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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't find it funny

270 replies

aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:18

Been seeing a man for a couple of months, going well so far. Not been to each other's houses yet.

I was the victim of a break in and assault last year and was attacked by a pair of scissors. I told him about this and showed me a photo of my injuries.

Later on that day he brought up coming over to my house to cook for me, I made a joke along the lines of you can't be too careful these days.

He said "don't worry I won't bring any scissors" as a joke. But I don't find it funny?

Am I overreacting? AIBU to be totally put off by him now?

OP posts:
Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:18

Have name changed.

OP posts:
Badgirlriri · 03/12/2022 19:19

YABU. It was a joke

EnterFunnyNameHere · 03/12/2022 19:20

That's... appalling. I can't imagine making light of someone who was actually attacked with a specific thing. I think that's really horrible.

notasillysausage · 03/12/2022 19:20

Absolutely not unreasonable. What a prick. Don’t have him round your house!

Sorry for what you went through, it sounds terrifying and traumatic. Anyone who makes light of it is not worth your time.

Duplocrocs · 03/12/2022 19:20

I think by you saying you can’t be carful you sort of invited that joke.

Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:21

I think by you saying you can’t be carful you sort of invited that joke.

This was hours later and a completely separate conversation.

OP posts:
ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 03/12/2022 19:21

It was a joke and you took it badly. I bet he feels awful now

thelobsterquadrille · 03/12/2022 19:21

Later on that day he brought up coming over to my house to cook for me, I made a joke along the lines of you can't be too careful these days.

I mean, you kind of started it by saying that ^.

Yourwan · 03/12/2022 19:21

Duplocrocs · 03/12/2022 19:20

I think by you saying you can’t be carful you sort of invited that joke.

Yeah this. It sounds like you were alluding to the break in/assault with your comment and he just went along with it.

CambsAlways · 03/12/2022 19:21

In very bad taste

DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/12/2022 19:21

I think he was responding to the joke you made, and didn't think it thru. I understand why you didn't find it funny though.

steff13 · 03/12/2022 19:21

Duplocrocs · 03/12/2022 19:20

I think by you saying you can’t be carful you sort of invited that joke.

This. I feel like your joke implied to him that it was ok to joke about it.

icelollycraving · 03/12/2022 19:21

Depends. Could have been a stupid foot in mouth comment that came out. Could also have been a deeply insensitive arsehole comment from someone lacking empathy.
I’d put off him coming over. If it’s put you off, they’d completely understandable. Do what makes you comfortable and happy.

Ahwelltoobad · 03/12/2022 19:22

It's ok to be put off. Your feelings are valid, why wouldn't they be?
I might have made a simular, clumsy joke, and not meant anything by it, but you feel what you feel.

Yourwan · 03/12/2022 19:22

aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:21

I think by you saying you can’t be carful you sort of invited that joke.

This was hours later and a completely separate conversation.

Why did you mention it in your Op then if you feel it isn't at all relevant?

Endwalker · 03/12/2022 19:23

Does he know you didn't find it funny?

It sounds like a not-at-all thought out remark and any decent person would probably be cringing about it afterwards like "fucking hell brain, why did you make me say that!?"

I'd tell him that you didn't find it funny and see what his reaction is. Mortified and apologetic? Probably deserves another chance, we all make mistakes. Defensive and trying to make out it's your problem for being offended? Get rid.

MeJane · 03/12/2022 19:23

So what were you talking about at the time then?

Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:23

Why did you mention it in your Op then if you feel it isn't at all relevant?

Seriously?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 03/12/2022 19:24

Duplocrocs · 03/12/2022 19:20

I think by you saying you can’t be carful you sort of invited that joke.

I agree with this too. You have the right to feel however you do and to not see this person again if you wish not to, but if you're looking at his intent it does sound like a joke you started.

tillytoodles1 · 03/12/2022 19:26

I'd have taken it as a joke. You said that you can't be too careful and he responded in the same jokey way.

Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:26

Ok, fair enough maybe I invited it.

I just don't think a comment like that equates referencing the serious injuries and sexual assault I had told him about earlier.

OP posts:
AngelontopoftheTree · 03/12/2022 19:26

You initiated the joking about the break in, even if it was later that he joked. I think you're being overly sensitive, so dump him if you want.

DreamyMea · 03/12/2022 19:27

It was a joke, YABU

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 19:27

I really think it’s hard to argue you can make jokes and he can’t, he wasn’t to know this, so I’d tell him, you like to joke about it but don’t wish him to

drpet49 · 03/12/2022 19:28

I agree. You started a joke, he followed

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