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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't find it funny

270 replies

aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:18

Been seeing a man for a couple of months, going well so far. Not been to each other's houses yet.

I was the victim of a break in and assault last year and was attacked by a pair of scissors. I told him about this and showed me a photo of my injuries.

Later on that day he brought up coming over to my house to cook for me, I made a joke along the lines of you can't be too careful these days.

He said "don't worry I won't bring any scissors" as a joke. But I don't find it funny?

Am I overreacting? AIBU to be totally put off by him now?

OP posts:
Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:48

*Your post says:

Later on that day he brought up coming over to my house to cook for me, I made a joke along the lines of you can't be too careful these days.

He said "don't worry I won't bring any scissors" as a joke. But I don't find it funny?

You have made it seem it was part of the same conversation.*

You have misunderstood.

They were part of the same conversation. I was saying that this conversation was separate to the conversation about my assault earlier that day.

OP posts:
Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:48

Please read all my posts before making false statements.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 03/12/2022 19:49

Sadly, I think you may have sent some mixed signals. You seem to have been ok with other jokes about similar topics, this had possibly blurred the lines here.
It’s understandable that his joke has upset you. You need to tell him and see how he responds. I wouldn’t finish with someone I liked a lot because of one Ill thought through joke. Is he sorry. Has he learnt?

Purplelion · 03/12/2022 19:52

aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:48

Please read all my posts before making false statements.

To be fair your comments have made it a bit confusing as you implied that your comment about not being too careful and his reply were at completely different times.

minipie · 03/12/2022 19:52

If you had told me about your assault, and then later that same day had joked “you can’t be too careful these days”, I would have assumed you were making a joke about that assault. So I would have felt it was ok to also make a joke in the same vein.

You have now explained that the “can’t be too careful” joke was not actually about your assault, so you were shocked when he made specific reference to the assault. I understand that. But I’m just saying that to me, I would certainly have read it as a reference to your assault.

I am so sorry that happened to you. I wouldn’t write this guy off based on what seems like a misunderstanding of your joke.

crussont · 03/12/2022 19:54

I made a joke along the lines of you can't be too careful these days. what did you mean by this tho?

Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:54

crussont · 03/12/2022 19:54

I made a joke along the lines of you can't be too careful these days. what did you mean by this tho?

Read my posts.

OP posts:
SheldonsShoulder · 03/12/2022 19:54

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I think you’re overreacting because you’re terrified of being vulnerable again. You’re looking for a reason to end it to eliminate the possibility of getting hurt. How many times have you met this man in person? Have you ever felt like he was inconsiderate of your feelings before?

crussont · 03/12/2022 19:55

aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:30

When the topic of going over to each other's houses before he's said things (jokes) like "oh you could be a serial killer" etc. so I was just following the running joke we already had.

Show quote history

Weird joke

Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:55

SheldonsShoulder · 03/12/2022 19:54

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I think you’re overreacting because you’re terrified of being vulnerable again. You’re looking for a reason to end it to eliminate the possibility of getting hurt. How many times have you met this man in person? Have you ever felt like he was inconsiderate of your feelings before?

I do appreciate the psychoanalysis, but I'm not afraid of getting hurt or being vulnerable.

It really is as simple as what he has said has offended me and put me off.

OP posts:
Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:56

Weird joke

That's the joke you're focusing on?

OP posts:
Foofedifiknow · 03/12/2022 19:57

YANBU trust your gut

Original poster
aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:58

Thank you for your responses.

I accept that maybe I have overreacted.

I felt that there are some things you just don't joke about, but perhaps I am wrong.

I still need time to think about how I feel.

OP posts:
Florenz · 03/12/2022 19:59

At worst, it's mildly unreasonable. You are never going to meet a man who never does anything mildly unreasonable on that level. Tell him you don't like him joking about the time you were attacked. If he persists on making jokes about it, dump him.

achangeisafoot · 03/12/2022 20:00

I'm finding these replies really weird. The scissors comment was clearly CLEARLY in poor taste.

Maybe he's horrible, maybe he made a massive error and is silently kicking himself. Unfortunately I don't think there's an easy way to know which one it is right now

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 03/12/2022 20:00

OP face you told him you didn't find it funny? I think his reaction to that will be important to how well or not you are able to bounce back from this

MrPoppysParka · 03/12/2022 20:02

I agree with you OP. You can’t be too careful is a generalised joke that I have heard before, which is said to people in a ‘banter’ like way.

Referencing the scissors is personal and taking information you have told him and turning it into a joke.

DiaDeLluvia · 03/12/2022 20:03

You’re well within your rights to end any relationship at any time for literally any reason, but do you not want to talk this over with him first? He almost definitely has not realised how much he has hurt you and won’t if you don’t tell him. You might judge by his reaction that he’s hugely empathetic and wonderful and just made a joke in poor taste. You might discover that he’s really good at being contrite and apologising. You might discover he’s an emotionless arsehole. All very important things to learn. You’re not really giving him a chance* given that many people (me included) think you sort of accidentally teed up his bad joke and now haven’t told him how you feel.

*not that you owe anybody “a chance”

candywoo · 03/12/2022 20:04

He seems comfortable with you.

crussont · 03/12/2022 20:07

aquateals · 03/12/2022 19:56

Weird joke

That's the joke you're focusing on?

Both jokes are weird.

Neither would make me feel comfortable

JudgeJ · 03/12/2022 20:07

Duplocrocs · 03/12/2022 19:20

I think by you saying you can’t be carful you sort of invited that joke.

This is MN, jokey remarks by men aren't allowed .

KettrickenSmiled · 03/12/2022 20:07

Later on that day he brought up coming over to my house to cook for me, I made a joke along the lines of you can't be too careful these days.

He said "don't worry I won't bring any scissors" as a joke. But I don't find it funny?

Am I overreacting? AIBU to be totally put off by him now?

YABU

I'm so sorry about your horrible experience. It must have been terrifying, & I hope you have been well supported in getting past it.

But you invited jokes by making one yourself first - all your guy has done is respond in kind. He was taking your lead OP. It's really not uncommon for people to use 'graveyard humour' as a coping mechanism around scary events - he clearly thought that's what you were doing, so followed suit.

incandescentglow · 03/12/2022 20:08

i personally would have found it funny, and most peoples sense of humour is like that, and it seems he was trying to stay lighthearted, but i do get how you wouldn't have found it funny yourself
it was in bad taste yes and he probably didn't think it through very well and now feels really bad and 'm sure he didn't mean to upset you

can you give him another chance? let him know how you felt about it (if you haven't already and gauge his reaction to see if you want to

AncientBallerina · 03/12/2022 20:09

You haven’t overreacted. As PP said he’s crossed a line from banter to the specific details of a violent assault. Yes it could have been a clumsy foot in mouth thing - if he acknowledges this and apologies I’d give him another chance. If he minimises, does the ‘you started it/ you can’t take a joke/ you’re over sensitive’ bullshit I’d dump him.

Mary28 · 03/12/2022 20:10

I think you totally brought up the opportunity for that joke. I think if you're going to be that sensitive then this guy might not be the one for you.

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