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Original poster

Friend sold gift

225 replies

WeIsh · 30/11/2022 22:35

I should start by caveat this was a gift my father gave to my friend. My father makes absolutely terrible financial decisions all the time. My childhood friend was admiring the object when she visited my childhood home last year and without her asking he gave it to her.

It’s worth about £2k. My father is very cash poor (although reasonably asset rich). I received a text from my friend tonight saying she feels bad but she sold it.

No idea how much she sold it for. She does not need the money but my father does. She knows my parents are struggling financially. The message came completely out of the blue.

I guess he gave it to her but that was because he thought she genuinely liked it and he is very fond of her, having known her so long. (Not to mention he is very daft when it comes to finances.) I’m feeling a bit peeved about it to be honest and haven’t responded. I think it’s quite rude.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
ScruffGin · 01/12/2022 08:52

No idea where the weird emoji came from... Sorry!

WhatNapkinRing · 01/12/2022 08:58

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone so totally dim they didn’t research what the time was worth before selling it.

Forget all the moral handwringing however justified.

diddl · 01/12/2022 09:01

Why do people think that the friend should have offered it to the Op first?

Perhaps Op could at some point have said to her friend that she'd love to have the item if friend ever wanted rid?

Ivyonafence · 01/12/2022 09:09

diddl · 01/12/2022 09:01

Why do people think that the friend should have offered it to the Op first?

Perhaps Op could at some point have said to her friend that she'd love to have the item if friend ever wanted rid?

I think it's a bit weird OP didn't say at the time 'hey friend, you're probably not aware but that trinket Dad gave you is actually quite valuable, you know how reckless he's gotten with money lately and how worried I am about him being impulsive. Would you mind if he had it back in case he needs to sell it one day?'

GrasstrackGirl · 01/12/2022 09:13

It’s pretty obvious that the buyer has already collected the item.

I think she’s a muppet for selling it for £25 but apart from that she’s done nothing wrong.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/12/2022 09:17

WeIsh · 30/11/2022 23:43

@Hont1986 He gives money and items to lots of people. It’s nothing like you are insinuating. He has a perpetual need to be liked that I find occasionally infuriating.

I empathise....

Have an elderly parent that does similarly...

How old is your father? Is he an age where he can be (more) easily exploited.

I've told everyone around my dad, to please not accept random gifts, given on the hoof.... He's given away loads....

Some people have obviously scammed him,sadly..

I'm sure there at people in the past who have taken stuff, just not to upset him....

JustCakeInDrag · 01/12/2022 09:42

Ivyonafence · 01/12/2022 09:09

I think it's a bit weird OP didn't say at the time 'hey friend, you're probably not aware but that trinket Dad gave you is actually quite valuable, you know how reckless he's gotten with money lately and how worried I am about him being impulsive. Would you mind if he had it back in case he needs to sell it one day?'

Show quote history

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but it might have been helpful to mention its value on the pretext of insurance. An individual item worth £2k would need to be named on the policy.

Kennykenkencat · 01/12/2022 09:42

Given the circumstances I think it's entirely reasonable that she assumed it was worthless. If you popped in to visit someone, said that's a nice table' and they immediately gifted it to you, you would assume it was just a table and not a prize antique worth thousands, wouldn't you?! Why would your Dad's friend give you a table worth £2000 for no reason

The circumstances are that the friend didn’t just pop in and admire something and was gifted it. From the description of the father he had told friend about the antiques and art he has. So giving her something from his collection it was going to be worth something.
The fact that the friend obviously thought the father was a fool and had nothing of value and in her expert opinion had appraised the old stuff he had as trash is disrespectful and arrogant. That she took the item to humour him is just patronising. To then sell the gift at a knock down price is hurtful and just shows how little she thinks of your father.

The fact that the friend has money makes it look even worse. That she treats gifts in such a cavalier way that she doesn’t bother to listen or to find out an items true worth when advertising it

There is something very off about the friends attitude to your father and to money and to you in general. Why tell you?

She might be your friend but personally I wouldn’t be able to look at her in the same way again as this has shown up what she really thinks of your father

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/12/2022 09:50

onlythreenow · 01/12/2022 03:32

Normally I would say if you are given a gift you can do what you like with it, but not in this case. Your DF gave an expensive item to your friend because she admired it - she is the lowest of the low for then selling it, and how she had the brass neck to actually tell you!!!!!!

Either she has to keep it for ever, even though she never asked for it, maybe she has nowhere to put it or it looks out of place.

If that was the case she shouldn't have accepted it in the first place.

Or she should have gone back to the OP or OPs dad and said

Ive loved having it for the past year - but we no longer have sufficient space... Would you like it back (to sell).

THAT IT ALL SHE HAD TO DO TO AVOID THIS GRIMNESS...

GimmeSleep · 01/12/2022 09:51

Surely in this sort of situation it goes

"Hi Lauren, you know that ornament your dad gave me last year? Well I'm thinking of getting rid of it, would you like it back?"

