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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed about a woman staying at DPs house overnight

197 replies

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 11:36

woman From work who he’s good friends with. He’s stayed at hers before(in her bed which I told him I wasn’t happy about) but now she’s staying at his house tonight. He lives at his mums at the moment so she will be there too. She will be staying in the spare room. I’ve brought it up with him before and he knows it doesn’t sit right with me. I trust him but it just feels disrespectful. We have a baby who lives with me and I stay at his house 2-3 nights per week or he comes to my house.
Do I bring this up again or just stay quiet?

OP posts:

FlissyPaps · 03/12/2022 12:50

Butchyrestingface · 03/12/2022 12:49

Yes, I am wondering if this boy is still in his teens.

Show quote history

The OP already posted that he’s mid 20’s and there’s a 13y age gap.

Why don’t people read the OP’s posts before posting?

Butchyrestingface · 03/12/2022 12:50

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 18:01

This makes me so sad. I can’t keep facilitating the behaviour of this man child

It sounds like he may literally be a man child.

Butchyrestingface · 03/12/2022 12:51

FlissyPaps · 03/12/2022 12:50

The OP already posted that he’s mid 20’s and there’s a 13y age gap.

Why don’t people read the OP’s posts before posting?

Show quote history

I did but must have missed that bit. Cheers.

Good she's getting rid.

SkylightSkylight · 03/12/2022 12:53

HRTQueen · 02/12/2022 11:52

You are wanting him to have a mature relationship with you

he isn’t willing to regardless that you have a child together

move on

Well, that's not quite how it is, is it?

She has other children, she doesn't want to live together, ever & they had an unplanned pregnancy.

he's a decade plus younger, seeing a woman with kids & has an unplanned baby with her, she doesn't want to live together,

it's a messy situation, but just as much her doing as his! Arguably she should know better!

THisbackwithavengeance · 03/12/2022 12:55

It's entirely likely that this woman and your DP have no sexual interest in each other at all and he's hardly going to be shagging her at his mum's house. And he wouldn't have even told you.

But if you don't want to live with him even though you've got a child together then he's a boyfriend/babydaddy rather than a DP.

I don't think you can dictate terms if you refuse to live with him in a relationship akin to marriage.

I'm not dismissing your set up btw, it actually sounds bloody marvellous but you can't have it both ways.

Rainraindontgoaway · 03/12/2022 12:58

He stays at hers in her bed, she stays at his whist you are living a different house looking after his kid…. Come on, have a word with yourself.

aloopylou · 03/12/2022 13:10

I'm worried for you OP. You say you've been burnt from a previous relationship and that is why you do not live together. Can totally understand that. HOWEVER, you deserve to be treated better than this and you need to lay down some firm boundaries because it seems he doesn't have any. He has already tested your resilience to this arrangement once before (the bed sharing). Do not settle for less than you deserve, however easy it may seem to do so. His mother could be a smoke screen/willing accomplice but they are adults and they will do whatever they want irrespective of you or the mother.

CamelFlarge · 03/12/2022 14:01

StrawberryWater · 02/12/2022 12:23

Actually this is a very valid point.

Op you claim you like independence, say you don’t ever want to live with him, that you don’t even want to be with him and he’s not even that involved in either your life, your children’s lives nor the child you have together.

So a) why are you with him, b) why do you care what he gets up to and c) why is it any of your business? You’re really nothing more than fuck buddy’s who had an oops baby.

Move on. Dear god.

Show quote history

You're not wrong, @StrawberryWater .

Renalmum · 03/12/2022 14:06

In my opinion this is not a relationship. If baby hadn't come along i very much doubt you'd still be 'together'. You've been burned before and never want to live with another man again. I honestly think you need some counselling for how this previous relationship has affected you. Everyone is bad mouthing your 25? Year old for staying at home. In fact this is very common in this day and age. In my opinion your not in a proper relationship and he can do what he wants because you obviously don't want him.

Charlize43 · 03/12/2022 14:06

Mid 20s? - and probably has a raging libido that is being met by these regular visits to / by his work colleague sharing the bed.

He might as well give the OP a pair of knitted sunglasses for Christmas!

Beefcurtains79 · 03/12/2022 14:39

Shoulda · 02/12/2022 18:10

I wasn’t happy with my exh for lots of reasons. And I did the right thing in leaving him. I met a younger guy and we had a good thing going-casual and fun. Then I got those 2 pink lines. I’m not the type to end a pregnancy. I couldn’t do it-never could. And I’m so glad I didn’t. This little one is just perfect and I’m so glad I have them. But the relationship I have now is less than ideal

“Not the type to end a pregnancy”
Wow.

Liorae · 03/12/2022 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tinker1292 · 03/12/2022 15:04

Sounds to me like you're a strong independent woman who adores her kids and doesn't want to be took the piss out of. Hun just get rid of him. he sounds like more baggage than he's worth and I do not believe they have always been completely platonic.. why is she staying there? Does she not have any other friends?
You have your own money your own home I don't think you need him around lovey. Xxx

StopStartStop · 03/12/2022 15:12

malificent7 · 02/12/2022 11:39

Don't be a mug op.

This.

InsomniacVampire · 03/12/2022 16:30

Butchyrestingface · 03/12/2022 12:49

Yes, I am wondering if this boy is still in his teens.

Show quote history

OP said mid twenties or so I believe.

InsomniacVampire · 03/12/2022 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow, what a horrific comment.
Why do oyu think they will regret not having an abortion in future, just because the father was a bum does not mean the child will not be loved and cared for and grow to be amazing.

piesforever · 03/12/2022 19:13

Hope op is ok xx

Original poster

Shoulda · 04/12/2022 09:27

Missed the one that got deleted. There’s always one that comes up with utter shite!
OP is good. Having a lovely weekend with the DC

OP posts:

bakebeans · 04/12/2022 15:40

yanbu. Regardless of where she is sleeping it doesn't stop them wanting to get it on if they want to. Why isn't she going home? Sounds like he has it easy

Christinatherabbit · 05/12/2022 21:15

If you don't want to be with him in any meaningful way and don't want to live as a family with him and your children then you both single and really he can have any one stay over he likes?

AgnesX · 06/10/2023 07:24

Got stung by an ancient thread Edited.

CurlyTop1980 · 06/10/2023 07:35

What is the reason for the sleep over? Why is she staying there?

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