Husband said no to surgery

[Tinselandfairydust]

I want my blepharoplasty doing in a few years and husband has point blank said no.

My face my decision or is his right to tell me I cant?

So unhappy with my tired eyes

@arethereanyleftatall we put everything in one account and we dont have seperate accounts. I manage the money, Bill's, kids..birthdays.. christmas

Everything is shared X

Don;t be so dramatic.

Not a single penny I earn would go towards cosmetic surgery, for me or anyone else.

If I had a lower-earning partner who thought that was "blackmail", OH WELL. They can sort it without any contribution from me and I would certainly rethink my approach to sharing any finances with them (and indeed the entire relationship).

How the fuck do you all think cosmetic surgery is this hill to die on.

@musingsinmidlife well clearly if you read op's original post there has been no discussion, he just point blank refused!

So - what about fun money for the both of you? Nights out with friends, new clothes, beauty treatments, hobbies...whatever floats your boats?

@gannett because the fact that one partner thinks they have a right to tell another what they can and can't do with their own body!

Exactly this

Well. So difficult when it's joint money. My friend had it done on the NHS and it was great - she looks so much younger and fresher. She really did always look exhausted before. But in her case, it affected her vision somewhat and therefore was done on the NHS. Maybe yours is not so bad?

@arethereanyleftatall we both have a card for the joint account and know what is available to spend, we talk about what's spare and so on X

It's one of the least risky procedures.

She thinks now. Self confidence is rarely about "skin deep" issues. And if it doesn't pan out, which cosmetic surgery can result in, how will her self confidence be then? Confidence is not about superficial looks. I'm fascinated that women on this site think that what a woman looks like is critical to her confidence. There are so many other qualities that are more important

@Xmasbaby11 it's bad to me they are dropping alot and with so much stress this past few years I've aged alot around the eyes and they are heavy and puffy. Really happy for your friend by the way X

Great. So, there you go. When you talk each month about what is available/left over, you put your half in to savings to save up for your surgery.

Your Face. Your decision. As long as it’s your money. I’ve had mine done. 10/10 would recommend.

And there we have if. He’s a fucking knob trying to use the fact he earns more money, facilitated by you looking after the kids, to control you into doing what he wants.

I'd refuse point blank to go along with DP having a hair transplant if he wanted me to pay towards one.

@Quveas I get your point and would not go out on a whim, I myself do not like the new cosmetic trends, this feels different I feel tired and heavy not just about the appearance but that does play a factor

Are you eligible on the NHS?

How are larger financial decision generally made? DH and I share finances and although we can spend whatever day to day, neither of us would spend a substantial amount without discussing it and agreeing.
Would you be able to veto a large amount he wanted to spend? Or is it all his decision?

I also think you should go back to work more hours if you can to try to redress the financial imbalance a bit

How much do you have in savings? Are the savings for something specific?

Can you agree that you have an allowance each every month and then you can each save up for things you want rather than dipping into money that has already been saved? You don't want the surgery for a few years so that gives you plenty of time to save up.

@iRun2eatCake I'm not sure I didnt know you could

@WeWereInParis yes we speak about all large outgoings, we bought an old house and have been doing it up putting large amounts in for a long time and it's getting there but we do speak about it and I also make decisions.

I've never discussed anything of this amount for me, I rarely get my hair done let alone anything else. He doesnt spend large amounts on himself either though.

The reason he's the higher earner is that you are at home doing all the unpaid work, I'd torpedo his career by removing my services, but then I'm a bit scorched earth when someone acts like they own me

This does become a health issue. It's not really cosmetic

These things get worse with age - my friend was 50 and it had got worse in her forties. It's completely natural looking and if you hadn't met her before, you wouldn't know.

Sorry if I've missed this but have you tried to see if you can get it on the NHS? If your eyes are heavy and droopy, it does affect you.

I don't know how my DH would feel in this situation. I wonder if he sees it as purely cosmetic, vain and non essential, whereas I don't see it that way.

Personally I can't imagine having cosmetic surgery as I have nothing like that, however I expect I will pay £££ for dental implants in future and they are not essential (could have false teeth, bridge etc), but I doubt they are seen as vain.

I would try to make a plan to separate money somehow and save for it if you can't do it now.

Medically unnecessary.
General anaesthetic carries risk and not one that (I believe) should be taken unless it’s worth it from a medical point of view