To stop taking our dog to see his ex-owner?

[DatingAdvice72]

So 14 months ago I took on a dog whose owner was moving into a care home. It was a social media plea from her children and it came with the stipulation that they would like the dog to visit their mum regularly etc which was fine (we didn’t sign a contract or anything, more of a verbal agreement and the dog’s microchip is now legally signed over to me). I live around 40-45 minutes away and have been visiting every month since.

My circumstances have now changed though, new jobs and working days and hours and also a lot of illness with my child requiring hospital investigations etc and I’m now struggling to commit to that visit because it usually takes up at least half a day. I’ve said I can try and visit every 6-8 weeks instead so she doesn’t stop seeing the dog completely but her family have started getting really funny over it, although I don’t think they can legally do anything about it?

AIBU? WWYD?

She hasn’t stolen anything!

There are millions of dogs that need a home in this country, please don’t maintain the OP is somehow benefitting by getting a free dog 😂

The children’s treatment of their mother is not the OPs problem and she can’t be expected to bring a dog for regular visits, forever.

The mind boggles at some posters on here.

They could do a visit and you do one. Don't bow to the pressure.

So this poor old lady (who OP admits is "lovely") has been dumped into a home by her uncaring relatives and had her best friend taken away from her.

Have a heart, OP. Please don't stop the visits. Who knows, you may even find her a sympathetic ear with what is going on in your family.

If the dog is becoming carsick perhaps you could invite previous owner to visit him at your home.

I hope your DD makes a full recovery.

This is a mad position.!!

The dog is settled with OP, cruel to move it....

And even if the re homing idea was a runner....

The new owner will also likely to be subject to life events.... They may be sick/flaky/car broken down /can't afford the fuel/ their family get suddenly ill/need to move across the country....
Or are you suggesting the only suitable owner is someone who gives up all their life to proritise these visits that her family won't do??

A little unreasonable....

Jesus Christ….

Not the OP problem.
Why do you assume she needs more friends or a sympathetic ear?

Petrol money and time, carsick dog, sick child… what is wrong with you?!!

Why can’t the home arrange for a local therapy dog to be brought in if everyone is so bothered.

OP, just say the dog became unwell and died if that makes it easier!

Yeah, relatives must be uncaring to have ‘dumped’ her in a home.

Can’t possibly be any other explanation can there!

These people are trying to outsource all aspects of care for their mother because they don't want to do it. They are using you as an unpaid carer. Offer them the dog back, but if they refuse then just stop the visits, rather than all this back and forth about when you will go. I take it they don't give you petrol money when you visit their mother? Be clear - the situation is that you can no longer do the visits, do they want to look after the dog or do they prefer not to, and have the visits stop? Your child is more important to you than the dog or this woman and her family. Things change and that is the risk they took when asking a stranger to commit to looking after their mother for them for free.

I think yabvu, the owner is now in a care home, which nobody would happily go into, she probably really looks forward to seeing her once companion every month.
You took on the dog agreeing to this, so what if it was 'just' a verbal agreement.
It will probably break her heart not seeing him regularly!

Exactly this.
I think some of these people have never had a dog. and don't realise how it becomes part of your family.

Why can’t the home arrange for a local therapy dog to be brought in if everyone is so bothered. How about one of your children has to go and live with someone else but you get a visit from some random child every month instead?

To those criticising the OP for not having foreseen a chance in circumstances when taking in the dog is the same not true for the previous owner? Whilst I'm sad for her it sounds likely that she took on the commitment on caring for a dog too late in her own life, especially without having family willing to step in.

Unfortunately the legalities may not be as straightforward as many seem to think. A microchip registration is NOT proof of ownership. It's analogous to a V5/log book for a car and is registered to a keeper. If the original owner has proof of purchase and OP does not they could legally argue ongoing ownership (in my understanding). It seems unlikely the family will do anything as they haven't been prepared to take the dog themselves but in these situations it is always best to pay a documented (if only nominal eg £1) for the dog. Hopefully this is the case otherwise I'd worry if they were so minded the family could claim op is fostering their dog.

Good luck OP hope things go well. The original owner really needs help from her family to say goodbye to the dog and move on. Him/her having a suitable home ought to be the priority.

