Friend sold gift

[WeIsh]

I should start by caveat this was a gift my father gave to my friend. My father makes absolutely terrible financial decisions all the time. My childhood friend was admiring the object when she visited my childhood home last year and without her asking he gave it to her.

It’s worth about £2k. My father is very cash poor (although reasonably asset rich). I received a text from my friend tonight saying she feels bad but she sold it.

No idea how much she sold it for. She does not need the money but my father does. She knows my parents are struggling financially. The message came completely out of the blue.

I guess he gave it to her but that was because he thought she genuinely liked it and he is very fond of her, having known her so long. (Not to mention he is very daft when it comes to finances.) I’m feeling a bit peeved about it to be honest and haven’t responded. I think it’s quite rude.

What would you do in this situation?

It's unfair to suggest you tell
your friend your dad is struggling,he's struggling because of his poor choices, I'd address that rather than be angry at her.

Honestly, this sounds like a genuine misunderstanding, and I don't think your friend acted in an unreasonable manner. She clearly didn't realise the object was valuable since she sold it so cheaply, and I also think that if you are not an expert, it's totally reasonable to assume that an object that you have been gifted by a friend's parent is not particularly valuable and doesn't hold particular sentimental value for the family - it's very unusual to be given something worth thousands. So I wouldn't blame her for not knowing if nobody had pointed out to her that it was actually valuable.

So from her perspective, your friend believed she had been given something worth £25. I think it wasn't unreasonable of her to hold onto it for a year then get rid of it. It's a bit tacky to sell a gift, but if she was selling a bunch of stuff as part of a clearout, I wouldn't blame her for adding it too.

Unfortunately I think the only thing to do in this case is to move on. It's part of life that for many reasons people value things differently, and are sometimes gifted things they don't really want/value as much as the giver did. Happened to me recently with a painting. I was given a painting done by the giver's mother, a professional artist. It was really not my style. I put it up in a side room for 3-4 years, then when it came to move house I gave it away. I know the picture was probably "worth" more to those who gave it, maybe £200, but I wasn't comfortable to sell it in case they saw the listing, so I just gave it away so that someone who actually likes that style can enjoy it.

In this kind of case I would trust that things go around and come around in the world, and just hope that the object is now with someone who will really cherish it, or really needs the money - in the same way that I'm happy if I'm surprised with an unexpected find or bargain.

I think that's terrible!
She obviously feels guilty and is looking for you to justify her behaviour. Your dad should not have been so quick to give it away though and it was hers to sell, but morally very wrong!

I had someone on eBay say that they were sorry but didn’t realise that it was no longer available. They had been away with work and the item had been given away. They then just refunded me the money. This was a buy now though. Could there be a way of saying that her husband had trashed it or given it to charity.

Just realised actually that she has already messaged them sorry

He gave it her a year ago as a gift and she’s now decided to sell it. It was hers to sell, he gave it her as a gift. That’s how gifts work. It’s none of your business really as the item belonged to her at the time of the sale, she was obviously just being courteous letting you know.

I understand how it happened but why didn’t she just give it back to you if she no longer wanted it?

she obviously doesn’t need the money, so she should have given it to you.

I don't dispute that it's possible with the internet etc. to maybe find this information out, but that's not the same as being a 'fucking moron' for not having a sense it was valuable.

Given the circumstances I think it's entirely reasonable that she assumed it was worthless. If you popped in to visit someone, said that's a nice table' and they immediately gifted it to you, you would assume it was just a table and not a prize antique worth thousands, wouldn't you?! Why would your Dad's friend give you a table worth £2000 for no reason?!

Evidently, she was wrong, but it was a completely understandable mistake. It doesn't make her a 'fucking moron' or some sort of evil scam artist.

Nothing. It was hers to sell. Maybe your father didn’t like it as much as you thought he did 🤷‍♀️ And, if he did like it that much then nothing good will come out of telling him. Plus, if you’re annoyed with your friend, then it just sounds like jealousy that she’s made some money from something that your father gave to her.

