Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

[Iwantyourmidnights]

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

What if your toddler does his funny antics in a part of the room the camera isn’t trained on or is he proposing multiple cameras per room? Unless they are the very same high quality, multi-angle cameras used in the BB house he’s not going to get insta-worthy type footage
Anyway I’m trying to rationalise a ludicrous idea. YANBU it’s weird!

No way; I don’t even like that my DH knows when I’m home or not through our alarm notifications. For him to know what I did all day just no

Taking what you say at face value about him not being an abusive creep…

I expect that this is something he will look back on and be pretty mortified about. Proper PFB stuff!

@elevenplusdilemma I'm definitely sure he doesn't want to monitor me, he's very laid back and trusting on that front. I think he truly just doesn't want to miss a moment of DS growing up, and because he would be fine with being filmed all the time, can't understand why someone else might not like it. I agree it's a bonkers idea though!

Also, it’s a firm no from me. I’d honestly move out.

Not a chance

Good god, what a creepy thing to suggest, never mind persist with AND tell you that you’re weird for not wanting your every move on camera 24/7.

He’s got a very warped view of the world and what’s acceptable if he’s serious about this idea.

Terrible idea (and this is from someone who has a cat cam installed!)

Also, when would he review all the footage to find the cute bits? Could end up being a full time task!

Pretty horrible to be monitored 24/7, I wouldn't like that at all!

However what about if you have visitors to your house? You'll have to tell them all in advance and ask permission to film them.

Being filmed all the time is incredibly intrusive and also, where is the footage going?

Yadbu.

My dh is the total opposite. He doesn't even want a ring doorbell.

No way!
No way especially in your bedroom. There’s something very creepy and voyeuristic about that.

He’d be fine with being filmed all the time in these circumstances because he’s already decided it’s ok.

What about if his office had cameras everywhere? Including the bathrooms? Or if someone followed him round with a go-pro all day, everyday filming him on the off-chance he does something that someone else will find funny?
What if every single place he ever went, including places where he had a reasonable expectation of privacy, filmed everything he said and did for someone else’s entertainment even if he didn’t want it filmed?

Are you sure he’s not deliberately trying to get under your skin about this? It would be a huge red line for the majority of people, in my view. As a concept, it’s pretty warped.

Seriously creepy, in my view. Is he controlling in other ways? What would happen if you told him that you didn't want him to do it?

Do not agree to this.

I agreed to ex DP setting up cameras for security pointing at the gate and back door. I never thought for one moment he had any trust issues, or anything like that. But soon he started asking questions about why I left the house at X time, why did I walk down to the gate at X time of night and peer over the wall? Who was I looking for?

I caught him buying more cameras online and setting them up without telling me about them. Still claiming "for security reasons".

Its suffocating and I begin to feel paranoid and alter my behaviour in case it was deemed as "suspicious" in any way.

It ultimately ended our relationship.

I would hate that. I’d show him the responses here so he can see how most people would react to this idea - the fact that many suspect this could be from a nefarious motivation should be more than enough for him to realise it’s a bad idea.

Not a fecking chance I’d let that happen. Creepy.

Definitely very odd suggestion most reasonable people would be horrified. Is he usually normal?

Never in a million years would I be ok with that.

What an absolute piss take. He a actually thinks it's ok for you both to NEVER have privacy? So from having sex to wrapping up his Christmas present, absolutely nothing is private?

Very weird. And I don’t believe his reasons and I don’t know why you do.

Because most people have healthy relationships, not filled with distrust

I was really obsessed with taking photos and recording my children, however, my oldest child hates the record every moment society we live in. I was really upset when she first refused to be photographed but since I’ve stopped snapping/recording I’ve realised how much I missed out on. They stopped playing to have photos taken and forgot their game or got distracted by the phone recording them. I now have an old camera and take very occasional photos which we all love (quality is better than a phone). The funny moments don’t need recording they need a present loving parent who remembers them.

YANBU. What if you had family/friends to stay, would they be happy being filmed in their bedroom or the bathroom?

I've just started mat leave

Why have you just started maternity leave if you’ve got a toddler? Have you just had another baby too?

Your husband is odd. Tell him no way. It’d be like the Truman Show in your house, and that didn’t go brilliant for Truman, did it?