To stop taking our dog to see his ex-owner?

[DatingAdvice72]

So 14 months ago I took on a dog whose owner was moving into a care home. It was a social media plea from her children and it came with the stipulation that they would like the dog to visit their mum regularly etc which was fine (we didn’t sign a contract or anything, more of a verbal agreement and the dog’s microchip is now legally signed over to me). I live around 40-45 minutes away and have been visiting every month since.

My circumstances have now changed though, new jobs and working days and hours and also a lot of illness with my child requiring hospital investigations etc and I’m now struggling to commit to that visit because it usually takes up at least half a day. I’ve said I can try and visit every 6-8 weeks instead so she doesn’t stop seeing the dog completely but her family have started getting really funny over it, although I don’t think they can legally do anything about it?

AIBU? WWYD?

Instead of going thru the woman's kids can you just speak to her, I'm sure as a mother she will understand and say you'll take pics in between and just keep communication with her (or thru the care home staff?) you've been really kind
Best of luck with your child's health 💐

OP does not say anything about committing to visit every four weeks, but about visiting on a "regular basis." Every 8 weeks is still a regular basis, so is still meeting the agreement.

They don’t have the time but you’re expected to give your time? Fuck that. If they’re so bothered that their mum sees the dog they need to take it.

I think if they want frequent visits they need to facilitate it. I can't imagine why you agreed to thus in the first place tbh

This. If they can't find the time to take the dog to visit its clearly not that much of a priority for them.

Could you maybe send a couple of pics of the dog and a short message on the months you don't go?

I was once asked to foster a cat for someone who had become pregnant and was moving back in with her mother for ‘awhile’. We agreed to visits by her and her boyfriend, but finally put a stop to them when the poor cat would cry at the door after they left … he was essentially getting dumped by them over and over.

then after he had been with us longer than he had had been with them we just told them we were keeping him. By this time she had had the baby and was focused on keeping afloat.

I say this because what often sounds good in theory is terrible in practice. Cut the visits and let everyone move on with their lives.

Just tell the family the dog has died, cheeky buggers .

So it’s inconvenient for them but apparently not for you?
Cheeky fuckers
They wouldn’t take the dog and you were very kind to do that and to visit their Mum ( when they couldn’t be arsed) but if you have other things going on it’s tough.
I feel for the lady and if you can go sometimes it would be a kind thing to do but you aren’t obliged to

I can't believe people are suggesting the dog is regimes to allow the previous owner visits. That's a shocking suggestion even by the usually batshit MN standards

^
This 👌

*rehomed 🙄

I mean, if OPs circs changed so that she couldn't/didn't want the dog anymore, would she be unreasonable to take it back to the old owner/s family and leave it with them? Or is it her responsibility to find a suitable home/shelter?

If it's the latter then they understand that the dog is OPs and therefore she can decide if/when to offer visits.

If it's the former then OP should be being financially compensated for dog sitting and reimbursed for the vet fees/petrol/food etc

It does seem unfair not to give a toss about the original owner now.

And what about the poor dog? Posters saying OP should re-home to someone who can continue the visits: what happens if their circumstances change a year down the line? Dog gets re-homed again?

I do feel sorry for her as she’s a lovely lady and I do think her kids have just dumped her in a home and then buggered off sort of thing

I actually don’t think this is about the dog anymore at all.

It probably started out that way, but I think it’s now more about @DatingAdvice72 being used as surrogate ‘family’ to visit this lady as her actual family don’t seem particularly arsed. If they could be bothered, and were actually visiting themselves, they’d take the dog when they go visit the previous owner.

YANBU I think it was very generous that you committed to the visit once a month. I struggle to visit my own dad once a month. So many dogs struggle to get rehomed so the fact that you are giving the dog a happy home and are keeping some contact is really kind. Don't let them guilt you. Hope your DD is okay.

YANBU at all. Your circumstances have changed and these people offer no petrol money.

The lady’s children probably visit less because they think you and the dog have it covered to an extent.

I would scale back the visits.

It probably started out that way, but I think it’s now more about @DatingAdvice72 being used as surrogate ‘family’ to visit this lady

Yes! 👏🏼

She doesn't have much bargaining power and maybe she should grow up a bit, but that doesn't mean you should be cruel.

Surely some level of visits would be ok? We can all fit into our life what we want to - but not what we CBA with. I'd find at least some time for her.

Or just tell her the dog died and post its collar to her. Job done! ;)

This arrangement is very unusual and it's nice that you've done it. I think you should explain your circumstances have changed and instead send photos or videos once a month with maybe a visit every 2-3 months if you can.

It sounds like the family are being unreasonable but it would be nice for the original owner to know their dog is happy.

You've been more than fair. Given the previous owner's family is being so unfair about it I'd drop the offer to continue at all.

I think you may have missed the bit where the OP's child is very unwell and needing hospital investigations.

Also the bit where the old owner's own family CBA making the visit to see her with the dog.

It's one visit a month, I think you're being enormously unreasonable and cruel.

The family know how much the dog visits mean to their mum but going every couple of months is perfectly fine.

Does she have an iPad? Could you send her pictures or videos of the dog in between times ?

By rehoming a dog? Yeah she sounds like a right cow.🙄The lady is not related to OP, it's her own family who should be putting themselves out.

YANBU at all OP.
Its your dog, your circumstances have changed, you can’t make regular trips.
She can see the dog every 8 weeks or not at all.