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Original poster

Family member wants presents for all the children

318 replies

Diorama1 · 03/12/2022 09:53

I have a family member that has 6 children. Every year she expects that she will buy for my 3 and I will buy for her 6. We have tried in the last few years to stop this but she is refuses.
We have suggested that we take the kids out for a special day near Christmas and make it a tradition to do this, or else but one larger family present.

The budget is about €10/15 per child. As they are getting older it is much more difficult to buy anything decent for this amount so I end up spending more. Every year we end up receiving and buying plastic tat for the children. Its a waste of money and so bad for the planet.
She is very much into Christmas and birthdays and thinks its very important to buy each child a present. I honestly cant think of a single present for them as they are just into computer games. They dont read, play board games, sports, etc.
I am at a loss, does anyone have any suggestions please?

I dont want to offend her, she is already pi**ed as us for forgetting one of her kids birthdays earlier this year so dont want to rock the boat anymore.

OP posts:
Gherkinslice · 05/12/2022 09:44

Yep, I'd be rocking that boat! YOUR money, YOUR choice. Its not like you're saying you aren't buying ANY presents for them this year. Many will have no choice but to do exactly that. Who does she think she is to insist how you spend your budget? Rock that boat!

Tomitma111 · 05/12/2022 10:00

Truthfully I think the kids would love a tenner in a card

Nothing7 · 05/12/2022 11:04

Why not buy a computer game for them all to share? Higher priced but maybe not as high as 6x£10-15

Mammalamb · 05/12/2022 12:40

I have this problem too. I have one child. DS has 7 plus grandchildren. I’ve been buying gifts for Neice’s and nephews since my mid teens. I’m in my 40s now. So I literally just stopped buying them presents during lockdown. I sometimes feel a bit mean about it, but we never see each other (maybe I’m still a bit bitter that no one came to see my new baby son)

ZED55JAX0 · 05/12/2022 13:02

Surely a selection box and a bath bomb/ something similar that can be used in one go and few pounds or just be firm and
tell her you want to stop or can’t afford it anymore

steppemum · 05/12/2022 13:08

I don't think that you should feel that you have to buy, but if you do, then go simple

box of Heroes
cinema voucher
costa coffee voucher
£10 cash
giant bar of chocolate
mile of jaffa cakes box
etc
If I do cash I often wrap it to look fun, so a balloon with £10 of £1 coins inside, santa with £10 stuffed in his hand or something, it makes them laugh and the net result is CASH which they love.

Shamrock77 · 05/12/2022 13:09

Please do not feel you have to be dictated to by a family member! You DO NOT have to do what she says. You can't afford it, it's as simple as that. You tell her that and that you wish things were different but with the cost of living it really isn't feasible this year. If she sees her arse about it, that's her problem, not yours! It's a stressful enough time as it is, a family member acting like that doesn't help! x

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 05/12/2022 13:16

I would get one of your kids to set up a secret santa app, whatsapp all the kids with the set up and then leave them to it. All the kids buy one present each for a set price (say £10 or £20). We have done this for the adults this year and its dead easy.

PorridgewithQuark · 05/12/2022 13:18

gaf · 03/12/2022 10:01

If they’re into computer games just buy them a Roblox or x box gift voucher (or whatever they play). Then they can choose how to spend it.

This, or chocolate.

I have more children than my sister so when they were small I spent more on hers than she did on mine. Later we established that I'd buy for mine "from" her and she'd buy for hers "from" me - so we each carry the cost of our own but we live a very long way apart and don't see each other at Christmas, so it also saves postage costs.

Geepee71 · 05/12/2022 13:20

Tell her you will buy a gift for your children from her and she can buy a gift for her children from you.

DangerousAlchemy · 05/12/2022 13:32

amiold · 03/12/2022 09:55

I'd be giving them a tenner each in a card or just telling her it's stopping. Your choice not hers.

100% this! 👏

Purple52 · 05/12/2022 13:49

I’d write them all a cheque!
you know it has to go in their OWN bank account (I know ultimately the parents will control it - but at least it gets there!). Also means if any get lost in the frenzie of opening presents you can replace it.

& give them a £1/£2 box of chocolate that you can wrap & they can open.

Once children are too old for something that costs £10, they do start to see the value of multiple £10’s to enable them to get something they want. …. If more friends do it they could easily end up with a couple of computer games each!

….. if she’s got 6 kids and wants presents for them all her house must be full of tat!! - or very rapidly gets binned anyway! …. Think of the environmental impact. Immediate in her home and the world!