If it is true she only got £25 for it, then she's been massively, massively ripped off and it's possible that the person who's bought it off her for £25, may even have broken some kind of law for fraud. I don't know. I don't really know enough about it, but you need to find out who she sold it to.

Fraud is deception. It is not fraudulent to pay the asking price for an item. The buyer probably realises they have got the bargain of the century from a very naïve seller and that’s possibly a touch unethical but certainly not illegal. Unless the buyer paid with counterfeit notes there is no fraud here.

Uour not going to feel the same about the friendship ever again do nothing lost in asking for the money.

Just say oh that’s a shame your didn’t keep it, are you looking for Dads bank details to send him the money as he sure could use it.

Sorry I’m used there are pages and it’s being sorted 🙈

If she liked it that much why the F did she sell it!!!
id challenge her - tell you dad she sold it as he probably gave it to her to keep -I’d also watch out for this going forward - she may choose to like something else!!!!
it’s not nice

Why would he not sell himself if he's struggling for cash instead of giving it away for that person to do what they want with.

I guess it was hers to sell - sounds like a bit of an unwise, if well-meaning, gift from your father. However I'd also be pissed off that she'd sold it, particularly so soon and for so little. I think you'd be perfectly reasonable to tell her how you feel.

It was hers to dispose of. And it sounds like it was a white elephant and she needed the space back.

That's not how human emotions work.

And it's not how friendships work. You're not obligated to accept all behavior that is legally acceptable.

She could have messaged you before she sold it. If she hated it to ask your opinion. Why message after the fact?

She could have given it to charity, but she sold it.

Of course. It's understandably annoying and upsetting, but there is little point in dwelling on it.

From further updates from the OP it doesn't even sound like she's done anything deliberately wrong. Let it go.

@Twiglets1 so the giver was actually wearing it when she decided to give it to your daughter? It wasn't gathering dust in the back of a drawer, the giver cared about it enough to be using it. She might want to wear it again.

And no I don't keep every gift I have been given forever, but if a family member gave me their antique jewellery while they were still alive, I wouldn't sell it for profit. If I didn't want it I would offer to give it back to them, or pass it on to another family member if that's what they preferred. It's hardly a set of bath salts with no material or sentimental value.

I find MN responses to these questions really out of line with my own thinking. The consensus is always a poundshop Ayn Rand assessment that as a gift is legally hers to do with as she wishes and no laws have been broken you are unreasonable to be unhappy as it’s none of your business. Human relationships are a bit more complex than this; you understand that and so does your friend, otherwise she wouldn’t have messaged you in a fit of conscience after making the sale. I’d be pissed off too.

Whilst I appreciate why you are upset, when you give a gift you cannot make stipulations about what someone does with that gift afterwards. That completely negates the point of gifting. Gifts arent conditional eg. you can have this sculpture but you have to display it on your mantelpiece at all times etc.. The more pressing issue here is your father's lack of financial awareness and spending recklessly on things he doesnt need to- address that otherwise this will continue and get worse.

Only listed a few hours ago yet someone has already collected it and paid ? Weird.
Really bad of her not to offer it back to you first, in case you wanted it or your Dad regretted giving it away. To sell it for only £25 is bizarre for a start. I assume it is a piece of furniture or a painting ?

Not weird at all if it’s an item worth £2000 and listed for £25. You can set up key word alerts on eBay and Facebook Marketplace so you get a notification when something is listed. It’s probably been snapped up by a dealer who will immediately flip it and make an easy £2k.

@SirVixofVixHall · Today 08:45

Only listed a few hours ago yet someone has already collected it and paid ? Weird

Not weird at all when it was listed for £25 and was worth £2k! As soon as someone spotted it they'd want to collect, they wouldn't want to run the risk of someone else messaging and getting into a bidding war

🙄