FFS people the dog is a living feeling creaturev in himself and doesn't deserve another rehoming so that he can still get carted off to a care home monthly. He is settled with the OP, and his needs matter too.

OP what if you just started phasing out visits? 5 weeks this time, 6 the next...

It's all very well them giving the family being miffed but when it boils down to they didn't re-home the dog, nor are they prepared to make the journey with the dog. I don't think you ow the family anything but I do have sympathy for the elderly lady in a home.

Pre COVID my mum went into a care home and I had her beloved cat. As I wasn't able to to visit her, I would send a photo card via funky pigeon from the car. Telling her of his latest adventures, his friends (cats in the garden). The care home staff would read it out to her and she had them up in her room. Would something like this be a compromise?

It may be worth contact Cinnamon Trusta charity that deal with the elderly and pets. They may be able to have someone take the dog to the home.

Good luck OP

From:
www.nawt.org.uk/get-involved/news/compulsory-microchipping-information-for-owners/#:~:text=Is%20a%20microchip%20proof%20of,ever%20need%20to%20prove%20ownership.

"Is a microchip proof of ownership?
No- not in itself. You are therefore advised to keep other records e.g. receipts, documentation at the time of the purchase of your dog, in case you ever need to prove ownership."

it's a common misconception. Hopefully not going to be an issue but worth knowing for anyone rehoming a dog.

They can't remove him, he's your dog.

They have no power to do that.

For over a year, you've visited every month, at your cost. I think that's very kind of you - as they're getting shitty with you, and you have a lot going on, I'd start to dwindle the visits down.

The dog doesn't like the journey anyway, and you deserve to get on with your life!

I have a dog.
I also have 3 DC.

Stop comparing children and dogs in this manner FGS! Good god.

Interesting though that others are guilting the OP into going because her own DC don’t bother.

And what you’re saying is that it’s actually a poor second. Reinforcing why OP should bother.

The dog belongs to the OP. She owes nobody anything and has a very busy life herself.

It it not her problem.

It's not OPs responsibility. She has already been going out of her way for over a year, the family are guiltily her into keeping the arrangement, which is an unrealistic one.

So has the dog become part of the OPs family?

If so, why does she have to commit to sharing it forever like this?!

You can’t part own a dog. It’s the OPs dog.

I agree. YABU OP. You made a commitment.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. One of the family members should have taken the dog if they wanted someone to commit to visits so often. They should pick the dog up too, as you have to presumably sit there for an hour or so, visiting someone you don’t know. I’d just say I’m sorry but I can’t commit to monthly anymore, end of conversation. Yes it’s the poor old lady who suffers but her children should have taken the dog if they cared that much

I suppose it depends how much the previous owner dotes on the dog- if she gets a lot out of these visits then I would try and keep them monthly as much as possible.

You're not being unreasonable OP. Go every 8 weeks and if the relatives are not happy about that they can get off their backsides and take the dog themselves. One of them really should have taken in the dog themselves if they wanted this arrangement to work. They know it which is why their guilt is turning into anger at you

Did they move away after you got the dog? That would make me wonder if you’d been set up to be a surrogate daughter as much as anything else. I am sure the lady would benefit more from living closer to her family and getting regular visits from them rather than you and her former dog.

I cannot believe the posts saying to pass the dog on. Poor thing would suffer greatly.

@DatingAdvice72 Your question was "can they do anything legally?"

You've had a lot of posters reassure you that as he's your dog now they have no legal recourse. I am not personally convinced that is true. Microchip registration is absolutely NOT proof of ownership in the law. Unless you bought him or had a watertight signing over of their rights I believe they could, in theory at least, claim ongoing ownership. I hope this is a moot point and they CBA to do anything about it.

Certainly from a moral point I totally agree he should be yours bit that simply isn't the way the law works. If the commitment to visit with him was vague I'd keep it up but on a steadily reducing schedule.

Absolutely loving the idea that someone would take on a dog and agree to monthly visits to its ex- ex- owner.

YANBU OP. Every other month is very generous.

You say they don't have time to take the dog to visit their relative as they don't live locally. Do you mean locally to you or their relative? How often do the family visit their relative? Are they expecting you to visit with the dog so they don't have to visit that often?