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/12/2022 09:52

PS only when you /your dad had said... No its OK we don't want this 2k gift returned, please sell it and keep the money.... Should she have sold it....

(if indeed she did only sell it for 25£....)

MaryMollyPolly · 01/12/2022 09:57

I don’t believe for one moment that she sold it for £25. She’s just telling the OP that.

JustCakeInDrag · 01/12/2022 09:59

MaryMollyPolly · 01/12/2022 09:57

I don’t believe for one moment that she sold it for £25. She’s just telling the OP that.

OP says she's seen the FB Marketplace listing.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/12/2022 10:01

ChocChipOwl · 01/12/2022 05:45

Who says it's worth 2 grand? It probably isn't.

And she's had it a year? And it sounds like it was foisted on her anyway.

This isn't the friend at fault here

Even if it was foisted on her... She still should have asked OP & father she no longer wanted to display it and what should she do...

YouTarzan · 01/12/2022 10:01

If I were the friend in this situation it would have gone to the charity shop.

dampthursday · 01/12/2022 10:09

I don’t think your parents financial issues are relevant here. Your dad is an adult and if he would rather give away a £2k item rather than sell it, even when your parents are struggling for money, then that’s his prerogative and it’s not down to your friend to help manage his possessions/finances.

I did think it was a bit rude that she’d accepted it and then quickly sold it, but then I saw your update that her partner really disliked it and she had no idea it was valuable. I really don’t think she’s done anything wrong, except maybe refusing to accept it in the first place. Someone should have told her how much it was worth!

MaryMollyPolly · 01/12/2022 10:11

JustCakeInDrag · 01/12/2022 09:59

OP says she's seen the FB Marketplace listing.

Show quote history

Oh, OK, I missed that.

butterfliedtwo · 01/12/2022 10:35

dampthursday · 01/12/2022 10:09

I don’t think your parents financial issues are relevant here. Your dad is an adult and if he would rather give away a £2k item rather than sell it, even when your parents are struggling for money, then that’s his prerogative and it’s not down to your friend to help manage his possessions/finances.

I did think it was a bit rude that she’d accepted it and then quickly sold it, but then I saw your update that her partner really disliked it and she had no idea it was valuable. I really don’t think she’s done anything wrong, except maybe refusing to accept it in the first place. Someone should have told her how much it was worth!

All of this. Except a year on isn't selling it quickly IMO.

Sickofcoughing · 01/12/2022 10:35

I would be furious. She sold it and it's the undercurrent of sneering at your father's gift that would hurt too.

Why do people think it's ok to SELL gifts? At least gift it on.

In her situation she should have phoned you or your father and said listen the item is gorgeous but I can't find a place for it in our home anywhere. I've tried and it's not working with the space and decor. I'm going to return it but thank you so much.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 01/12/2022 10:36

What the hell is wrong with your friend??? Who would do such a thing - accept an antique, then sell it, and for a very low amount? She should have just given back, or given it to you. Stupid and rude are two words that come to mind.

mam0918 · 01/12/2022 10:38

See I dont see it as 'hers to sell'.

A gift bought for and given to a person yes its yours but anything that someone gave you that is theirs because you took an visable interest in (basically asking without saying the words) its just basic manners to offer it back if you no longer want it... I treat hand me down things more like loans than 'gifts'.

I mean if she had been talking about not having the stuff needed to put up a new shelf and your DH said to here in that convosation 'here take my drill' (even without her 'asking' for it) surely no one would think it right for her to then sell it.

mam0918 · 01/12/2022 10:39
  • DF not DH
PickyEaters · 01/12/2022 10:42

Nothing you can do about it. It was hers to sell whether she needed the money or just didn't really like it.

LimeTwists · 01/12/2022 10:45

StoneofDestiny · 30/11/2022 22:50

I'd either say, 'my dad gave that to you because he thought your love of the object outweighed his need for money by selling it himself'. I'd rather you hadn't taken it if to you didn't love it enough to treasure it, as my dad is struggling financially and would have benefitted from the money it would raise.

Or, I'd see her as an ignorant and insensitive person and not the friend I thought she was.

But I'd probably have to do both.

This is really well written. I’d say something like this.

Totally get that it’s now hers to do what she likes with, but the fact that it’s so valuable, that it had such sentimental value, that it was given with such generosity by someone who is still alive and who would benefit more from the money and, most importantly of all, would be upset to know it was sold…it’s really bad, OP. I am with you on this. She could at least offer him some of the money.

Overgrowngrasslady · 01/12/2022 10:48

I’m not sure she did anything wrong either, she didn’t like it, thought it was worth 20 quid and only took it as not to offend your father.

one of my in laws friends did this, I still have the item, I do not like it at all, but she forced it on us.it was so awkward as we kept saying no, fortunately it’s relatively small but I’ve had that thing on display for about 20 years 😂

the woman has now passed and weirdly I still don’t feel I can get rid, so I think it’s with us for the duration. Sigh. If it was big and took up space it likely would be different.

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