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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not on for H to eat dds chocolate.

192 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 11:49

Dd started her period yesterday, first one. I bought her a massive bar of galaxy as a little gift as she was a bit upset. She has had one line of it last night and taken one in her lunch box for school today as a treat. Husband has eaten all but one line of it, do over half the bar. I'm furious and think it's massively not on. He thinks it's chocolate and was left out so fair game.... He knew the reason for the chocolate and that it was something special for her. Dd2 knew not to touch it and hasn't even asked for any as she knew it was dds little treat and not for her (if she'd asked dd1 would def have shared)

OP posts:
Ohdofuckofdear · 02/12/2022 12:58

What an arsehole!

Periods are a bloody nightmare for me and sadly they have been for my DDs but thankfully even though my lovely Dad was an older Dad and I was his only DD he was amazing when me and my Mum were on our periods, he'd buy us chocolate,make hot water bottles,fetch us anything we needed and be really supportive,my DH is exactly the same with our DDs and me.

Your DH needs to step up.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/12/2022 13:00

Get dd a HUGE bar and tell her to hide it.

If you want to be petty/make a point on his level - Get something nice. Tell him you've bought it. Make sure it is all eaten before he gets home. (Leave the empty wrapper in view for extra angst). When he says where's my x - Doesn't matter there was none left for him. It was food & fair game.

SalviaOfficinalis · 02/12/2022 13:02

I remember reading another of your threads a while ago (very memorable user name!)

I’d replace it for DD, you’d be flogging a dead horse trying to get DH to rectify it.

Hope you manage to escape one day.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 13:04

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 02/12/2022 12:58

I knew this would be you before I even clicked on it (waves to sister!). Out of all of the awful husbands on MN, I just knew this was him! Of course he bloody ate it, just like he does with everything else. At least she has you to make things right. If you did do what a PP says and take them for a day out without him, you know he’d go mad! Sending hugs to you and X.

Least you can back me up when I get accused of being a troll for how shit my life is!! I wouldn't be as mad if there wasn't literally several bars of chocolate sat in the cupboard right next to it. It's like he has done it on purpose to prove he is the big lion and we lessers can't have anything nice unless he allows us to

OP posts:
MustardCress · 02/12/2022 13:04

He is a horrible husband and father. I hope you can leave him asap. He is damaging all of you.

I know you fear he will be neglectful on the days he has them but what matters most is that you show your DCs how much better life can be without him Flowers

Sprouttreesareamazing · 02/12/2022 13:05

Is he dd's biological df?

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 02/12/2022 13:05

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 13:04

Least you can back me up when I get accused of being a troll for how shit my life is!! I wouldn't be as mad if there wasn't literally several bars of chocolate sat in the cupboard right next to it. It's like he has done it on purpose to prove he is the big lion and we lessers can't have anything nice unless he allows us to

Show quote history

Oh yes I can certainly back you up!

Boulshired · 02/12/2022 13:05

It’s about trust and personal ownership. Family members should be able to place something in their home knowing those around respect them enough to know the item belongs to them. This chocolate ceased to be a gift once the father decided it was fair game. The DD shouldn’t have to hide or overeat edible gifts because of an adults behaviour

neverbeenskiing · 02/12/2022 13:06

He’s a dick, but you shouldn’t replace it. Let him deal with your DDs upset when she gets home. Then if he doesn’t, you know he’s a proper cunt and you can get your DD some more and decide how you want to deal with being married to somebody like that

Please ignore this extremely fucked up advice. OP's DD has enough to deal with this week without her Mum using her as some sort of experiment to test her Dad's level of selfish fuckwittery.

Pilgit · 02/12/2022 13:06

I was going to quip that he must be really stupid to get between a woman on her period and chocolate. Does he have a death wish? Then read the OPs posts. You know he's a self entitled arsehole anyway.

It's not just about chocolate- it's about respecting another person's property. I hope she's okay. It's a horrid phase!

Ivyy · 02/12/2022 13:06

Onnabugeisha · 02/12/2022 12:37

I’m a bit baffled. It is just chocolate. Its easy to go get some more.
I think everyone except the DH is a little too emotionally attached to a bar of chocolate.

Have you rtft?!

