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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

415 replies

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

OP posts:
cansu · 05/12/2022 18:36

Sounds like he is pouting nonsense. No one with any sense would need to have cameras recording their child's every move or utterance. He doubtless does have another reason. Perhaps he would like to check on you while he is at work? Even if he is just ridiculously obsessed with not missing anything, it would not be acceptable to me.

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 05/12/2022 18:38

No no no. Your child is only funny and adorable to you - and they even you probably won’t find it funny in a year or so - I have pics that I look back on and wonder what I was thinking.

Who is going to watch back hours of video and edit? He’s got PFB real bad.

LemonPledge555 · 05/12/2022 18:42

Not a hope in hell that’d happen in my house… although thankfully my DH is v unlikely to suggest something similar!

Mandyjack · 05/12/2022 18:43

I would not be happy about this, is he using missing moments as an excuse to watch your every move? Its just not right

ALongHardWinter · 05/12/2022 18:52

YANBU.

Cornelious · 05/12/2022 18:55

No way! We have a ring doorbell and then a blink system for outside the house. Dh wanted to put one in the hall (facing front door) for extra security- should say at that time he was working abroad for weeks at a time. He was genuinely doing it for security but I told him no way. I would have felt icky about him being about to see me walking around when he wasn't there.

Katekeeprunning · 05/12/2022 18:58

YANBU

we have 1 in kitchen/living room and 1 in our hall but they are only put on for f we are going on holiday.

we do have 1 at front door that is always in though

slowquickstep · 05/12/2022 19:05

What does this weird man intend to do with all the footage, if you split would he be posting video of you naked or having sex? Would o hell allow him to be putting cameras up. I would be checking his purchase history just incase he has has already bought hidden cameras. Bloody weirdo

Plunger · 05/12/2022 19:12

You are definitely NBU.If there are cameras everywhere think you will have to let everyone, and I mean everyone, that they are being filmed. I would be very concerned that there were cameras in the toilet/bathroom!

NannaKaren · 05/12/2022 19:31

Errr no!
yanbu

Proteinmuch · 05/12/2022 19:37

YANBU
Never, tell him nooo and hope that he doesn't secretly (obviously only for the funny videos of son) but this is just too much.
Would you be able to hear phone calls etc on these videos ? 😰

Mummystevo · 05/12/2022 19:50

Yanbu I have cameras outside my house I would be embarrassed to even get undressed in the bedroom with a camera watching my every move, he does know cameras can get hacked too, if he sets them up I’d cover them with tape 😂

MsNightingale · 05/12/2022 19:53

Short answer: no
Long answer: f*ck no!

AllyArty · 05/12/2022 19:57

YANBU - that's not right. I understand a camera in the baby's room, like a baby monitor but not cameras everywhere. Just say NO

InPraiseOfBacchus · 05/12/2022 20:09

I'm shamelessly judgey of people who put pics and videos of their children online. It's very easy for you to lose ownership and control over the images and where they end up. And as a lot of people have rightly said, once something is online, it's there forever in one way or another.

The few people I know with children keep them off their social media or blur/crop their faces. Some people think they're over zealous, but I think the coming decades will prove that they were right to do it.

SnozPoz · 05/12/2022 20:10

YDANBU this is creepy and weird. It's a big NO and a HUGE RED FLAG 🚩 from me.
Your child does not need to be continually filmed... that could lead to serious mental health issues as they grow up. And you deserve your privacy

GreenSunfish · 05/12/2022 20:37

It’s like The Truman Show - very creepy!

Jedsnewstar · 05/12/2022 20:41

He doesn’t give a shit about capturing moments to treasure, it’s all for the potential viral video.
He fancies himself an internet star, and willing to use his own child to get there.

AnnieSnap · 05/12/2022 21:02

My DH loves his cameras. We have them in every downstairs room, two in the kitchen (different angles). He likes to be able to check on the dogs and cats when we are not at home. True, but he also just loves cameras. We also have two in the back garden (and he’s considering a third), one in the front garden, plus the doorbell camera and one on the driveway. I like the security aspect for outside the house and I quite like seeing the animals are fine when we’re away (pet sitters know about the cameras and where they are. They also know we’re cool with them chucking a tea towel over the one in the living room if they are relaxing there. DH does have more than necessary though. I figure, if it pleases him, who am I to spoil his fun (I have too many clothes, books etc, it’s his thing).

All that said, I would absolutely draw the line before they went upstairs and my DH wouldn’t think consider putting cameras upstairs. YANBU

sleephelp2022 · 05/12/2022 21:17

It would be an absolute no from me.

However I just asked DH if he'd be okay with it and his response was "meh it would be a colossal waste of money". Didn't even think the big brother vibe was an issue. And he's a totally non creepy controlling person. Maybe your DH (like mine) just doesn't think or has thought about thr side of it because they don't see it like that.

That being said. I still vote YANBU but I don't think your DH is necessarily as weird as everyone makes out. Maybe just a little obsessive over capturing DCs every move...

BertieBotts · 05/12/2022 21:21

This sounds like something DH would come up with and keep going on about, but he will never actually do it because

It's expensive, both to set up the cameras and to host all the footage
The footage would be totally rubbish and from the wrong angle all the time, you wouldn't be able to make out the cute moment or whatever
It's kind of creepy
Nobody would ever be bothered to trawl through hours of footage just to get that one perfect cute moment

Mind you he's always begging me to let him get electric shock collars for the kids so.... Grin (I am 99% sure that one is a joke).

Greenshed · 05/12/2022 22:04

No, I’m afraid that’s just not on. Certainly film special moments, but 24 hour surveillance? No way, that’s just creepy and not normal.

Barney60 · 05/12/2022 22:54

Its another NO from me.

blubberyboo · 05/12/2022 23:05

It’s not healthy to have potentially damaging images eg naked etc that could end up in public in event of accidental file transfer or revenge porn after a break up.

beside this I’ve tried to put my mind into how I would’ve felt as a child knowing that my parents were videoing my every move and I know that as far back as I can remember in conscious memory, and to being self aware I definitely would not have wanted this. Even at the age of 2-4. I’ve always enjoyed private moments to think or dance or sing or pull funny faces , talk to myself or act out scenes with dolls and would be mortified to think I was being watched.
you don’t say what age your DH plans to do this do with your child but I would say just don’t…because a small child to us definitely is self aware and has embarrassment. You risk damaging trust between parent and child.

Kjpt140v · 05/12/2022 23:13

Privacy should be yours. For whatever reason, whether it be chatting with friends or your own special time intimacy, it is your time.