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Original poster

DH just said he agrees with the parents in NZ

214 replies

Oliolo · 30/11/2022 18:42

Sorry wasn't sure what to put as the title.

My DH has just said he wouldn't want his child treated with "vaccinated blood" either and wholeheartedly agrees with the NZ parents.

We don't have any kids but we are (were 😞) TTC.

He didn't have the vaccine which is his choice and I've tried not to discuss it with him too much because he can get very worked up about it.

He thinks vaccinated blood will give people cancer within 2-5 years. The "elites" know all about it and it would be child abuse to give a child vaccinated blood. He says deaths are up 10 fold since the vaccine.

I'm now seriously reconsidering TTC.

Wwyd in this situation? We've been together for 15 years. He never used to be an anti vaxxer. These extreme views started after the pandemic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oliolo · 30/11/2022 21:19

Tbh I'm not really sure how bothered he is about TTC.

I think he'd be fine if I said I wanted to stop.

If I said I wanted to leave, I'm not sure how he'd react.

OP posts:
Calmdown14 · 30/11/2022 21:19

Oh OP you sound lovely and I really feel for you.

But you are already unhappy. This is affecting you more than you realise. You are lying to your family and cutting people out. He might not be doing it directly or consciously but his actions are causing it.

I would give him an ultimatum of counselling for you both (but individually please don't do it jointly) but set a timeframe to leave (soon).

Do not waste your fertile years. You still have time but not much. You don't have the luxury of time to try and save him without ruining your own life. Sorry

CarefreeMe · 30/11/2022 21:22

I think he'd be fine if I said I wanted to stop.

Why do you think that?

I do believe he has been brainwashed and is anti-vaxx but I wonder if the whole ‘I don’t want our child vaccinated’ is actually him trying to get out of TTC.

stanner · 30/11/2022 21:24

My heart breaks for you but if he won't accept it then you can't help him. I think people who believe these conspiracy theories feel 'special', thinking they know something that they're not meant to 😳 I guess it can be intoxicating. It's also something that doesn't seem to begin and end with the vaccine, which your post about prepping confirms. He's too far into this to be dragged back with evidence and logic.

Those saying that it's ok to have differing views, of course it is, but not on something that can have such an impact on OP's life and the life of her future children. There are some subjects where you simply have to be on the same page and your children's health is one! Good luck xx

Original poster
Oliolo · 30/11/2022 21:35

stanner · 30/11/2022 21:24

My heart breaks for you but if he won't accept it then you can't help him. I think people who believe these conspiracy theories feel 'special', thinking they know something that they're not meant to 😳 I guess it can be intoxicating. It's also something that doesn't seem to begin and end with the vaccine, which your post about prepping confirms. He's too far into this to be dragged back with evidence and logic.

Those saying that it's ok to have differing views, of course it is, but not on something that can have such an impact on OP's life and the life of her future children. There are some subjects where you simply have to be on the same page and your children's health is one! Good luck xx

Thank you. Yes, he definitely feels special and like he's one of the enlightened ones.

Sounds ridiculous typing it out.

OP posts:
PestorPeston · 30/11/2022 21:41

Weapons? What sort of weapon?
Axes, knives, guns, crossbow, bats, catapult, legal or illegal?
Who is he going to use them on?
Who is he going to practise on?
Is it rational for him to have them?

DH has at least half a dozen axes, he could bore you senseless with their uses. They are tools of a trade.

Original poster
Oliolo · 30/11/2022 21:46

PestorPeston · 30/11/2022 21:41

Weapons? What sort of weapon?
Axes, knives, guns, crossbow, bats, catapult, legal or illegal?
Who is he going to use them on?
Who is he going to practise on?
Is it rational for him to have them?

DH has at least half a dozen axes, he could bore you senseless with their uses. They are tools of a trade.

He has knives and crossbows.

OP posts:
imnotsickbutimnotwell · 30/11/2022 21:47

Oliolo · 30/11/2022 21:04

Thank you for all the posts. I have read them all. Sometimes when I think about splitting up I feel relief for myself but also sorry for him.. as in what if he never finds someone else? What if I've wasted his time? What if he never has children?

I hate the thought of him being alone.

None of that is your problem sorry to sound harsh but it’s not. You sound like a nice person he isn’t worthy of that when he is putting his beliefs before your health by stopping you getting vaccinated.

Maybe he will meet someone who thinks the same as he does and they can live happily ever after.

You need to put yourself first. He is dumping all this emotional manipulative crap on to you hoping you will give in and succumb to his way of thinking. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to exit this relationship.

AbeSapien · 30/11/2022 21:48

A good friend has pretty much lost his marriage to this.
Started a while ago, his wife posting weird Pro trump conspiracy theories on Facebook, only realised when another friend was trying to argue with her about the post.
My friend kept it quiet, but during covid it got too much, turns out she had gone full Qanon, the kids couldn't watch Disney /Marvel films because that was apparently run by secret paedophile cult, (also Tom Hanks for some reason) no Nestle owned products in the house....
Then covid came along and she went full covid denying conspiracy (it was all made up to make trump look bad) obviously no to vaccines etc
My friend is now stuck in a loveless marriage trying to shelter his kids from this as much as possible.
Sad thing is she has a degree in biology!
As Stanner says Conspiracy theories make people feel empowered in a complex world.

