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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about a woman staying at DPs house overnight

197 replies

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:36

woman From work who he’s good friends with. He’s stayed at hers before(in her bed which I told him I wasn’t happy about) but now she’s staying at his house tonight. He lives at his mums at the moment so she will be there too. She will be staying in the spare room. I’ve brought it up with him before and he knows it doesn’t sit right with me. I trust him but it just feels disrespectful. We have a baby who lives with me and I stay at his house 2-3 nights per week or he comes to my house.
Do I bring this up again or just stay quiet?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 16:40

My DC are my life. What on earth would I do if I didn’t have them at the weekend? I don’t want to go out partying

OP posts:
CarefreeMe · 02/12/2022 16:43

You chose to have a baby with someone and therefore chose to share custody.

They are just as much of a parent to the baby as you are.

If you want to stay with him then fine but you can’t keep moaning about his actions when he doesn’t see you as his partner.

Mirabai · 02/12/2022 16:49

So - is it the case that she previously stayed in his bed but this time she’s sleeping in the spare room?

VejaVagVagina · 02/12/2022 16:58

You don't want him to live with you as you don't want to get "burnt again". But how is this set-up much better? 20 something year old gets to live the single life with limited parental responsibility and then have co-workers sleeping over. Sounds like you are getting burned.

The timeline of your relationship all sounds very rushed.

But to answer your question of course you bring it up! I don't think co-living with a partner is the downfall to your relationships...

Liorae · 02/12/2022 17:02

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 16:40

My DC are my life. What on earth would I do if I didn’t have them at the weekend? I don’t want to go out partying

I think it's time for you to get a life. Seriously.

MysteryBelle · 02/12/2022 17:26

After seeing your updates, it is clear that you deserve your partner. You’re not open to learning from your mistakes. You would rather steep in your unhappy ‘happier than I’ve ever been’ (except for your loser part time shag—he’s not your partner—sleeping over at another woman’s house and she his) than admit you’ve made less than ideal choices.

Why did you come on here then if you’re happier than you’ve ever been?

He is below the very bottom of relationship material. But that’s ok. You say all is peachy. Except that it’s not.

I am beginning to understand how very low caliber men maintain grips over some women. They are similar in character.

So, enjoy!

MysteryBelle · 02/12/2022 17:33

It just struck me that you said you got burnt once. You’re still getting burnt. Just because you’re not living with this next guy does not mean you’re not wasting your life on the same type of lowlife as before. Because you are. You are still spending your time wondering what he’s doing, who he’s doing it with, if he’s telling the truth, if he’s lying, if he is trustworthy, who the woman is, why is he doing this, what does it mean etc etc.

The truth is, you got burnt because you chose the wrong person, and the wrong type of person.

And now you’ve gone and done the very same thing again. And wasting years of your life on him just like before. Different houses make no difference except you can’t keep an eye on him, and you’ve chosen someone who can’t be trusted.

You’re not independent. Not in the least. Reread your posts.

Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 18:00

@MysteryBelle you hit the nail in the head. I’m ending it. Thank you xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 18:01

This makes me so sad. I can’t keep facilitating the behaviour of this man child

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 18:06

To all the ‘harsh’ posters. You’ve made me realise this ‘relationship’ is not ok… thank you. Thank you. It needs to end. I’ll be talking to him tonight. I want my life back. Me and my babies

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoulda · 02/12/2022 18:10

I wasn’t happy with my exh for lots of reasons. And I did the right thing in leaving him. I met a younger guy and we had a good thing going-casual and fun. Then I got those 2 pink lines. I’m not the type to end a pregnancy. I couldn’t do it-never could. And I’m so glad I didn’t. This little one is just perfect and I’m so glad I have them. But the relationship I have now is less than ideal

OP posts:
InsomniacVampire · 02/12/2022 19:21

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 12:30

She has a boyfriend

I wonder how her BF feels about this...

namechangetheworld · 02/12/2022 19:33

Ah, an "accident" baby. Of course.

Sounds like you wanted another baby, saw this bloke as a way of getting one, and were then dissapointed when he decided he wanted to be involved.

I mean, yes, he's probably shagging his "friend". But it doesn't even sound as if you like him all that much anyway, so does it matter?

ReneBumsWombats · 02/12/2022 19:41

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 16:40

My DC are my life. What on earth would I do if I didn’t have them at the weekend? I don’t want to go out partying

Is that why you had another child with a no-hoper? To have something to do without needing a partner?

georgarina · 02/12/2022 19:49

ReneBumsWombats · 02/12/2022 19:41

Is that why you had another child with a no-hoper? To have something to do without needing a partner?

Show quote history

What a horrible, unnecessary comment.

Joyfuljolly · 02/12/2022 20:35

How old are you op? You’ve been married before for a decade, this lad has not left home, and lives with his parents, what is the age difference here?

MysteryBelle · 02/12/2022 22:04

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 18:00

@MysteryBelle you hit the nail in the head. I’m ending it. Thank you xx

Thank you @Shoulda. I am very proud of you. You are too good for that loser and I’m glad you are taking back your life. Good luck and keep us posted. I am also proud of you for keeping your baby. She is your joy and no one can take that away from you. That is one choice you won’t have to ever regret! You can do much better on the partner front 😉 💐I wish you all the happiness!

emptythelitterbox · 03/12/2022 08:05

Well done on getting rid of this waster.

For the future, insist on the guy wearing a condom every time or get yourself sorted with more permanent birth control.

MrsDarcy1989x · 03/12/2022 12:27

Do you have any male ‘friends’ you’d like to invite to a sleepover OP 😁 what’s good for the goose ..

Pinkclouds80 · 03/12/2022 12:33

Came here just to say I’m sorry to see all the basics giving it the “oh em gee why don’t you live together if you have a baby?!” dogshit. Similar set up here, similar reasons, and it works. Don’t feel you have to over explain that stuff, it’s not the point of your question IMO :)) xx

FlissyPaps · 03/12/2022 12:44

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 18:06

To all the ‘harsh’ posters. You’ve made me realise this ‘relationship’ is not ok… thank you. Thank you. It needs to end. I’ll be talking to him tonight. I want my life back. Me and my babies

Yes Mama! Know your worth❤

ILoveeCakes · 03/12/2022 12:45

You don't own it unless you put a ring on it! ;)

hot2trotter · 03/12/2022 12:46

"My DC are my life. What on earth would I do if I didn’t have them at the weekend? I don’t want to go out partying"

In that case, when do your older children see their dad? You've made it sound like all of your children are with you every weekend, and yet further up you said that you and ex husband co-parent the older two happily. So which is it?

You are being an absolute doormat regarding the issue you've posted about. Get rid of the man child and stop accepting such shady behaviour.

Butchyrestingface · 03/12/2022 12:49

Joyfuljolly · 02/12/2022 20:35

How old are you op? You’ve been married before for a decade, this lad has not left home, and lives with his parents, what is the age difference here?

Yes, I am wondering if this boy is still in his teens.

MoreSleepPleasee · 03/12/2022 12:49

Going with a younger man has definitely not worked out on this occasion has it. Let him see the child and do his things. He's likely been told he has to man up and stay with you for the child but it's not working is it. He's not staying in the same bed as just a friend thats not something 20 year olds just do unless they really like each other. You probably look a little silly. Sorry op.