Family member wants presents for all the children

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I have a family member that has 6 children. Every year she expects that she will buy for my 3 and I will buy for her 6. We have tried in the last few years to stop this but she is refuses.
We have suggested that we take the kids out for a special day near Christmas and make it a tradition to do this, or else but one larger family present.

The budget is about €10/15 per child. As they are getting older it is much more difficult to buy anything decent for this amount so I end up spending more. Every year we end up receiving and buying plastic tat for the children. Its a waste of money and so bad for the planet.
She is very much into Christmas and birthdays and thinks its very important to buy each child a present. I honestly cant think of a single present for them as they are just into computer games. They dont read, play board games, sports, etc.
I am at a loss, does anyone have any suggestions please?

I dont want to offend her, she is already pi**ed as us for forgetting one of her kids birthdays earlier this year so dont want to rock the boat anymore.

Get some balls. She sounds like a free loader. You do not have to feel obligated by this twat. Just tell her straight. X

Christmas is about the birth of Christ and without sounding too preachy, why are parents subjected to the tyranny of having to buy meaningless tatt (and being judged for it) by others, because ‘they love Christmas’. It’s such a distortion of the spirit of Christmas. Just be honest with the Tiger mother and say ‘I don’t want more than a token gesture for the kids and ideally we’d like a charity present so that the kids learn the true spirit of Christmas’. If she objects …stick to your guns. She can buy her darlings whatever takes her fancy.

Tell you sibling the budget per child, ask for 3 suggestions per child from sibling, get this list at end of Oct/beg of Nov each year

Money and a tin of Roses to share. My lot used to like money. I agree much too much plastic rubbish out there.

Who the fark does she think she is?

You pay for it then lol

Tell her you spent £60 on planting a tree to carbon offset the carbon emissions of her large family.

Is her name Meghan? Only she doesn’t always get what she wants!!!!! Selfish b…ch. stick to your guns, it’s ridiculous

Give them a family voucher for the cinema, it doesn’t have to be a massive amount. Tell her in advance you’re not doing individual gifts anymore and that you want to cut the spend on birthday gifts too.

I have a SIL like this: you literally can’t please these people so you’re better off not trying. She was infamous for gifting tat to others or regifting old presents but criticising anything people gave to them. The only present she and her kids didn’t complain about (on Boxing Day in front of us) was a fiver each per kid cinema voucher. These days none of my family give them individual gifts: I just send a card in the post, no presents - if I was seeing them in person, I’d just bring a generic food gift for the household. Good luck!

If anyone in my family chose to have multiple children they'd be getting nothing.

Kids like to receive a present, as they get older a lot of people decide they can no longer be bothered but at the end of the day a teenager is still a kid, why not just make them happy for a few more years. Just spend your budget, or get a gift voucher for coffee shop or Amazon

Personally I would just say you aren't buying Christmas gifts this year and that the awful price hikes on everything from fuel to food makes it impossible. If you feel you can't do that, get a nice card for each child and put £10 in. That's still £60 you're spending.

I used to buy stepdaughter and her partner (who is a total pig) Christmas gifts each year, as well as their two children. I only bought for the bloke so the kids wouldn't notice their dad had nothing and get upset.

I was spending around £100 on their household. They have much more money going into their home than I do. In return I would get a bubble bath set or something still with the 3 for 2 sticker on, probably costing £8 (if that with the discount). I'm not a snob about products, but it would always be something with a rose or other flowery scent - when I never use that sort of thing.

This year I've said I'm buying for the kids only. Stepdaughter isn't happy about it, but there's nowt she can do. I did tell her, and said for her please not to buy me a gift either, but she's still being off with me 🤷

It's just blackmail really. I don't see why she gets to make the rules. But then she brings her six and they look at you expectantly.... I had the same with nephews who used to expect two presents each from me while their mother gave my children one tatty present each. When one year I just gave each of them a good quite expensive present, later that day my mother said "X" was so upset he hasn't got his next present, I told him to ask the bear on the Christmas tree. I know you'll find them something". Now, years later, I have all these memories of incidents like this and just think Christmas is ruined by having your family round! Why do other people have kind families and I get the selfish people in mine?

I hope everyone has a good Christmas and doesn't get put upon and used by others in the family, or anyone else. Mums need a break too!

I havent read the whole thread but, it is her decision to buy each of your DCs a present each. You dont have to respond like for like. It is not her decision to make what you buy for her children. Buy them a lovely joint present and she can go and suck an egg.

What about a family national trust pass? I think if you buy an adult one, you can take as many kids as you want(within reason) don’t quote me on that one though

A selection box and a tenner each in a card. Job done.

I know someone who says her only child should get slightly more money than my children who have siblings. All very strange !
All children are equal in my eyes.

I think it depends on your situation really. If you can manage to spend the agreed amount then might be best to go along with it to keep the peace. But definitely stick to the amount via vouchers or something.

if it is however a stretch then you should not feel you have to put yourself in a vulnerable position.

if she doesn’t understand that then I’m afraid there are bigger problems to think about than the presents.

good luck !

I would do a selection box each and a jig saw to share, then gradually forget the jigsaw in a couple of years.

National Trust is free for under fives, a child member ship is about ten pounds.

My brother forget our mothers birthday... I in no way expect him to remember my kids birthdays lol.

No one is suggesting buying for 3 out of 6 kids, people are say theres 3 options:

• spend less per kid (sister demands £20 per kid but OP can only afford £10 etc... which is still equal to what sister pays)
• buy 1 shared family gift
• no gifts for any

No one said pick your 3 favorites.

I think the National Trust pass or cinema gift card, if you choose to give a present at all.

Or one of the gifts that buys water or an animal for someone in a developing country.

So if anyone has more than 1 kid you cut them off on the principle that you judge their family size... you sound lovely lol.

How about just some nice chocolates each?

I feel your pain though, I wince at buying for my BILs three kids so I would struggle with six.

This year I would put a tenner in a card for each of them, then say I’m not giving them presents after this year. Who cares what she thinks?

I have just donated money to a children in crisis list.
They asked for apples and a water bottle. Some sports socks. Heart breaking.
Makes you think how much we have.

Vbucks, Robucks, perfume, football, costume earrings, purse, wallet.

There's plenty of small things you can get for under £10, even for teenagers.