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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

415 replies

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

OP posts:
AllIwantforChristmas22 · 04/12/2022 10:05

YANBU - just weird and no way. Just use a phone to film funny moments

doodleygirl · 04/12/2022 10:05

No, this horrible. Your husband is aware your child is not a performing seal? At what age would the cameras come down

MolesOnPoles · 04/12/2022 10:05

No ducking way would I live with that.

Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:06

YANBU it’s weird! And controlling.
inhave friends who do this and the DH watches them when he’s away for work. They record everything their child does in the house. So strange. The cameras are always recoding.
I avoid visiting because of it.

Crackof · 04/12/2022 10:06

YANBU 😬
JFC YADNBU
How utterly awful. Also no.
Did I say NO?
No.

Chamomileteaplease · 04/12/2022 10:06

YANBU but you have forgotten to put the vote on!

Personally I would be like you and I would absolutely hate that! Awful idea. Everyone else in the world has managed to cope without having all their kid's cute moments mostly not filmed, I am sure he can cope too. It is a very OTT idea.

YellowHpok · 04/12/2022 10:06

If this is real then he is insane. I can't believe anyone woukd think it would be ok? Unless they were incredibly controlling and/or got a kick out of watching people.

You say it is his first DC. Do you have others at home that aren't his? What about their privacy?

He sounds like a massive creep.

Chamomileteaplease · 04/12/2022 10:07

without having most of those moments filmed I meant!

NoDairyNoProblem · 04/12/2022 10:07

YANBU. It’s intrusive and very odd.

Shoxfordian · 04/12/2022 10:07

Yanbu, it’s creepy af
Also no child is that funny

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 04/12/2022 10:08

No I would absolutely hate that. Zero privacy and you'd feel like you had to be on show all the time.

Igmum · 04/12/2022 10:08

OMG no!

Very sweet at one level and how nice that he's an adoring dad.

But still no, no, NO.

billy1966 · 04/12/2022 10:09

He is 100% the weirdo.

Do not accept this in ANY shape or form.

Only for security purposes, aimed at entrances, is this acceptable.

I have the above and have no problem with it.

Original poster
Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:09

@Chamomileteaplease I couldn't actually work out how to put the vote on, apologies. I'm not normally brave enough to post on AIBU!

OP posts:
Jacksfesteringresentment · 04/12/2022 10:09

YANBU that's a massive invasion of everyone's privacy, and honestly I think he's really weird for wanting to do it, and suggesting that you're weird for being uncomfortable with the idea.

I know you say you trust there's no ulterior motive, but I'd have my guard up after this, it's not normal.

When is he planning to let your son (and you) have body autonomy?

AnyOldThings · 04/12/2022 10:10

YANBU
I also think this is a big violation of you and your sons right to basic decency. This is not the Truman Show. His son has rights to privacy too as he grows. Imagine being a teen and still having cameras up.

Honestly, it’s a vile unnecessary idea.

atsusnaiboyz · 04/12/2022 10:10

That's a major violation to me and would be a no from me.

WaltzingWaters · 04/12/2022 10:10

Definitely not! I worked as a nanny in a house with lots of cameras and hated it. obviously understood why the parents wanted it when someone else was taking care of their kid but no way would I have that in my own home!

Unescorted · 04/12/2022 10:12

Nooooooo!
It is very intrusive to have a couple of videos to send to the World's Funniest Creep shows or to bore FB friends with.

PickledRat · 04/12/2022 10:12

I know someone who has this and they have teenagers. I think it’s disgusting that their children can’t have and privacy, it’s not illegal though.

Mortimermay · 04/12/2022 10:13

YANBU. This is really extreme. When would he be planning on watching all of this (mostly pointless) video footage? Is he spying on the whole house whilst he's at work or spending hours of his evening and weekends trawling through hours of footage? This is really odd.
What is he planning to do when the child is in nursery/school and he doesn't have eyes on them all the time? It's also very unfair on everyone in the house but also the child themselves to grow up feeling as though being constantly under surveillance in their own house is normal. That could be really damaging.

elevenplusdilemma · 04/12/2022 10:13

No bloody way. Your DH sounds bonkers. Are you sure he's not using 'cute DS' as an excuse to monitor you?

Also, most of these home cameras are now smart and connect to internet servers so you can view footage on a smartphone etc. Somebody somewhere probably in China will potentially be able to access this footage.

elastamum · 04/12/2022 10:15

Do not allow him to do this. Whilst he may think this is cute, it is a massive invasion of privacy and very creepy. Fwiw, all my and my friends children no longer allow pictures of them to be randomly posted on social media, as they are much more careful about the use of their personal information than their parents were. You should protect your child's digital footprint like you would any other aspect of their safety.

Pidgeonslipshit · 04/12/2022 10:15

Absolutely not.

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:16

YABU based on your options.

We have cameras up everywhere, as do most of my friends, co-workers, family etc. it’s not uncommon

but not everyone feels the same, even if 90% of the population are fine with it, you’re not so that’s it.