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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about a woman staying at DPs house overnight

197 replies

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:36

woman From work who he’s good friends with. He’s stayed at hers before(in her bed which I told him I wasn’t happy about) but now she’s staying at his house tonight. He lives at his mums at the moment so she will be there too. She will be staying in the spare room. I’ve brought it up with him before and he knows it doesn’t sit right with me. I trust him but it just feels disrespectful. We have a baby who lives with me and I stay at his house 2-3 nights per week or he comes to my house.
Do I bring this up again or just stay quiet?

OP posts:
malificent7 · 02/12/2022 11:38

You are definitely not being unreasonable! In her bed?! Wtf? Run!

RatherBeRiding · 02/12/2022 11:38

Why is she staying there? And you either trust him or you don't, but if he knows you're not happy with these sleepovers then maybe it's time for a frank discussion.

Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:38

That doesn’t happen anymore. She will be in the spare room

OP posts:
malificent7 · 02/12/2022 11:38

And u have a baby together but don't live together?!

malificent7 · 02/12/2022 11:39

Don't be a mug op.

TallulahBetty · 02/12/2022 11:39

Why on earth don't you live together if you have a baby???

Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:39

Baby was a surprise… I already have DC from previous relationship and have no intention of ever living with a man again after being very burnt last time

OP posts:
TwoStepsAhead34 · 02/12/2022 11:39

JFC. Talk about cake and eating it alright!

TallulahBetty · 02/12/2022 11:40

You're not a real couple then surely. He gets to avoid proper parenting, living his best 'single' life, having sleepovers.

Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:41

I’m all honesty, I really can’t be arsed to bring it up with him again. I was made to look like I didn’t trust him-which I do. Probably is my relevant, but he’s 13 years younger than me and I think it’s more ‘acceptable’ to do this if you’re if that age group??

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 02/12/2022 11:41

🙄You are getting burnt again OP. Your set up is not the norm for a reason.

AccioChocolate · 02/12/2022 11:43

Having a friend stay in the spare room of of his mother's house doesn't scream raging sex party to me.

If you want to leave him though I'd use the fact that he stayed in another woman's bed and lives with his mummy as the excuse.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/12/2022 11:44

Nah!

Know plenty of 20 somethings... This would only be acceptable if someone was single...

There are sofas /living rooms/ Spare rooms?/other friends with spare rooms /travelling home..

The only man I'd ever share a room with (othet than my partner) is a close male gay friend....ans even then I would sleep on floor....

It just seems disrespectful, even if 'nothing' happened!

Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:45

@AccioChocolate i agree. It’s not exactly going to be anything sinister. But I’m just pissed about it

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:46

@IamtheDevilsAvocado she will definitely be in the spare room this time

OP posts:
Sickofcoughing · 02/12/2022 11:46

Yeah it's more acceptable in a certain age group - I immediately thought how those opposite sex friend sleepover things would cause the odd problem for a very brief period of time before they were stamped out permanently.

I'm guessing he's about 20?

Tell him he needs to grow up and fast. He may be younger but he's a father and supposed to be a partner to you. That does not involve drinking a bottle of whiskey with his female bestie and crashing in her bed because he was too comotose to call a taxi and not remembering what happened between them afterwards. Or even risking this happening.

Tell him to cop on or you're out. And mean it.

RewildingAmbridge · 02/12/2022 11:46

This relationship isn't going anywhere while he lives with his mum, and you raise your child. It's not a partnership.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a friend of either sex staying in his mum's spare room after a night out. In the same bed, I wouldn't now but did plenty of times when younger, purely platonically. However you've gotten past that.

Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:47

@Sickofcoughing it was planned that he would stay in her bed in the past as there wasn’t anywhere else for him to stay at the time

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 02/12/2022 11:47

In the same bed? Was it a bed sit, no sofa?

Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:48

@RewildingAmbridge im more than happy with the arrangement we have now re living situation. I’m very independent and don’t want to share mine and my DCs hole with a partner again

OP posts:
AccioChocolate · 02/12/2022 11:48

Floors exist!

Joyfuljolly · 02/12/2022 11:48

Yeah I thought this would be different too, he doesn’t have a house, what you mean is he’s got a friends staying in his mums spare room. I’d be ok with rhis

id be not ok having a kid with a man who is basically homeless and lives with his mum

Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:49

@MrsSkylerWhite pretty much, yes. She had only just moved in at the time

OP posts:
Duchess379 · 02/12/2022 11:49

Omg Op- NO!!! Massive red flags!! A female work colleague staying the night?! She's slept in his bed?! Who in their right mind thinks this is appropriate?! A whole load of nope from me I'm afraid x

Joyfuljolly · 02/12/2022 11:49

How old is he?

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