To stop taking our dog to see his ex-owner?

[DatingAdvice72]

So 14 months ago I took on a dog whose owner was moving into a care home. It was a social media plea from her children and it came with the stipulation that they would like the dog to visit their mum regularly etc which was fine (we didn’t sign a contract or anything, more of a verbal agreement and the dog’s microchip is now legally signed over to me). I live around 40-45 minutes away and have been visiting every month since.

My circumstances have now changed though, new jobs and working days and hours and also a lot of illness with my child requiring hospital investigations etc and I’m now struggling to commit to that visit because it usually takes up at least half a day. I’ve said I can try and visit every 6-8 weeks instead so she doesn’t stop seeing the dog completely but her family have started getting really funny over it, although I don’t think they can legally do anything about it?

AIBU? WWYD?

I mean, in a nutshell, this 100%

Have they paid you for your time and expenses to visit their mum? If not then they can go whistle. They are being very unreasonable. But it was ridiculous to agree to it in the first place.

The dog is legally hers. As a dog owner myself, I can understand the previous owners desire, but she is unable to look after her dog, and it isn't fair on the dog to be shuttled between "owners". It is confusing and unrealistic. And dogs are not games of pass the parcel. For the sake of the dog, it's time the previous owner let it go. If her family wanted it they should have taken it.

@DatingAdvice72
so you’re suggesting the stress of rehoming the dog and risking behavioural issues/someone else ending up in this position - what then? Just keep rehoming the dog and expecting new owners to take on the responsibility that the ex-owners family themselves refuse to do?
frankly that’s cruel and totally unreasonable.

if it’s so important for the owner to see the dog the family need to facilitate that and provide a stable and suitable home themselves

They couldn't. That's why they set up an internet campaign to find someone who could and was able to agree to specific terms. Yes OPs circumstances have now changed but somewhere in this there is a grief stricken a pensioner who had to give up their home and their dog and was probably only just getting through that emotional turmoil on these visits. If OPs life is now filled with unexpected medical appointments the dog won't be going on all these hospital visits so perhaps it would be fairer on everyone to just look for another owner who may be able to keep the agreement. It does seem unfair not to give a toss about the original owner now.

Ugh! Apologies wrong tag, should have been @TheTartfulLodger

I would never agree to this in the first place. I think you’ve been nice enough. I’ll tell them
i’ll visit 3 times a year but if the previous owner wants, I can send a video of the dog once a month.

Then perhaps the old owners family should step up?

It feels a bit unreasonable, that poor woman, but I don't really see what else you can do. It's poor form they're expecting a stranger to be more considerate of their mum then they are. If it's that important they should take turns with you getting ddog to her.

Fake the dog's death. Problem solved.

I'm a dog owner too and I'd be pretty pissed off if I had set up a social media search just to find someone who could take my dog on with a specific caveat that I had regular visits, to then be told tough luck love a few months later.

What rubbish. She's not responsible for the previous owner, but she's said she's willing to do visits, just less often. When you rehome a dog you can't insist that no changes can ever happen. The family could have taken in their relative and the dog. They didn't. They were the ones who let the poor old lady lose her home and dog, if anyone did.

What if you had to move the other side of the country for work?! Would they still expect visits?You've taken on the cost and time commitment of the dog from stopping it being rehomed somewhere potentially unsuitable. Have they paid your petrol on this 2 hour round trip for visits thus far?

Then you keep your dog and don't redirect others to.

Perhaps they weren't in a position to. Perhaps that's why they set up a social media campaign to find someone who might reply and said they could.

i think YABU keeping this up entirely!!

if they wanted the dog that much they should have rehomed it within family

i would be saying "the arrangement no longer works for me and x date is the final time i will be bringing rover up for a visit"

^ This YANBU her family couldn't/ didn't want to take the dog on and are now daring to criticise you for not wanting to do the exact same thing they don't want to to do, the difference is they're her family you're not.

The problem is OP agreed to do this. It was a condition on which she got the dog. Most people wouldn’t give this commitment - OP shouldn’t have taken the dog.

things change and OP was foolish to make this huge open ended commitment.

the solution is to apologise for having to step back from this agreement. Offer why you can do - and no more. Leave the ball in their court. They can’t force you to visit with the dog. But it is sad.

and to the bonkers suggestion to regime the dog - no no no. Why punish the poor dog??

YANBU
They rehomed the dog. If they wanted regular visits then they should have kept it in the family or found a home that allows pets (does happen in some nursing homes).

poor dog must be confused too. I’d happily knock that on the head if they’re being funny about reduced visits. Absolutely crazy situation.

And now they can’t 🤷‍♀️
causing the dog further stress is not the solution. It’s not a commodity to be passed around to suit the whim of the ex owner

So they are allowed to be too busy for their mother but you're not allowed to be?

Seems to me they're using you as an interim visitor to alleviate their guilt

YANBU - you've offered for them to pick up the dog and the've said no. So it's not really that important to them is it? So why do they expect you to be more bothered and put your self out of they won't?

It was a bit naive to agree to this. How long did you think you'd have to do this? 45mins away is not just round the corner. I think the family should appreciate that peoples circumstance change and can't be helped. If the children were so concerned they should've stepped up and taken the dog themselves.

Are you seriously suggesting she relinquishes her dog? Don’t be ridiculous. The OP has been more than generous with her time - I’d cut away now and focus on your family OP. You’ve made your dog available to "borrow".

Absolutely yanbu. You've done a very kind thing rehousing the dog. If the family haven't got time to take it why on earth do they think you should?!