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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not on for H to eat dds chocolate.

192 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 11:49

Dd started her period yesterday, first one. I bought her a massive bar of galaxy as a little gift as she was a bit upset. She has had one line of it last night and taken one in her lunch box for school today as a treat. Husband has eaten all but one line of it, do over half the bar. I'm furious and think it's massively not on. He thinks it's chocolate and was left out so fair game.... He knew the reason for the chocolate and that it was something special for her. Dd2 knew not to touch it and hasn't even asked for any as she knew it was dds little treat and not for her (if she'd asked dd1 would def have shared)

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 02/12/2022 18:12

I mean this has pushed me massively because it's gone from being me to being my child and that has really made me angry in a way I haven't been before.

Previously he wanted to eat your other daughters creme egg and you stopped him and she was so thoughtful and sweet that she put it in your room for you to eat as she was so pleased you stepped up for her.

Then he ate it off your bed before you even had a chance to see it. You said that was the last straw but it was months and months ago.

I completely understand how difficult it is to leave a relationship that has broken you down but at some point enough has to be enough OP. For your daughters' sakes.

Unfortunately they are being trained to tolerate men dictating the mood of a home and being abusive.

monsteramunch · 02/12/2022 18:15

Kamia · 02/12/2022 17:59

I don't really see the big deal. Maybe the dh's upbringing is different. Whatever I buy and put in my kitchen is for everyone in the family we don't have our own stuff, anyone is welcome to it.

I see how she will be a little disappointed to see the chocolate gone but it's no big deal we can get another one. I definitely would not leave my husband for this I might just send him out for some more when he goes out.

RTFT, this isn't a one off lapse in judgement.

SinnerBoy · 02/12/2022 18:24

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

Yes. Very much so. He has very little ability/want to understand anyone else. He forgot to feed them when he left me for another woman cos he didn't feel hungry....

Good grief, what a horrible, mean spirited waste of space he sounds!

My wife used to take food from our girl, when she was younger, because she played with her food and took forever to eat. I bought her an ice cream and she grabbed it off her for a lick, which upset our girl. She honestly didn't see that she shouldn't be able to try it.

We had a few arguments about that sort of thing and she stopped doing it. She got really annoyed when, unbidden, our girl would put some of her food on my plate, or offer me a lick of an ice cream. Once she'd stopped doing it, or asking first, it was no longer a problem.

She didn't do it because she's horrible, just because she thought DD wasn't hungry, or that she SHOULD let her try the ice cream, no questions asked. They're very big on communal eating, where she comes from.

Anyway, please contact a solicitor on Monday and get him kicked out. He's a complete wanker and damaging your daughter's mental health and self esteem. Tough shit if he ends up living in a bin bag, under an bridge.

stuntbubbles · 02/12/2022 18:26

What a wanker. When you give him the divorce papers do so in an empty chocolate wrapper.

SinnerBoy · 02/12/2022 18:30

When you give him the divorce papers do so in an empty chocolate wrapper.

Excellent idea!

FairFuming · 02/12/2022 18:35

You need to find one of those menstrual cramp simularos and hook him up to it as a punishment. Maybe then he would have some empathy.

KaleAtYale · 02/12/2022 18:35

You posted only this week that you got a new kitten. This doesn’t seem like something someone ready to leave their husband would do. People get pets when their life is settled. Do you really have any intention of leaving?

My mum stayed with my abusive father, there were always excuses as to why it wasn’t the right time, ironically our pet cat was one. It was apparently too hard to take the cat with us so we had to stay.

I understand it can be hard to leave, but as a person that had a horrible childhood due to an abusive father and a mother that I now realise enabled him, please get your kids away from this man. My mum didn’t and I’ve had to have years of therapy as an adult as a result. Complicated situation but I now have no contact with both parents. And they’re still together.

CatsFreakingMeOut · 02/12/2022 18:42

This is the bit that stands out for me:

"He even ate my food on my wedding day"
Not "our" but yours - when you get to that stage, you're better off ending it....

MumW · 02/12/2022 18:48

Can't wait for him to leave his wallet around and you tell DD it's been left out so is fair game and to help herself. 🤣🤣

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 02/12/2022 18:51

If it was just a bar of chocolate I would think fair game to share and replace. But knowing the special reason you bought it for her, the fact that he ate it makes him a complete twat.
I would replace it but I would explain to her the reason she has a new bar is because he ate the other one and wouldn't replace it himself.
Having read your updates, he sounds abusive. I see you are planning to leave and hope you can get away soon. Strength and love to you.
What's the reason you can't go yet? Money? Logistics?

