Brother's kids and grandparent hand outs

[Theprinterwillnotbloodywork]

I'm fully expecting to be old I am being unreasonable but I'm feeling really quite upset and wondered if I could run something by your wise Mumsnetters. I am a regular by the way I've just name changed in case I'm spotted by SIL.

DB and SIL have children, lots of children. I have none. I only have one sibling. My parents are not wealthy but they're OK and have a bit of spare cash and are generous. They've spent A LOT of money on my nieces and nephews over the years - I get this, they're grandparents. But as a childfree woman I've had very little from them. Every Christmas I see the bags and bags of gifts (when they were smaller) now it's fat envelopes each. Please don't turn this into a thread about the wastefulness of plastic at Christmas, it's not about that.

Recently I was told they had a savings account set up for eldest nephew for his Uni fund. There is a bit of a gap between him and DB's next child so the others are not yet Uni ready. I wasn't supported for Uni (didn't expect to be) and just got on with it, student loan and all.

So my AIBU is am I BU for being a bit pissed off that brother gets all this preferential treatment via his kids when I get nothing? If I had kids they'd probably all get less as the money would be spread out.

Agree.

Be ready for golden balls and your parents to may have expectations that you will be available for caring duties/appointments as "sure what else would you be doing, not having any children?" 🙄

Moving 30 minutes away with a new job sorted that out for someone I know, whom after being the periphery for 20 years whilst her parents ran around after her brothers family providing endless childcare, holidaying together etc., she was TOLD 2nd hand that the expectation was that SHE would move back into the home as a help to her parents now that her mother's health was slowly failing.🙄

She made a snap decision to move job which involves her being away a fair bit and moved house a year later, only 30 minutes away, but no longer 5 minutes down the road.

She never discussed either with her family but they told her they were very hurt that she would move now that she was needed!

She never regretted her decision to do a bit, but certainly not meet the expectations that she be primary carer.

Unfortunately some parents do place greater value on the child that gives them grandchildren and certainly some of my parents generation would have had the presumptuous expectation that their childless child would be their carer.

If they have been fair parents it might indeed happen but if they haven't, they may well be disappointed.

Hmm this is quite a controversial topic. I do understand you feel a lack of love and care from your parents that stems right back to childhood, and that you have in the past been treated unfairly. That alone is enough to be annoyed about. Equally though I think I agree the spending on the grandchildren is a different thing as this is something grandparents tend to do. I am not supported by my parents at all and do sometimes struggle a bit despite having a good job so I know the stresses of it. But I think I would only be troubled if I also had children and they got nothing while my brothers got loads. I don’t think I could be annoyed at the children getting things as it just feels different. However, I do think if you were my child and struggling assuming there is no big backstory I don’t know about , I would help you out as much as I could. It’s hard for me to understand why they don’t if they know you are broke (again assuming it’s not for a reason such as addiction or blowing money you need for rent on designer handbags or something! I do think you have been treated badly in the past but I wouldn’t be focused on the grand children getting gifts in that makes sense as I think that is ok, but it’s bad to leave you suffering if you are broke through no fault of your own and can’t get essentials for example. I couldn’t do that with my kids.