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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member wants presents for all the children

318 replies

Diorama1 · 03/12/2022 09:53

I have a family member that has 6 children. Every year she expects that she will buy for my 3 and I will buy for her 6. We have tried in the last few years to stop this but she is refuses.
We have suggested that we take the kids out for a special day near Christmas and make it a tradition to do this, or else but one larger family present.

The budget is about €10/15 per child. As they are getting older it is much more difficult to buy anything decent for this amount so I end up spending more. Every year we end up receiving and buying plastic tat for the children. Its a waste of money and so bad for the planet.
She is very much into Christmas and birthdays and thinks its very important to buy each child a present. I honestly cant think of a single present for them as they are just into computer games. They dont read, play board games, sports, etc.
I am at a loss, does anyone have any suggestions please?

I dont want to offend her, she is already pi**ed as us for forgetting one of her kids birthdays earlier this year so dont want to rock the boat anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Diorama1 · 03/12/2022 09:54

Sorry for the typos

OP posts:
amiold · 03/12/2022 09:55

I'd be giving them a tenner each in a card or just telling her it's stopping. Your choice not hers.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 03/12/2022 09:55

Could you put that £15 per child into a cinema gift voucher? So she could take them cinema?

Then say after gifting later down the line "next year we'll just be doing birthdays for the kids, it was such a struggle to know what to get them this year and with the prices of everything rising...." Wink

Detectorists · 03/12/2022 09:56

Just tell her you can't afford it this year. Don't buy for hers and tell her you don't expect her to buy for yours. It's ridiculous to feel beholden to someone in this way!

Sushi7 · 03/12/2022 09:56

Just be upfront and say that you have to buy double the presents that she has to (as she has double the dc you have). Tell her you can’t afford this anymore, especially as her dc are getting older. The day out idea is a far better.

MolesOnPoles · 03/12/2022 09:56

Agree with a tenner in a card.

Or just say no, and let her be pissed off. She doesn’t get to have her own way all the time just because she’s huffy.

ditalini · 03/12/2022 09:56

Yep, £10 book token in a card each.

PeekAtYou · 03/12/2022 09:56

All kids like cash.

Comedycook · 03/12/2022 09:56

I was going to suggest one present for them to share...like a board game (but saw they don't do that) but anyway, something they can all do.

Then get each one a chocolate santa or selection box.

Leah5678 · 03/12/2022 09:57

£1 bag of chocolates each?

LaLuz7 · 03/12/2022 09:57

Tell her you're not doing Christmas presents anymore. At all. End the unnecessary drama.

BuffaloCauliflower · 03/12/2022 09:57

She can’t refuse you not buying a gift, it’s ultimately up to you whether you give or not. If you can afford 10€ a child then put them cash in a card, they can learn to save rather than you just buying

Schnooze · 03/12/2022 09:58

Definitely don’t go over the budget even if it’s not particularly suitable. Stick to the lower end too.
This arrangement will end sooner this way. If they love your more expensive presents, dsis will never agree to doing things differently.

Aprilx · 03/12/2022 09:58

Well we have four nieces and nephews but don’t have any children ourselves. So it is always a one way street and we don’t mind, they exist and we are happy to buy for them regardless of it not being a one gift for one gift exchange scenario.

Ours are teens now and we go for vouchers, which I would never get for an adult but I think suits teenagers.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/12/2022 09:58

She can’t refuse. You just tell her you’re cutting back and won’t be giving anyone but your own DC gifts this year. It’s getting late so she may have bought you’re a bag of tat but if you’re clear you’re not giving hers any it’s on her if she still gives to yours.

This year more than any loads of people are making these decisions and only arseholes kick off about it.

Tell her today you’ve had a big bill and won’t be buying any gifts this year and therefore don’t expect any from her.

PeekAtYou · 03/12/2022 09:58

Plus you need to tell her that there will be no more presents if that's what you want. Halve the budget for each child if necessary so you spend the same total that she does. There might be an awkward moment where she produces gifts to test you but tell her to take the gifts home because no gifts any more.

declutteringmymind · 03/12/2022 09:59

Just wind it down rather than stop, or bluntly, say we're not doing presents this year and don't give her kids any this year. Your kids might get something this year but next year they won't.

Or another idea is a family hamper with bits everyone can enjoy - and leave it at that. Just because she wants doesn't means she gets.

PuppyMonkey · 03/12/2022 09:59

Just tell her you’re not buying gifts for hers this year and let her have a childish sulk all she wants.Hmm

YellowTreeHouse · 03/12/2022 09:59

YABVU. Of course each child deserves a present. Just give a gift card or money to the value you’re willing to spend.

You don’t need to spend over budget.

BuffaloCauliflower · 03/12/2022 09:59

accidentally clicked post

plastic tat. Or just say sorry you can’t afford to buy presents this year. Say - this is what’s happening this year, sorry if it’s not your preference but we can’t afford to buy for so many anymore. In turn she is welcome not to buy for your children.

BMW6 · 03/12/2022 10:00

Oh just tell her you cannot afford to do this malarkey anymore.

If she's pissed off so bloody what.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 03/12/2022 10:00

Just halve the budget for her kids so you spend the same. She’s a CF.

gaf · 03/12/2022 10:01

If they’re into computer games just buy them a Roblox or x box gift voucher (or whatever they play). Then they can choose how to spend it.

LaLuz7 · 03/12/2022 10:03

DrMarciaFieldstone · 03/12/2022 10:00

Just halve the budget for her kids so you spend the same. She’s a CF.

I'd do this because I'm petty as fuck

RIPhouseplants · 03/12/2022 10:03

I can never believe how entitled people are when I’m reading these present threads! Don’t discuss it with her and give her a joint present for all of them, family board game or tickets to something. If they are ungrateful then that is their issue not yours. If you really don’t want to do that then get the book tokens, my kids love going to spend the book tokens they get for Xmas!