Friend sold gift

[WeIsh]

I should start by caveat this was a gift my father gave to my friend. My father makes absolutely terrible financial decisions all the time. My childhood friend was admiring the object when she visited my childhood home last year and without her asking he gave it to her.

It’s worth about £2k. My father is very cash poor (although reasonably asset rich). I received a text from my friend tonight saying she feels bad but she sold it.

No idea how much she sold it for. She does not need the money but my father does. She knows my parents are struggling financially. The message came completely out of the blue.

I guess he gave it to her but that was because he thought she genuinely liked it and he is very fond of her, having known her so long. (Not to mention he is very daft when it comes to finances.) I’m feeling a bit peeved about it to be honest and haven’t responded. I think it’s quite rude.

What would you do in this situation?

Wow people are so quick to judge on here, assuming that she is some sort of scammer.

Maybe a different way of looking at this:

• Your friend is round your parents and randomly admires an object.
• Your Dad (who sounds a bit strange, to just give a £2k object away like that) immediately offers it to her, which she isn't expecting.
• She doesn't want to offend, and has no idea of it's value, and not unrealistically assumes your Dad doesn't really want it any more, and it's not that valuable so accepts.
• After a while she doesn't want/need it so sticks it on Gumtree for a few quid.

Clearly the mistake here is you not making it clear to your friend at the time it was given what it's value was.

What was the object? I mean I would have no idea how much a random antique plate/cup or whatever was worth if someone just offered it to me. I certainly wouldn't expect it to be worth £2k!!!

Does your father have a habit of being financially generous to women half his age? Is this a pattern?

@Aroundthetwist Yeah basically. Just had a chat with her. She said she was humouring my father because he likes to talk about his art and antiques (he can talk a glass eye to sleep). She said she wasn’t actually keen on it but didn’t want to offend when he insisted she took it. She said she sold it because her partner hated it and complained it was taking up too much space. She had no idea it was valuable. It’s an acquired taste for sure but it sold within an hour of her listing it so someone saw it was worth something.

My father was stupid for giving it to her. This is just one example of a litany of bad financial decisions he has made.

I can see she listed it on FB marketplace a few hours ago. She has messaged the buyer but I accept we are probably not going to get it back tbh. Not feeling particularly happy right now but I’ve got to calm down and get ready for work tomorrow.

Do you know how ridiculous you sound.

@Hont1986 He gives money and items to lots of people. It’s nothing like you are insinuating. He has a perpetual need to be liked that I find occasionally infuriating.

I can see she listed it on FB marketplace a few hours ago. She has messaged the buyer but I accept we are probably not going to get it back tbh. Not feeling particularly happy right now but I’ve got to calm down and get ready for work tomorrow.

So she hasn’t given the item to the buyer yet?

I would be very clear with her that you expect her to not give the item to buyer. And offer her the £25 (you shouldn’t have to but she’s an idiot so I’d just do it).

Thanks everyone for the advice by the way. I’m going to get ready for bed. Nothing more I can do about it.

Following your last update, I can't see that your friend has done anything wrong. I can see why you're annoyed, but she didn't realise its value.

I would say this absolutely.I’d definitely be seeing her in a different light from now on.

Exactly this!

Some of the responses are insane here. She's a 'fucking moron' because she didn't know the value of some random item someone's Dad gave her?! Really? Everyone who isn't an antique's expert is a 'fucking moron'?! What a way to view the world!

If it is true she only got £25 for it, then she's been massively, massively ripped off and it's possible that the person who's bought it off her for £25, may even have broken some kind of law for fraud. I don't know. I don't really know enough about it, but you need to find out who she sold it to.

As a few of the posters have said, it's very likely she made quite a lot more money from it, but she should have at least kept it real and said she got for £500 or something.

I know it's fucking annoying when you give somebody something and they actually go on to sell it. Yes yes yes I KNOW it's theirs once you give it lalalalalalala..... 🙄 BUT ...

