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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not on for H to eat dds chocolate.

192 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 11:49

Dd started her period yesterday, first one. I bought her a massive bar of galaxy as a little gift as she was a bit upset. She has had one line of it last night and taken one in her lunch box for school today as a treat. Husband has eaten all but one line of it, do over half the bar. I'm furious and think it's massively not on. He thinks it's chocolate and was left out so fair game.... He knew the reason for the chocolate and that it was something special for her. Dd2 knew not to touch it and hasn't even asked for any as she knew it was dds little treat and not for her (if she'd asked dd1 would def have shared)

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 02/12/2022 11:49

Yanbu he owes her a bar of chocolate

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/12/2022 11:50

Presumably he’ll just replace it?

Tonysopranosghost · 02/12/2022 11:51

He needs to replace it before she gets back from school. Selfish knob.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 11:51

He can't even see how it was wrong. She did not offer him any and he hasn't asked as she has been out at school. He has also eat more than half a huge bar of chocolate before I returned from work at 10am!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 11:51

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/12/2022 11:50

Presumably he’ll just replace it?

No chance! I will.

OP posts:
parietal · 02/12/2022 11:52

YANBU. he definitely owes her a big bar of chocolate

Testina · 02/12/2022 11:53

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/12/2022 11:50

Presumably he’ll just replace it?

That’s not something I would presume in this scenario.

CheapWine · 02/12/2022 11:54

And that’s why he ate it, because you will replace it and he suffers no consequences for his selfish actions.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 11:55

Well that's true. I'm not sure he actually cares though so no consequences either way. Dd will be upset but she won't show it so she is the one that misses out if I don't!

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 02/12/2022 11:55

So your DH doesn't care if his daughter is upset?

Shamoo · 02/12/2022 11:55

He’s a dick, but you shouldn’t replace it. Let him deal with your DDs upset when she gets home. Then if he doesn’t, you know he’s a proper cunt and you can get your DD some more and decide how you want to deal with being married to somebody like that

KangarooKenny · 02/12/2022 11:56

He was wrong, he needs to replace it, and never touch a woman’s chocolate ever again.

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 02/12/2022 11:58

When she comes home will she be upset? Will that shock him into seeing it from her perspective?

It doesn't matter why she has it. What matters is that it's her's and he has no right to assume he can have it.

My DH and I used to argue about him eating my snacks. He'd say "But you weren't eating them" etc and it didn't occur to him that I wanted to eat them at another point.
I eventually got through to him when I said his behaviour suggested he didn't care about me and my possessions:
"Eh, this belongs to CremeEggs but I want it more so her wishes don't matter".
He was genuinely horrified that that was how it came across and has never done it since (without being open and honest and replacing what he's taken.)

AccioChocolate · 02/12/2022 11:59

Shamoo · 02/12/2022 11:55

He’s a dick, but you shouldn’t replace it. Let him deal with your DDs upset when she gets home. Then if he doesn’t, you know he’s a proper cunt and you can get your DD some more and decide how you want to deal with being married to somebody like that

Why should dd be upset when she's already had a big week? It's not her fault that he dad is a prick and her mother is enabling it by staying with him

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 12:00

MolliciousIntent · 02/12/2022 11:55

So your DH doesn't care if his daughter is upset?

He won't know she is upset. He won't get that someone could be upset over chocolate. To him it's just food, he saw it, he ate it. It's no bother. It's not special. Unless she actually cries he won't think she would be upset, and even then he will just think she is being silly

OP posts:
DenholmElliot11 · 02/12/2022 12:01

Honestly, I wouldn't replace it. I'd let him deal with it, it's up to him to foster a good relationship with his daughter.

MolliciousIntent · 02/12/2022 12:02

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 12:00

He won't know she is upset. He won't get that someone could be upset over chocolate. To him it's just food, he saw it, he ate it. It's no bother. It's not special. Unless she actually cries he won't think she would be upset, and even then he will just think she is being silly

Show quote history

What?! Is he completely emotionally illiterate?

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 12:02

AccioChocolate · 02/12/2022 11:59

Why should dd be upset when she's already had a big week? It's not her fault that he dad is a prick and her mother is enabling it by staying with him

Show quote history

I don't intend to for much longer (whole other thread) but right now I can't leave. I am working on that.

OP posts:
Bedbouncer · 02/12/2022 12:03

He shouldn't have. I ate one of my son's Easter cream eggs many moons (about 30 years) ago. He still brings it up. Chocolate theft leaves scars that run deep.

DenholmElliot11 · 02/12/2022 12:03

He won't know she is upset - he will if you tell him though, won't he. So tell him you brought it as a treat because she started her periods and then just leave it at that.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 12:04

MolliciousIntent · 02/12/2022 12:02

What?! Is he completely emotionally illiterate?

Show quote history

Yes. Very much so. He has very little ability/want to understand anyone else. He forgot to feed them when he left me for another woman cos he didn't feel hungry....

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 12:05

DenholmElliot11 · 02/12/2022 12:01

Honestly, I wouldn't replace it. I'd let him deal with it, it's up to him to foster a good relationship with his daughter.

I'm tempted to do this to be fair. I'm pretty sure she thinks he is a twat already

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 12:10

DenholmElliot11 · 02/12/2022 12:03

He won't know she is upset - he will if you tell him though, won't he. So tell him you brought it as a treat because she started her periods and then just leave it at that.

Yes he will have the information but he won't understand it. He will just think it's upset over nothing

OP posts:
PinkArt · 02/12/2022 12:13

He's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? I know you shouldn't have to, but please replace it for her. It's less about her prick dad stealing something from her for me, and more that he's saying he doen't give a shit about something a monumental for a young girl as her first period. No matter what you'd been taught, that first one still freaks you out and she has no idea yet if hers will be light and unproblematic, or potentially cripping each month. Chuck in some association between starting her periods and her dad proving (I'm guessing but...) again that he doesn't really care about her wants or needs and it could create some messy thinking in a teen/ pre-teen head.
Once you've got her and your other daughter away from him, he has a lifetime to dissapoint them.

GiltEdges · 02/12/2022 12:14

Personally, I think I’d probably go out and buy some chocolate for yourself, DD1 and DD2 for this evening. Don’t buy him any. If he has the nerve to say anything, just tell him he ate his share already.