Family member wants presents for all the children

[Diorama1]

I have a family member that has 6 children. Every year she expects that she will buy for my 3 and I will buy for her 6. We have tried in the last few years to stop this but she is refuses.
We have suggested that we take the kids out for a special day near Christmas and make it a tradition to do this, or else but one larger family present.

The budget is about €10/15 per child. As they are getting older it is much more difficult to buy anything decent for this amount so I end up spending more. Every year we end up receiving and buying plastic tat for the children. Its a waste of money and so bad for the planet.
She is very much into Christmas and birthdays and thinks its very important to buy each child a present. I honestly cant think of a single present for them as they are just into computer games. They dont read, play board games, sports, etc.
I am at a loss, does anyone have any suggestions please?

I dont want to offend her, she is already pi**ed as us for forgetting one of her kids birthdays earlier this year so dont want to rock the boat anymore.

I had this with my DB's 5 and DS's 3 so I set a family budget and they used to get that split between the number of kids.

I then instigated only giving Christmas presents until they're 18 as I was struggling to buy presents for nieces who had more disposable income than me. I do buy for the great nieces and nephews now though.

I really hate the ‘it’s not the kids fault’.

Kids won’t notice unless adults make an issue of it.

We didn’t exchange presents with cousins and we didn’t notice.

I have the same issue for my nephews.
Here's how I've solved it.
There's a place near me that sells new children's books for £2.50 each.
They are also online.
I get a medium Christmas bag- choose 3 books that I think they will like and a Lindt Chocolate Bear.
Tape the top together and that is everything for about £10.
It means they all get something to open and it's not plastic.
I like that it I'm also supporting a family business rather than a chain.
I'm sure Mumsnet probably won't let me post the website link but I can certainly tell you the name.

My suggestion is a book (excellent condition from a charity shop) and chocolate. Around £7 per child.

Buy the kids some video games vouchers or whatever so they can do in game purchases. They’ll love you for it.

Also, buy your sister some condoms.

Well to be honest with kids its an all none situation. You can't just buy for 3 and leave the 3 excluded. It just isn't done. Also I think my sister and my nephews would be pretty hurt if I "forgot" their birthdays.

Honestly just tell her it’s stopping now as you can’t afford it. It only gets worse.

SIL had 6 kids (we have one) and we would have to buy SIL, BIL & 6 kids presents every year. Then the kids started getting partners and kids and we were expected to buy all them presents too (couldn’t be a voucher or cash, had to be a bloody present or it was ‘offensive’).

I got the arse and ended it the year we had 18 people to buy for. On the bright side she’s not really spoken to us since 😁

Did you read the bit where the op says they don’t read?

Really lovely children with the expectation they will get gifts in return????
Not a good way to bring up children - unless you want them be be entitled that is.
As others have said, her choice to buy presents. Your choice also not to. Doesn't she know there's a COL crisis going on?!

I’d buy them a joint gift of a karaoke machine, you can get one for under £60 after that their mum will be begging for a family day out 😬

So maybe having books will encourage them to read.

I'd get them a goat from Oxfam (or something along those lines) and a big tin of Quality Street to share.

Buy a selection box and a £10 voucher for whatever they play on. Xbox/ PS / V Bucks or whatever. It is minimal effort, they’ll absolutely love it, and there’s no tat.

Diorama1 6 little faces looking at you expectedly?? Oh please. Then they need to learn that life is expensive these days and money doesn't grow on trees. Why not think about your 3 kids who receive nothing but tatt??

Or…the range has a folding table tennis table on sale for under £40, throw in some bats and balls (all have a gift to unwrap) and step back to let them get on with it.

Yes, I did. However, she also said she spent too much and hated buying plastic tat.

So I figure if she bought books that were to do with gaming/computers, it may be a compromise- no plastic, sticks to the budget and hopefully they may read them. I've bought quite a few books about Minecraft, Coding and Lego.

Everything about it is a waste- a waste of money, a waste of resources; it's just giving for the sake of giving. So I would rather give them books which minimises money spent and the use of plastic. I'm in a similar situation and actually, some of the books did get read- the ones where they choose the end of the adventure have proved popular for the boys.

When she says "well I am buying presents for yours anyway", have the assertiveness to say "no, I am asking you not to, so please don't say that. I can't afford to buy the presents this year and they all get enough presents already anyway. I am not going to let you give presents to my children and then have nothing for yours after we have had this conversation".

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, don't get backed into a corner.

I see! With that in mind you could buy them anything really op - doesn't matter whether they're interested in it or not - they might learn to love it - genius approach to buying gifts! Everyone should take this approach, requires so little thought too - just decide what you think they should like or learn to like and buy it. Brilliant!

Going down the “our kids only get three presents and yours get six” route is absolutely horrible. Frankly, you are seeing the gifts as transactional (only giving to receive) and I think that is a terrible attitude. If you don’t want to buy your nieces and nephews gifts then don’t.

This. I don’t understand why you can’t give each child a £10 voucher? My brother has more children than me but I still buy for them :/

Just give them a tenner in a card. My kids love when relatives do that, it's not a bad thing at all. Even from quite small, they love the idea of that bit of independence, choosing something for themselves. If they're older, they enjoy having a bit more spends.
Its easy and its nice for them

How are books worse than the plastic tat that OP says gets exchanged every year?

OP is trying to stop the present giving and you want her to put even more thought into it 🙄

Why? She doesn't mind offending you.

I think you just have to go through the pain barrier of change. ....these are various things I have done....given a child less in terms of monetary terms (Nobody gets to decide what I spend), given children who hit their teens £10 in a card (voucher can be a pain especially when you are saving for something or the shop ceases trading), bought a joint gift ....family games, cinema voucher accompanied with popcorn, sweet and drinks. Bought Advent calendars. Made a hot chocolate basket plus or minus mugs. They can be Christmas or not. New look have some nice ones on sale at the moment. I have 6 children. I love Christmas. It's a very important time for me. I absolutely would not dictate what was done for us or by us.

Cash/cinema voucher/trip to the zoo or something is what I'd do. If giving cinema voucher I'd wrap each individually with a pack of microwave popcorn, zoo tickets with something like a pack of Cadbury animal biscuits so they've got something they can actually have on the day.