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 19:23

KaleAtYale · 02/12/2022 18:35

You posted only this week that you got a new kitten. This doesn’t seem like something someone ready to leave their husband would do. People get pets when their life is settled. Do you really have any intention of leaving?

My mum stayed with my abusive father, there were always excuses as to why it wasn’t the right time, ironically our pet cat was one. It was apparently too hard to take the cat with us so we had to stay.

I understand it can be hard to leave, but as a person that had a horrible childhood due to an abusive father and a mother that I now realise enabled him, please get your kids away from this man. My mum didn’t and I’ve had to have years of therapy as an adult as a result. Complicated situation but I now have no contact with both parents. And they’re still together.

The cat won't be an issue, she can come anywhere with us.

OP posts:
Willowswood · 02/12/2022 21:08

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 13:31

That's exactly it, any food is fair game. He literally takes food off my plate or out my hand. Then I'm the bad one if I get pissy cos there's more, even if there isn't actually more available. He even ate my food on my wedding day cos I went to the loo.... He doesn't care about food so doesn't see how anyone else can. I have a hidden cupboard of food for things like a party next weekend that he can't have cos it would be long gone if I told him he couldn't have it, he'd just see that as part of the game.

Why on earth did you marry him? He was obviously like this before?

Willowswood · 02/12/2022 21:12

OP, for your childrens same, please leave as soon as possible. This is abuse. What are you waiting for?

Willowswood · 02/12/2022 21:12

*sake

RandomPerson42 · 02/12/2022 21:30

If he has beer in the house pour it down the drain - as an example - see how he likes it.

Nanny0gg · 03/12/2022 01:55

Kamia · 02/12/2022 17:59

I don't really see the big deal. Maybe the dh's upbringing is different. Whatever I buy and put in my kitchen is for everyone in the family we don't have our own stuff, anyone is welcome to it.

I see how she will be a little disappointed to see the chocolate gone but it's no big deal we can get another one. I definitely would not leave my husband for this I might just send him out for some more when he goes out.

WHY don't people read the OP's posts before commenting?
It's so bloody rude.

Nanny0gg · 03/12/2022 01:56

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 02/12/2022 19:23

The cat won't be an issue, she can come anywhere with us.

Show quote history

Not necessarily if you have to rent for a bit. And do you trust him around it?

Are you actually going to leave him?

sashh · 03/12/2022 02:47

OP

You can buy laxitive chocolate.

I have a friend who makes soap, his cocoa and oatmeal scrub bars look a lot like chocolate brownies.

A number of years ago someone I worked with had given up chocolate for Easter, she had a dickish relative who kept buying chocolate to eat in front of her.

I gave her some scrub bar which she took home and put on a plate and said she was going to enjoy it after lent.

Dickish bloke came round, saw the 'brownie' asked about it, she said she was waiting for after lent to enjoy it, at no point did she say it wasn't a browni.

He decided to take a big bite out of it.

NB it was technically edible.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 03/12/2022 09:19

Nanny0gg · 03/12/2022 01:56

Not necessarily if you have to rent for a bit. And do you trust him around it?

Are you actually going to leave him?

Show quote history

I wouldn't need to rent, I have my own property I can go to

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 03/12/2022 09:22

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 03/12/2022 09:19

I wouldn't need to rent, I have my own property I can go to

Show quote history

Then what's keeping you there? How badly does he have to behave before enough is enough?

kateandme · 03/12/2022 11:09

Nanny0gg · 03/12/2022 09:22

Then what's keeping you there? How badly does he have to behave before enough is enough?

Show quote history

It’s this.you’ve posted about this man now for enough time.and we all try to be there for those stuck in abused cycles.but you’ve said you want to leave,need to leave,you’ve not got a fog around you where you can’t see who he is.
you have means.
property.
save yourself and your children.
what is now keeping you stuck.

karendrury · 03/12/2022 11:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Beefcurtains79 · 04/12/2022 08:44

Please leave him OP, he is seriously nasty and getting worse. Make this year a happy one for you and your girls, they might not be able to forgive you otherwise and that would be so sad for you all.

Sciurus83 · 04/12/2022 08:49

GO!!!!

Go now! You don't have to live like this, it is better for your children not to be around this pig, it will get worse as they get older, save them from him

monsteramunch · 04/12/2022 11:22

I wouldn't need to rent, I have my own property I can go to

I'm sorry OP but I've commented on a number of your threads and I've tried to be supportive and kind.

But keeping your daughters in an abusive home when you have your own property is so unfair on them. The long term consequences, especially when it comes to anxiety and also relationships, are often huge.

Every day you stay they are more and more damaged.

I feel so incredibly sad for them.