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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

415 replies

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

OP posts:
Abraxan · 04/12/2022 10:34

Yanbu

Horrible idea and comes across as really creepy and controlling tbh, even if he didn't mean it that way. Not a chance I would agree to it.

If he put them up anyway I would remove them and/or cover them up immediately.

If he did it without my knowledge it would be a serious conversation about our relationship.

autumnboys · 04/12/2022 10:34

YANBU at all. I would hate that.

PuttingDownRoots · 04/12/2022 10:35

I don't really like our external camera watching me leaving/coming home, but thats there for a reason.

Internal camera.. no way.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/12/2022 10:36

He sounds deeply and unhealthily obsessed with recording every (and I mean every) second of your child's existence. That poor child. Is he going to have a GPS tracker and a cam on him when he starts going out so your DH can capture every scrap?

And what's he going to do with all this footage?

viques · 04/12/2022 10:37

He needs to realise that there are going to be thousands of moments of the child’s life that he misses, because his back was turned, he was at work, asleep, in the bath, on the loo or scrolling through the feed from the plethora of cameras put up to catch every moment etc etc.

What he needs to do is concentrate on the joy and fun of the child in the here and now, if he captures a cute moment on his camera then that’s a little bonus to enjoy and share, but most of a child’s life should be enjoyed as they live it, spontaneously and in the moment.

KettrickenSmiled · 04/12/2022 10:37

I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.
FFS is real life not compelling enough for him?
If he spends all his time having every detail filmed, when is he going to watch it all? He'll be too busy watching 'life repeats' to actually live a life.

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style
No he doesn't.
This is so patently untrue that he obviously knows he;s talking bollocks.
"But muuuuuuuum! - all the other kids are allowed XYZ".
It's a pathetic attempt to push you into letting him do something that makes you uncomfortable.
He already does enough recording of DS & your lives.
Don't let him railroad you into his bizarre meta universe.

SallyWD · 04/12/2022 10:38

No way, it's absolutely awful! I couldn't live with that. Also really unfair on your child to be filmed 24/7. What an invasion of everyone's privacy!

Megifer · 04/12/2022 10:38

Not a chance. I stopped going to a friends because her DH pulled this shit (she thought it was great though) it was so uncomfortable being in a home with cctv. Offices, shops, yea, expected. Homes? All over? Just no its really weird.

Blocked · 04/12/2022 10:39

No that's horrible. Also I have thousands of videos of my phone from DC1 which I never watch. Guaranteed he'll never watch any of the camera footage. Except maybe the bedroom stuff.

KettrickenSmiled · 04/12/2022 10:41

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:16

YABU based on your options.

We have cameras up everywhere, as do most of my friends, co-workers, family etc. it’s not uncommon

but not everyone feels the same, even if 90% of the population are fine with it, you’re not so that’s it.

Why though?

Genuinely interested in your reasons @Vitalsigning - why do you feel the need to surveil your home & family?

Vitriolinsanity · 04/12/2022 10:42

@Vitalsigning May I ask why you and the people you know have cameras everywhere?

My instinctive reaction is YANBU arranging from "what's the point" to "your DS is not the lead in the Truman Show".

But im genuinely curious why, beyond security, or having a nanny in the home, this would be felt a necessary thing.

Regularsizedrudy · 04/12/2022 10:42

Yeah that’s mental.

next time he’s taking a dump burst in with your phone on record and then tell him he’s weird for not being “fine with it”

Trollsintheforest · 04/12/2022 10:43

Is you son a poor circus animal?

KettrickenSmiled · 04/12/2022 10:44

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:31

Because most people have healthy relationships, not filled with distrust

Show quote history

So healthy you need to film them 24/7 ...?

youvebeenjammed · 04/12/2022 10:44

Absolutely no hecking way! It's not the flipping Truman Show! That would be a massive violation of you and your child's privacy. Nope, nope, nope!

Landlubber2019 · 04/12/2022 10:45

I know people that have internal cameras to watch pets and my dh did suggest we get some. I absolutely vetoed the idea and it would have been a deal-breaker for me, especially in the bedroom 😢

Original poster
Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:45

@FermisLeftFoot that's the reason I've posted, he's genuinely curious as to whether or not most people would be okay with it.

Honestly no reason to believe it's a controlling or abusive thing, but knowing MN was prepared for those responses!

OP posts:
Togoodtobeforgotten · 04/12/2022 10:45

This really is not ok.

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:46

KettrickenSmiled · 04/12/2022 10:44

So healthy you need to film them 24/7 ...?

Show quote history

The DH in this situation is filming to see their child.

As said previously, this is very common and getting more so with internal cameras falling in price.

MavisMcMinty · 04/12/2022 10:46

I’d hate to be filmed in my own home. I hate being photographed and filmed at any time, never mind when I’m mooching around the house in my knickers, sanding my corns and picking my nose.

Trollsintheforest · 04/12/2022 10:46

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:17

@elevenplusdilemma I'm definitely sure he doesn't want to monitor me, he's very laid back and trusting on that front. I think he truly just doesn't want to miss a moment of DS growing up, and because he would be fine with being filmed all the time, can't understand why someone else might not like it. I agree it's a bonkers idea though!

So at what age will your child have right to privacy? Where would you draw the line?

Bonjovispyjamas · 04/12/2022 10:46

Ugh, creepy as fuck.

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:47

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:45

@FermisLeftFoot that's the reason I've posted, he's genuinely curious as to whether or not most people would be okay with it.

Honestly no reason to believe it's a controlling or abusive thing, but knowing MN was prepared for those responses!

If you want a representative view you shouldn’t have posted this on AIBU tbh.

Its very common outside of the bubble that is MN and getting more so with internal cameras falling in price over the last 2-3 years

Oooooooooooooh · 04/12/2022 10:47

Good luck explaining that to SS when your child mentions it to someone
It's intrusive,controlling and fucking weird

WilsonMilson · 04/12/2022 10:48

Fuck that, absolutely no way. It’s massively creepy and controlling. No one wants to be watched in their own home 24/7. YANBU at all.