I don't find it funny

[aquateals]

Been seeing a man for a couple of months, going well so far. Not been to each other's houses yet.

I was the victim of a break in and assault last year and was attacked by a pair of scissors. I told him about this and showed me a photo of my injuries.

Later on that day he brought up coming over to my house to cook for me, I made a joke along the lines of you can't be too careful these days.

He said "don't worry I won't bring any scissors" as a joke. But I don't find it funny?

Am I overreacting? AIBU to be totally put off by him now?

He's not meant to reference the time the op was attacked.

His joke followed on from hers though. Would be weird to just hug the OP after her joke.

he was supposed to say nothing (despite OP teeing this joke up) and hug her apparently

This is the bit I don't get. Why would he assume she's referring to when she was attacked?

Because they had discussed it mere hours earlier.

@aquateals you are not wrong. You should be offended.

@ReallyTiredAndHungry but that doesn't mean she's referencing it. She made a throwaway comment and he assumed she's joking about a horrific attack she endured. Who's head goes there??

So was he?

sounds like it was a clumsy joke and you’ve taken it badly. It’s up to you if you can get over it or not. I haven’t RTFT but if he doesn’t know you’re upset by it he can’t try and make it up to you. If he does and he’s apologised you either need to move past it or break it off.

What else would she be referring to?

if I had told someone about a break in and a few hours later made a joke about not locking a door, it’s not unreasonable for someone to think I was making a joke about the break in.

Some of you have really poor levels of contextual understanding

I am gobsmacked by responses to this. I was sexually assaulted as a teenager and once told a (now ex) boyfriend, who listened carefully then turned to me, honked my breasts (in that disgusting Benny Hill way) and asked me if that’s what my attacker did. Yes it was a joke, no it wasn’t funny at all.

In situations like this, any potential partner (or frankly anyone at all) should 100% err on the side of caution and tread extremely sensitively about the subject. Perhaps it might eventually be ok to joke around the topic, but you don’t assume this and it’s certainly not unreasonable for the OP to be upset.

as @Sickofcoughing says ‘you don't respond with a better one. You put your arm around them and give them a hug’.

He may be a nice guy who just got this wrong, but it’s the OPs experience and it’s completely reasonable to expect and demand sensitivity. Some peoples responses on this thread are disgraceful.

@ReallyTiredAndHungry or some of you go to a really dark place 😂

She said can't be too careful because she hadn't locked the door not because she thought it would be funny to have a little giggle about being horrifically assaulted. That context is way more straightforward.

That was sexual assault not a joke, not really relevant to the op at all

@ReallyTiredAndHungry You are really missing a crucial chunk of this thread if you’re truly struggling to see the direct link between what @Babewhat said and the OP.

Why do people keep saying she made a joke about her attack first? She didn't. They weren't talking about that. They had been talking about serial killers, and then him coming over to her house to make dinner. That's when she made the comment - you can't be too careful these days (about who you let in to your home). Like Ted Bundy. He was invited in.

The OP's attacker was not let in. He broke in. Her attack was not at all part of their conversation when he made the scissors "joke". He made it personal.

If he's anything like me, maybe he was trying to think of a witty comeback, and then totally put his foot in his mouth. It's easy to do. I personally wouldn't write him off for that if everything else has been good so far.

@BadNomad so what should he have said? What would have been a witty comeback when joking about serial killers

And op was sexually assaulted. And he then made a joke about that sexual assault with his scissors comment.

OPs comment several hours after trusting him with the details of her serious sexual assault were linked to this "When the topic of going over to each other's houses before he's said things (jokes) like "oh you could be a serial killer" etc. so I was just following the running joke we already had.* so an appropriate response to would have been along that line - her: you can't be too careful these days. him: I know, that's why I'm doing the cooking / that's why I it inviting you to mine / don't worry, you're too cute to make into Stew etc.
Not basically "it's alright love, I won't rape you like that other bloke"

"Very true" or "I'm not handsome enough to be a serial killer" or a million or things, or he could have just laughed. There was no need to make it personal. "Don't worry I won't bring any scissors" is along the lines of "at least I'll knock first." There was just no need to reference her attack.

A joke is an attempt to make another person laugh. Did he really expect her to laugh at the mention of scissors?

Look best case scenario this was a bad error of judgment and he will apologise if OP explains.

If he plows on determined to be right too stubborn to consider that maybe he misjudged it like @ReallyTiredAndHungry then run fast the other direction.

You need to be with someone kind, caring and supportive (along with all the other things you typically look for in a partner).

Not a hypocrite 🙄🙄 The two jokes are not comparable, OP made a generic joke about not being too careful, he specifically decided to joke about the attack and the weapon that was used to attack OP. But maybe OP should lighten up and gloss over lack of empathy in a relatively new partner for the “bants”