Husband said no to surgery

[Tinselandfairydust]

I want my blepharoplasty doing in a few years and husband has point blank said no.

My face my decision or is his right to tell me I cant?

So unhappy with my tired eyes

A friend of mine got it on the NHS as she was in a lot of pain and her eyes were so hooded they were forcing her eyelashes to grow inward. It's made a huge difference for her, but she did have a long wait to get it approved. If you are in pain OP, ask for a referral.

He does not want me to get it done at all even if I am to save, no discussion just a point blank no

It depends. A surgery where excess skin on my mum's eyes was surgically removed was a game changer for her. It can take a toll on eyesight, etc.

General anaesthetic carries risk

My friends was done under local anaesthetic in the eye clinic. She did say it was very painful though! She was in and out in a couple of hours.

As it's for you and you that wants it, you should pay for it out of your individual salary/income.
It's a no brainer, of course he shouldn't shell out towards it unless he wants to do so.
Which isn't to say everything should be separate after this or anything.

@thenightsky was she happy with them?

It's not painful they just feel heavy and tired and I hate to look at them also, dont enjoy wearing makeup anymore etc

@OldFan he doesnt want me to do it out of my money either as I could use it for something we all need/want if that makes sense

Yes, very happy as she is no longer in pain with red, streaming eyes. However, she said had she known how painful the actual operation would be, she'd be hesitant again.

He can’t stop you. Do you have children? Personally if my DH wanted a medically unnecessary general anaesthetic I wouldn’t be very impressed and would encourage him to consider his children and what would happen if he was one of the tiny percentage of people who die under anaesthesia/have a life changing allergic reaction/wake up mid surgery and end up traumatised, etc.

If it's your money that youve saved, why would he have a say in it?

Financially, absolutely there's arguments for and against, but if you're paying for it, nah, it's your choice, and yours alone.

Said if I do this he will keep all of his money and me have mine seperate, will basically buy what he wants without speaking to me in future.

Surely you see this makes sense. Fair’s fair and all that.?

If it's out of joint money then of course he gets a say. I would love laser eye surgery so I can give up contact lenses but it's expensive and we've set aside our savings for other more pressing things. If I wanted to use the money for the surgery without discussing with DH then he'd have every right to be upset about it! He would also be right to get annoyed if I stopped paying as much into the joint account every month in order to "save" for it. I would equally be annoyed if he wanted to use thousands of our money for something unnecessary.

All surgery carries some risk, but this is low risk, fairly minor and pretty common for both men and women. (For men especially often with the explanation that it’s bad for your career to look exhausted.)

So I think you need to explore why he is so anti, as if you can afford it his reaction is quite extreme. Your comment that he thinks you might get addicted to surgery stands out - why would he think that? Lots of people have this procedure and never do anything else. This makes we wonder whether this is a procedure you really would benefit from (ie are your eyes really baggy?) or do you talk a lot about lots of things being wrong with you?

It’s worth a bit of self examination. If you think he is just being unreasonable then you will just have to do what you want. But giving him 6 months or a year to get used to it will hopefully calm his reaction down

Hi OP - I've booked myself in for two weeks time and I'm nervous but can't wait! I'm not married so don't have to consult anyone but I can tell you that not having it done will see me being miserable and self conscious. Get it done! The rest of your life is a long time to not like what you see in the mirror.

YABU as it's a fucking ridiculous procedure

This

🙄

I've always had think lips never considered fillers, had small boobs never considered them doing, dont get false nails false eyelashes anything because I like the natural look but this is something that's really started to upset me over the last year or so

Surgery won't give you confidence, OP.

You'll be exactly the same woman, only with eyes like Simon Cowell 😜

@1980sfookup how much was it? Hope it goes so well for you Xxx

@Bisk haha I get you and did find that amusing but i wouldnt go too far and would find the right person to do it

You need to separate finances a bit and both have personal spending money pots.

But obviously that's not going to work, if he's going to pretend that your contribution to your family by doing the lion's share of childcare is worthless and he gets to dictate because he earns more. It should be considered that your contribution enables him to work and earn that money, therefore has value.

You should both have personal spends you get to decide what you do with independently, while the majority of household income is joint for family/relationship purposes. EG everything goes into the one pot, and then you both have a similar amount back out for personal wants.

Do you want to do this for vision reasons? If so, see an Ophthalmologist. In some cases (like mine) surgery is considered medically necessary rather than cosmetic. I don't have the 'eye appearance' of a 20 year old, that wasn't the point. My lid (it was just one) was 'corrected' to the point where it was not impinging on my visual field nor affecting my eyesight itself. It's made a world of difference and has actually changed the correction needed in that eye.

(I'm in the US, I don't know what the criteria would be for this type of surgery in the UK)

If it's for purely cosmetic reasons, I can sort of see his point as I expect that it's extremely expensive and the money is going to come out of family funds, unless you can find a way to 'self fund'. But he's being a total arse about it. Do you think he's actually afraid you're 'smartening yourself up' because you're going to go out 'on the prowl' or something?

Get over yourself you green eyed miserable toad.

That was for the person who said it's rediculous!