To leave dh alone with the baby all day tomorrow without telling him

[reddyt]

Dh has gone to sleep in the spare room after our argument tonight, which I have told him I hate!

To top it off, this now means he gets a lovely nights sleep & I am left to do night feeds alone!!!

Im honestly thinking tomorrow i will take our other ds to school, then swan off to the shops or somewhere, leaving him with the baby & not telling him.

I am fully aware this is probably a childish response but this is just where I'm at.

Do it? Or don't do it?

I dont see why not. He is the father. He can parent.

Is he home and off work? Then yes, that is fine.

Why not. If you are apparently the default night parent why can't he be the default day parent

I'd leave a note saying you're visiting someone/doing something, milk in the fridge, will be back by <time>, have fun.

Then put your phone on mute...

What was the argument about?

Removing emotions, who was at fault for the argument? Do you usually both do night feeds together? I think a little more context is needed to know if your response is childish or warranted.

Yeah, of course, if the baby is fed. He is their parent, why wouldn’t you? And don’t say when you are coming back and perhaps consider sending a breezy text at about 5pm saying you’ve been invited out so you will be away overnight, then turn phone off.

He was at fault (not just saying that, he was)
We share night feeds. He is home tomorrow doesn't work Fridays

Absolutely - he's the dad, he can look after his child. Enjoy your day.

So long as he looks after the baby, why not?

I agree with letting him know where you are, after all he didn't just disappear, you know where he is in an emergency

Definitely do it then x

I probably wouldn't as it's just prolonging the argument and I would want to clear things up rather then extend them.

What was the argument

Perfectly reasonable for him to look after his own child if he’s not supposed to be at work, or have a night where you sleep in the spare room and he has the baby.

But I think it’s completely unreasonable and somewhat childish and over dramatic to just not return home for a day and not at least tell him what is going on simply over a night in the spare room. Personally I wouldn’t escalate an argument by just pulling a disappearing act - but then my husband if I pulled that stunt would probably be scared I’d been run over by a car or been taken seriously ill or something and would be calling the police. I wouldn’t do that to him just because he pissed me off and I’d be deeply unimpressed if he did it to me.

Yes do it. You'll probably end up dieting Christmas stuff at shops , which is a good thing

Hmm... so he's at fault in the argument, do you think he would acknowledge that and be apologetic come the morning once he's slept on it? I think the ideal scenario is you calmly and very quickly hash it out in the morning, he's apologetic, and you inform him that you will be taking some time for yourself after the school run to make up for being left alone on the night feed (is he a heavy sleeper? If so, I'm sure it was a very unsettled night for you with lots of wake-ups... correct? )

Of course the above won't work if he's not likely to accept he's in the wrong, or if the conversation will drag out into an argument that you won't have time for before the school run! I just think that if you are able to get him feeling and being sorry first before you tell him about your plans, he will be less likely to stew on it and get the hump.

Though I don't think you'd be at all in the wrong for texting him after school run to tell him you'll be out until X time, I just think it has the potential for him being an arse about it. But I would cheer you on anyway!

Buying!!! Not dieting!!

Isn't this a case of two wrongs don't make a right?
He's stormed off after a row and is essentially avoiding you/giving you the silent treatment.
You going out all day tomorrow without mentioning it, is no different.
Do the school run, come back have an adult conversation about the row. Then tell him, as he had a full night's sleep and you had a very broken one you will be going out/taking a nap etc

I wouldn't, but only because I'd worry the baby would miss me!

Well I wouldn’t want to be away from my baby just to make a point 🤷‍♀️

Taking some time out for a bit of rest and recreation as you’ve had a difficult night, yanbu.

Not communicating with Dh about being out for the day. Yabu.

Not being contactable in case of emergency, yabvu.

After school drop off send a txt or phone him and let him know that you will be out for the day.

Yabu. Perfectly fine for him to look after his own child obviously but you shouldn't use your child to make a point. If you want/need a day out without the baby then fair enough but you should tell him first.