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 02/12/2022 13:07

I would buy another bar of chocolate and tell DD in front of H why.

Magicpaintbrush · 02/12/2022 13:07

What a greedy selfish prick he is. That's not his fucking chocolate.

Shoxfordian · 02/12/2022 13:08

Keep working on that plan to leave op
Did he cheat on you? Why are you still with him?

wackamole · 02/12/2022 13:12

I call shenanigans on the claim that he doesn't see that it's wrong. Unless there's some huge culture gap, he knows that when something is given as a gift to someone it belongs exclusively to that someone. He doesn't need to have any empathy or to agree that HE would feel that way; it's basic manners. He's not an infant, he's just being a bully and it's convenient to him if people make excuses for him.

Unfortunately, even if you leave him (I'm assuming that's the background of your comment that it won't be much longer) your daughter still has to deal with him (if he's her dad, not a stepdad or something). Why is she unable to tell him that she's upset?

If you're going to buy her a new one, counsel her to keep it in her room or her backpack or something.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/12/2022 13:15

I wonder why you start a thread complaining about more shitty behaviour when you are actually at the point of wanting to leave him? What is the point? You need to get on with it, TBH

Herejustforthisone · 02/12/2022 13:20

Wow. He is a complete cunt, isn’t he? How do men like this exist? Vile. I hope you can all get away from him soon.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 13:21

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/12/2022 13:15

I wonder why you start a thread complaining about more shitty behaviour when you are actually at the point of wanting to leave him? What is the point? You need to get on with it, TBH

Ahh if only it was that easy. I'm sure I'd have done it years ago. But the reality is that it isn't. And I am 'on with it' it's just that I'm still here in the house. I have told him I am leaving and no longer want to be with him. Just logistics mean I'm here for a bit longer

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 13:23

I suppose the reason for starting the thread is because I'm upset and on my own so thought some solidarity would help.

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 02/12/2022 13:23

Maybe it's my hormones talking but LTB. I'd be done with him not for the chocolate but mostly for the thoughtlessness towards his own daughter. What a horrible arsehole.

NotToBeShaked · 02/12/2022 13:25

Just get out as quickly as you can.

What's the hold up?.

Onefootinthegroove · 02/12/2022 13:26

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/12/2022 13:15

I wonder why you start a thread complaining about more shitty behaviour when you are actually at the point of wanting to leave him? What is the point? You need to get on with it, TBH

Because it isnt that easy in real life 🤷‍♀️ Also sometimes with mind fucks like him you just need validation that the behaviour is not ok. Honestly, if MN would have been around 35 years ago I would have left my wanker exP a lot sooner than I did.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/12/2022 13:27

That’s so so awful Op.

I think you do have to replace it if he won’t (hopefully there’s joint money to use) because your DD shouldn’t be without her chocolate. Tell her to hide it this time.

I can’t remember which guzzling husband yours is as there are a few on here but he sounds horrible.

Not feeding them because he wasn’t hungry is awful . He sounds a bit like my exh tbh.

Going right back to when we first lived together, he couldn’t bear it im when I had bought some specific lunchbox making food to take to work - hated that anything was off limits to him. Then when kids came along, would always eat their birthday cake from parties, once ate sushi my Dd made at a party, eats anything quick and easy that’s not nailed down. And then, exactly the same, with then not think about anyone else’s needs because he’s then not hungry

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/12/2022 13:28

Onefootinthegroove · 02/12/2022 13:26

Because it isnt that easy in real life 🤷‍♀️ Also sometimes with mind fucks like him you just need validation that the behaviour is not ok. Honestly, if MN would have been around 35 years ago I would have left my wanker exP a lot sooner than I did.

Show quote history

Exactly this @Onefootinthegroove - it’s not always that easy.

But yes I agree you should leave him OP

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 13:31

That's exactly it, any food is fair game. He literally takes food off my plate or out my hand. Then I'm the bad one if I get pissy cos there's more, even if there isn't actually more available. He even ate my food on my wedding day cos I went to the loo.... He doesn't care about food so doesn't see how anyone else can. I have a hidden cupboard of food for things like a party next weekend that he can't have cos it would be long gone if I told him he couldn't have it, he'd just see that as part of the game.

OP posts: