Friend sold gift

[WeIsh]

I should start by caveat this was a gift my father gave to my friend. My father makes absolutely terrible financial decisions all the time. My childhood friend was admiring the object when she visited my childhood home last year and without her asking he gave it to her.

It’s worth about £2k. My father is very cash poor (although reasonably asset rich). I received a text from my friend tonight saying she feels bad but she sold it.

No idea how much she sold it for. She does not need the money but my father does. She knows my parents are struggling financially. The message came completely out of the blue.

I guess he gave it to her but that was because he thought she genuinely liked it and he is very fond of her, having known her so long. (Not to mention he is very daft when it comes to finances.) I’m feeling a bit peeved about it to be honest and haven’t responded. I think it’s quite rude.

What would you do in this situation?

I feel quite sorry for the friend, who is probably feeling miserable over the upset. She should have offered the item back to the OP, but everything seems to hinge on the fact that she genuinely didn't know the item was valuable.

My mother lives giving gifts and has often foisted gifts on me that I don't want. It can be impossible to refuse without hurting her feelings.

This thread is bonkers. People do not keep gifts forever, unless they have sentimental value. They almost always end up being sold, charity shop or thrown away. And nobody in their right mind would consider returning a gift after a year!

The only thing the friend did wrong was not realising how much it was worth.

Yes it was hers to sell but it's a dick move when you are gifted something like that not to offer to return it to the original owner.

My gran did this in her dementia days.started giving away anything and everything.
biggest was those toy car collections all in their little stands and boxes. My uncles inheritance.40000 gone!

It sounds like she was humouring your father while he babbled on about his collection and he gave her the item because he thought she liked it. It also sounds like she spent a year looking at the object that she was given and didn’t like it. So she sold it because she didn’t want to offend him by giving it back. Not because she knew irs value - she clearly didn’t know, she sold it for peanuts.

Really shitty thing to do. When she decided she no longer wanted it then she should have returned it.

This often happens when an item is a lot more valuable than the seller thinks it is.
I saw a £300 item listed as £5 BIN ( Buy it now)

I messaged the seller to say “ those items are rare, and worth £300 each at current values”

She cancelled the sale. ( They had sold within minutes)

They were little Beswick ornaments her husband had bought his mum as a little boy, but in a rare colour.

The Mil had died, and they were clearing her possessions 60 yrs later.

I bought something once at a fair price and was refunded as the seller doubtless had an even better offer.

A Beswick shire horse was on Ebay at a 5 start
it sold for about £5,000

British Heart Foundation donation.

Again a rare colour.

The gift may have been an antique, but it does not have sound as though it was a family heirloom. Once given, it belongs to the recipient to treasure or treat as they are so inclined. I would not give it any thought, and I probably would have wondered why she bothered to tell me.

Do you object to your father giving items that belong to him as gifts? If so, you may wish too share your feelings with him.

Your friend did nothing wrong. I am sure you father anticipated her retaining the object, but once you give a gift , you no longer get any say in how it is maintained or managed.

@WeIsh May I asked what you eventually put in the text message to her? It's great she phoned you back immediately.

For some reason knowing she only sold it for £20 makes her more "innocent".

Someone got a bargain somewhere, your friend isn't strapped for cash and your dad gave it away anyway. So frustrating as it is, no harm done really?

You do you but please mind your judgemental tone. It doesn’t matter on here but if you use it in real life with regard to complicated situations you lack the details on, you will upset people. Regarding the giver, she has lots of antique jewellery, this piece does not have sentimental value, and my daughter will never see her again as she lives the other side of the world and is very old. Also, she’s not a blood relative of my daughter - though in all honesty I wouldn’t care if anyone sold something I gave them that they didn’t want, especially if they needed money. Clearly you would mind but people are different.
Anyway, enough about this situation, it’s not our thread so I’ll leave it there.

That's really shit, poor form.

My name did this too, all her crystal and antique jewellery handed over to various meals on wheels staff and church ladies. By the time we realised, everything of value has gone. Disgusting behaviour from those who knew bloody well that she was vulnerable.

I feel sad for your dad, I hope he never finds out.

Can't believe she only sold it for £25 when it was worth thousands - how stupid can one person be?? 🤦‍♀️

Hi

thats a horrible situation.

I’ll probably just say that’s really sweet of you to sell it for him. He would’ve loved you to keep it, but I think it’s really kind of you to free up the money for him and sent her loads of kisses.

About £25 less stupid than the guy who gave it away for free, I'd say.

Rude of her to sell it ,weird that she told you. But if he needed the money it was a stupid idea to give it to her.

So awkward for you. I've known my friend for forty years and saw she was selling the gift I'd given her last Christmas. I had taken a risk and it didn't suit her. I hope she bought herself something she did like with the money.

Ask your friend for the value of the item back. They will refuse. They are not your friend. My mother had clothing taken by the care home staff. All the nice things we got for her were gone. Tell your dad to not give anything away unless he asks you first.

Totally ridiculous response.

The fact your friend sold it and told you knowing it would probably upset you, is weird.

I'd be honest with her about how you feel.

@CourtneeLuv it absolutely was her to sell.

Yes that was it for us! How did they take it in good faith.

It was hers to do with as she wished but why tell you? She's obviously feeling guilty now but to put it onto you is worse. I wouldn't say anything to your dad as it would only upset him. I would try ignore what she's said and just drop hints on things worth alot that you love them etc so he doesn't gift them in the future.

typical rich kid behaviour

What someone does with a gift is no concern of anyone elses really.