Peggy68 · 05/12/2022 13:50

You could buy multipacks of snacks, chocolate etc and split to do 6 'movie night' hampers - ideas on Pinterest. Or invite to yours for a movie night or games night if they don't live too far away.

Years ago we shifted primarily to experiences. You could make a homemade experience voucher offering to take them all to something like crazy golf, foot golf or soft play if very young, on a date to suit. Do it between lunch and dinner and you won't have to feed them - just make up some snack bags with a drink. She can drop them off and pick them up. They will never forget it. Mine went to my brothers house for den building and learned how to build a fire which they cooked sausages on and still talk about it years later! They don't remember any of the plastic tat they used to make me buy, but do remember ALL the experiences!

Pipsquiggle · 05/12/2022 14:23

Chocolate orange each with a tenner tucked in it.

That's what we got from my aunty when we were secondary school age and we loved it

Kamd21 · 05/12/2022 14:34

Just buy for birthdays (or give money, xbox gift card etc) then for Christmas just give selection boxes.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/12/2022 14:42

family season ticket for a local attraction.
cinema vouchers
costa card or similar
Roblox or google play gift card

or just say no. We’re doing birthdays only

Sartre · 05/12/2022 14:50

Either give them a tenner each in a card or a voucher maybe or just explain you can’t afford it and she doesn’t have to buy for your DC either. I can’t believe she expects presents though, it’s so rude.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 05/12/2022 14:56

kiwigeekmum · 05/12/2022 04:13

Honestly I think you're being a bit mean-spirited, although I can see I'm in the minority.

My brother has 5 kids, I have 2. We still buy for all his kids, no worries. Conversely, my SIL has no kids and still buys for our two. Families come in all shapes and sizes, why should the kids be punished?

I think the key is that YOU end up going over your budget and then feel frustrated about it. Reduce your budget to an amount that you're happy with, and STICK to it. As pp have mentioned, a 10quid voucher in a card is perfectly acceptable - older kids would prefer that anyway. Or buy them something cheaper. You don't need to blow your budget.

I agree.
I have four. My sils each have two and I’m well aware of this so always spend more than the agreed budget per child for theirs. I’m not sure they’ve realised this but it’s always made me feel less guilty.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 05/12/2022 14:58

Kitkatcatflap · 05/12/2022 06:05

Be interesting to what your childless SIL really thinks about the 'acceptable' £10 in a card for the combined 7 kids. But doubtless you and your brother make it up her show your appreciation with a thoughtful well chosen gift.

Show quote history

Pretty sure they meant each, as many in here have suggested.

Notgoodatchoosingnames · 05/12/2022 15:01

If you're thinking cinema vouchers, I did this before then bought each child a bag of sweets and popcorn to take with them.

JMR185 · 05/12/2022 15:52

Money in a Christmas card with a chocolate Santa. Quite sad not to give them anything. Or as someone else suggested a home assembled hamper. I was one of seven, times were hard and it was truly wonderful getting gifts from relations. I loved books and one nan gave me lots of second hand books, which I loved and an uncle and aunt from Canada sent fabulous pyjamas with the feet in! One day when we were hungry a hamper arrived, the joy!

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 05/12/2022 16:02

@Kitkatcatflap
apologies.
Reading back I can’t work out if I quoted the wrong person or read you wrong.

azlazee1 · 05/12/2022 16:23

When I grew up, every child got a gift at Christmas from the Aunts and Uncles. They varied in type and price but that didn't matter; it was part of the fun of Christmas. I think gift cards would be a good idea as it lets them choose their own. As cost seems to be an issue for you, 6 vs 3, you could lower the price you spend on each. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but its about remembering the person during the holiday season and sharing a gift of love.

Ukrainebaby23 · 05/12/2022 16:43

Get selection box on offer from Tesco clubcard for each child, plus£5 gift card or cash in cheap Xmas card, say that's your family limit, £30 a family, due to bills cost of living etc. Yes it looks cheap but that's the point. If she doesn't like it, say next year we are only doing dc gifts.

LoisLane66 · 05/12/2022 16:53

Buy a board game or skittles, plus a chocolate gift each. Include the receipt for the game and tell her that she can return for a refund or exchange. Don't spend £60. She's playing with your sense of guilt knowing that the children will expect individual presents and have sad faces to make you feel bad.
Would you cough up for a meal for 8 if there was only 4 in your family and you took turns buying a restaurant meal or takeaway every month? I doubt it. You only need to do it once and she'll get the picture. If not, explain to her children yourself. They need to be aware of the rising cost of living and energy prices. Can't live in la la land.