I had a particular item around four years ago (think item of jewellery,) and there was a friend of mine that kept cooing about how much she absolutely loved it. It was a sort of £100-110 pound price range. So I actually went and bought it for her 40th birthday a few months after, and she was over the moon and really chuffed. 'I absolutely love it,' she said.

About three or four months after, I met up with her and she said. 'Hope you don't mind, it was our neighbour's daughter's 21st birthday last week, and I gave her that lovely piece of jewellery you gave me. I thought it's so special and so wonderful that she would love it.' I was fucking fuming. £110 I spent on this item, and less than four months later, she'd fucking regifted it to some random neighbour I had never met, and wouldn't know from Adam!

Well that was the last gift she ever got. I never even bought her a box of Maltesers after that! She bought me a gift for Christmas some months later worth about eight quid, and I gave her nothing. She seemed stunned when I just handed her a card with nothing in it. 'oh er thanks' she said with a bit of an eye roll. Nope. Nothing more for her. Not after the shitty fucking thing she did to me. Never gave her anything again. Never got anything back from her after the eight pound Christmas gift she got me either. GOOD.

Your friend may have wanted to clear her conscience so messaged you about selling the antique.

I'd be hopping mad and would have to let her know upsetting it was to you.

The contect of this situation is your father struggling financially and it leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth.

Do you know how ridiculous you sound.

Not ridiculous at all? It's a valid question. Unprecedented inappropriate flirtatious behaviour is a very common sign of dementia, ask anyone who works in a care home. It very much changes my opinion of whether OP is BU if her dad has given this object away completely willingly or if the friend exerted any pressure. From the sounds of it, it wasn't pressured at all and this gift was completely freely given, actually somewhat against the friend's wishes.

it's possible that the person who's bought it off her for £25, may even have broken some kind of law for fraud

Erm...I don't think so.

On the contrary, I think that's actually a very valid point. Some middle-aged men (like aged 45 plus) do like to pay lots of attention to women quite a bit younger than them and spend money on them. I bet he would not have given it to a man, of his own age - or younger. So yes, it is something to think about.

@PurpleButterflyWings that was shitty of your friend. I can't wrap my head around some of the shitty stuff people do, I'd be over the moon if someone gifted me something so very special.

Now I’ve seen your update I don’t think she did anything wrong actually.

Whilst £25 sounds low I do wonder about the £2k valuation. Unless it’s something very special antiques are rarely worth what people think. Even jewellery devalues unless it’s a particularly special stone etc.

Thank you Jennybeans. Yes, it was really horrible thing to do wasn't it? Like I say, I know some people say once you've given somebody something, then it becomes theirs - and they should be able to do what they please with it. But there has got to be a limit, and there's got to be exceptions.

If you spending over 100 pound on a beautiful piece of jewellery for someone's 40th birthday, (or spend less even!) and they give the gift to some random neighbour's daughter just four months later, is just bloody horrible in my opinion.

I was actually very angry and very upset about it. Still am! Needless to say, I don't have much to do with this 'friend' now - (or should I say, ex friend!)

Have they already collected it?

Just send her a link to this thread 😈

I know some people say once you've given somebody something, then it becomes theirs - and they should be able to do what they please with it. But there has got to be a limit, and there's got to be exceptions.

No limits, no exceptions. You have to bear that in mind when gifting something to someone. Once you've given it to them, it's theirs. It's that simple.

Obviously, it's hurtful that she didn't value the gift you gave her, but it was hers and she can do what she likes with it.

If she didn't want it, she should have refused to take it.
What she did was absolutely not on.

If someone asks £25 for an item & someone else pays what was asked, where's the fraud?

What's the legal position with 'knockers'? I know of an old person who fell victim to them when they were ill & vulnerable - all sorts of things disappeared from the house.

I think a modified version of this message would be appropriate. Just because your dad does silly stuff, it doesn’t mean she had to take or sell the gift. Idk how old your ‘friend’ or your dad is. But she’s taken advantage of him even if it was unwitting.

Or she could've offered it to OP first, on the grounds that iy might have sentimental value to OP.