellowTreeHouse · 07/12/2022 18:34

YABU. I wouldn’t be happy with DH having cosmetic surgery and I certainly wouldn’t allow it to come out of joint money.

So I see his point about separating finances if you’re insistent.

Relocatiorelocation · 07/12/2022 18:34

Well I don't disagree with him. If you want to spend 6k of joint money he probably feels he doesn't want to co tribute to that pot any more. Just split your money and do what you want with yours.

monsteronahill · 07/12/2022 18:35

I think if it's from joint money, then yes he can say no as it's a joint decision with joint money.

If you want to fund cosmetic surgery and he's super against it, then split your money and pay for it yourself.

Original poster
Tinselandfairydust · 07/12/2022 18:36

Thank you for your replies, I've only gone and posted two threads about this, thought I had deleted the other....

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/12/2022 18:36

monsteronahill · 07/12/2022 18:35

I think if it's from joint money, then yes he can say no as it's a joint decision with joint money.

If you want to fund cosmetic surgery and he's super against it, then split your money and pay for it yourself.

i agree with this. No way in hell would I agree to a cosmetic procedure from joint money.

Alleycat1 · 07/12/2022 18:36

"His right to tell me I can't" What century are you living in? My sister had this done as she always had tired eyes and looked tired. It has made a tremendous difference. If you can afford it then go for it, OP.

Ihatethenewlook · 07/12/2022 18:37

Frazzled2207 · 07/12/2022 18:29

Your face your decision
unless you expect your “d”h to pay. But he doesn’t sound very nice tbh.

What if he was to come on here and say he adores his wife’s face and would be devastated if she were to physically alter it? I’ve just googled the procedure and clicked on Google images (in case anyone wants to compare opinions), and I have to say that in well over half the before and after pictures I think the after pictures are terrible! They look so much nicer natural!

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 07/12/2022 18:39

Your eyes , your decision. Maybe do it sooner rather than later . Best of luck 💐

Mojoj · 07/12/2022 18:39

Tinselandfairydust · 07/12/2022 18:31

Yes we can afford it but we put all our money together and he has point blank refused to listen.

Said if I do this he will keep all of his money and me have mine seperate, will basically buy what he wants without speaking to me in future.

This is something i want in a few years time so not immediate and certainly not just dropped on him

Then he'll be doing you a favour. Can never understand why couples pool their earnings. It just leads to one of them thinking they can dictate to the other how they spend their own money. Get the op, let him have a strop and hey presto, your earnings will be your own again.

Ballsaque · 07/12/2022 18:40

It’s probably the least risky of all procedures.

just save the money yourself OP and pay for it that way. Would he still be pissed off then or is it not really about the money?

Original poster
Tinselandfairydust · 07/12/2022 18:40

I get what you are all saying, I just wanted more of a conversation with DH because it is something that would increase my confidence. Like a lot of us I've had it hard over the years and its showing.

Not just the appearance but my eyes feel heavy.

I welcome all opinions though I need them

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/12/2022 18:42

It’s to do with the way you split your money I guess? So it’s all just joint and everything in one pot. Is it time to talk about changing the way you do things so that you each have some discretionary spends? Then you could save up from that.

Wibbly1008 · 07/12/2022 18:42

All surgery carries risk, he obviously loves you just the way you are and doesn’t want to risk losing you. I agree it’s totally your decision but he is entitled to his opinion and he is probably worried.

Original poster
Tinselandfairydust · 07/12/2022 18:43

It's only been an argument due to the Money but I also think he is worried I would want further treatment after and that's not the case. I've never had anything done before.
I am coming in to a little money at some point next year but he still wouldnt be happy as he is the main breadwinner and argues that any future big wages will be to do with as he pleases if I choose to do this.

OP posts:
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