Brother's kids and grandparent hand outs

[Theprinterwillnotbloodywork]

I'm fully expecting to be old I am being unreasonable but I'm feeling really quite upset and wondered if I could run something by your wise Mumsnetters. I am a regular by the way I've just name changed in case I'm spotted by SIL.

DB and SIL have children, lots of children. I have none. I only have one sibling. My parents are not wealthy but they're OK and have a bit of spare cash and are generous. They've spent A LOT of money on my nieces and nephews over the years - I get this, they're grandparents. But as a childfree woman I've had very little from them. Every Christmas I see the bags and bags of gifts (when they were smaller) now it's fat envelopes each. Please don't turn this into a thread about the wastefulness of plastic at Christmas, it's not about that.

Recently I was told they had a savings account set up for eldest nephew for his Uni fund. There is a bit of a gap between him and DB's next child so the others are not yet Uni ready. I wasn't supported for Uni (didn't expect to be) and just got on with it, student loan and all.

So my AIBU is am I BU for being a bit pissed off that brother gets all this preferential treatment via his kids when I get nothing? If I had kids they'd probably all get less as the money would be spread out.

I e experienced the same , the worst for me was when my mother said that she was going to change her Will to leave a third each to me and my brother and the other third to his two kids , I tried to have children of my own and don’t and my nephew and niece will inherit from me and their own parents when we pass so I was not happy and said so

Well that's all very well but the brothers journey through life is proving a LOT more costly than OPs is, or is ever likely to be. I can't believe how insensitive towards the OPs feelings people are being. So much for becoming a parent making people more sensitive and empathetic. And I know not everyone on here is a parent.

💯

I am SO glad you said something, what were they thinking? My father has made similar noises - I'm the one with the children - but I have knocked that on the head pretty fast. And my sibling isn't even planning on leaving anything to mine, which I fully support. She plans on spending it having a FABULOUS time. I suggest you do the same!

Your brother isn't receiving preferential treatment though, he's not getting anything you are not. If anything, your nieces and nephews are getting preferential treatment. If your brother was getting the money, I would agree but as it stands I think YABU

Yeah it's not about you and your bro, these are their grandchildren. They're not an extension of your brother. They are relatives of a different category. Sorry if that's hard to hear, but it's really nothing to do with you.

Have yo u asked for help?

People can leave things to whoever they want though. There is no ‘birthright’

Bringing up what presents he does or doesn’t give doesn’t paint you in a nice light op.

whatever you issues are with your parents are with them. Not him or his innocent children. If you need help ask. Don’t pin the blame on his children or him for the actions of your parents.

Me too . I can never understand grandparents not treating their OWN kids equally .

Well. I have 2 kids that are adults, 1 that is a teen and 1 grandchild.
Looking back,I wish we had saved something regularly for the kids. I am doing this now for the grandchild. Maybe your parents are doing that?

Is that supposed to make her feel better???

What I spend on my DGCs I consider spent on them, not their parents.

Having said that, if my other DD was struggling, I'd absolutely be helping her too. And I'd be especially aware of fairness if she'd wanted children but not been able to have them.

And I'd be especially aware of fairness if she'd wanted children but not been able to have them.

This is the underlying issue here, I think

@theleafandnotthetree no, nit necessarily but it might explain their thinking.

Its the joy your parents get spoiling/giving gifts to their grandchild.

It's the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren and nothing else.

This exactly, this is how I’d aim to treat my children

The money going into your DBs home will be spent by the kids on things want?

Your parents aren't favouring DB they are doing it for GC

@ThreeblackCats · Today 17:12
At first I thought you sounded a bit jealous op, but the more I read of your replies the more I realised you are just a bitter and unpleasant person.
Don’t ask am I being unreasonable then tell everyone that you’re not unreasonable, especially when you’re being so horribly jealous of your nieces and nephews.

Oh don't be so nasty

I understand you completely. If your brother and SIL can afford to buy things themselves, then the fact that your parents are buying things saves them money. You don't have anyone doing that for you. I really feel for you.

As the family member with children, I gave my DC money to buy presents for their aunts and uncles. It felt wrong for us to receive so much from them.

On the other side of the family it worked the other way. I spent far more on their many DC than they ever spent on mine.
It's perhaps why I noticed the imbalance on the other side and we addressed it. Now my sons buy for grandparents, younger cousins and aunts and uncles.

So when he buys little Jack a birthday present he should bung OP £20 too? If they babysit and take all 5 for ice cream they should drop a tenner in OPs bank account? If she had kids and they only did this to Bros kids, it would be unfair. If they were treating Bro to holidays and nights out it would be unfair. But they're buying their grandkids birthday and Xmas presents! It never occurred to me to demand my Dad give me equal to every penny he spent on my niblings

Don’t forget grab the kids a pair of school shoes so obviously op would need a five new pairs to balance out.

I completely agree. I sounds very unfair. All these posters going on about the precious grandchildren when your parents' own daughter is struggling is making me sad and angry all at once.

My mam was wonderful, but my dad left each of his children AND grandchildren different amounts! I imagine it was who he liked best/ who was most deserving. It was shit and took us siblings too much time and money on lawyers to adjust it back to being fair.

Why should there be £400 thrown at GC who don't need any more stuff when the OP is struggling to pay energy bills? It's unfeeling.

Wishing you peace OP.

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