One thing that did help was Trump & all the qanon accounts getting banned from twitter, after the Capitol riots.

My advice to the OP is get out a d certainly don't have kids with this guy.

Stopthebusplease · 30/11/2022 21:49

You say that you have been together for 15 years, and that you are 30 OP. I'm a lot older than you, but when I was your age, I noticed that everyone around me at the same age was having various relationship problems. It seems that a lot of them had taken several years to find out who they really were, and realise that they were in relationships with the wrong people. As the years have gone by, I've realised that when I met my ex husband (I was 15) I thought the sun shone out of his backside, by the time I was 30, we had both changed. We had a child together, but we had also grown up, travelled, and lived life a little. After another couple of years of not being unhappy, but not being happy either, we decided to call it a day. We realised that we had both changed a LOT over the intervening years, and wanted different things in life. At 15 all I wanted was a man to love me, a home, and eventually a family, but at 30, while I loved my child, I had become someone who needed to get back out in the world, and be thought of as a person in my own right, rather than just a wife and mother. I am now very happily married to someone else, and have been for 23 years, so please don't think that it's impossible to start over. I'm not sure if you're still working, but assume you probably are, so there is absolutely nothing but fear to stop you moving on, and finding someone who believes in the things you do, now that you are grown up and the person you are likely to remain. Your DH has turned into someone you don't agree with, and don't understand, make the move NOW, before you're too old to have a family with someone who really gets YOU, and who you feel comfortable with, but please, DON'T have a child with this man, he's NOT the one for you.

Original poster
Oliolo · 30/11/2022 21:55

Stopthebusplease · 30/11/2022 21:49

You say that you have been together for 15 years, and that you are 30 OP. I'm a lot older than you, but when I was your age, I noticed that everyone around me at the same age was having various relationship problems. It seems that a lot of them had taken several years to find out who they really were, and realise that they were in relationships with the wrong people. As the years have gone by, I've realised that when I met my ex husband (I was 15) I thought the sun shone out of his backside, by the time I was 30, we had both changed. We had a child together, but we had also grown up, travelled, and lived life a little. After another couple of years of not being unhappy, but not being happy either, we decided to call it a day. We realised that we had both changed a LOT over the intervening years, and wanted different things in life. At 15 all I wanted was a man to love me, a home, and eventually a family, but at 30, while I loved my child, I had become someone who needed to get back out in the world, and be thought of as a person in my own right, rather than just a wife and mother. I am now very happily married to someone else, and have been for 23 years, so please don't think that it's impossible to start over. I'm not sure if you're still working, but assume you probably are, so there is absolutely nothing but fear to stop you moving on, and finding someone who believes in the things you do, now that you are grown up and the person you are likely to remain. Your DH has turned into someone you don't agree with, and don't understand, make the move NOW, before you're too old to have a family with someone who really gets YOU, and who you feel comfortable with, but please, DON'T have a child with this man, he's NOT the one for you.

This resonates a lot. Thank you. Genuinely.

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 30/11/2022 22:04

He sounds mentally ill with some kind of paranoia. I read an autobiography about something similar recently. It's called Educated by Tara Westover.

It's only going to get worse so I would get out now while you still can. Also these things are often hereditary so don't have a child with him unless he's had medical assessment and you have some idea of the implications.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 30/11/2022 22:04

I couldn't be with him. He sounds mad. Don't have a baby with him. Infact run for the hills.

Stopthebusplease · 30/11/2022 22:10

I'm glad if what I said in my earlier post has helped OP. I know it won't be easy to start over, but if you could do with someone to talk to, please feel free to message me direct.

BMW6 · 30/11/2022 22:13

He has knives and fucking CROSSBOWS?????

Is that legal? Are you not really worried about what he is prepared to do?

I am so shocked that you are in a relationship with him still.

RedToothBrush · 30/11/2022 22:42

GreenLeavesRustling · 30/11/2022 18:44

Nope. I am afraid that sort of twattery would be the end for me.

sorry.

This.

I couldn't be with someone who was into conspiracy theories because it will only end up with a pile more shit and grief you don't need.

whynotwhatknot · 30/11/2022 23:07

Weapons? and he accused you of losing the baby because of the flu jab

i would have left at that point hesnot nice at all

whynotwhatknot · 30/11/2022 23:08

youre also scare because you been with him since you were a teen-of course its daunting but people can and do change

Legallypinkish · 30/11/2022 23:50

I think no matter what your beliefs it wouldn’t be wise to have a baby with someone who had completely different views to you.

Maria1982 · 30/11/2022 23:52

Oliolo · 30/11/2022 21:04

Thank you for all the posts. I have read them all. Sometimes when I think about splitting up I feel relief for myself but also sorry for him.. as in what if he never finds someone else? What if I've wasted his time? What if he never has children?

I hate the thought of him being alone.

Hey! Why would you have wasted his time?? Where are those coming from.

not that it’s always helpful to dine fault, but surely in this case he is the one who has changed drastically since you’ve been together . If anything he has wasted your time.

Maria1982 · 30/11/2022 23:55

I know we are all saying Leave him and a don’t have a baby with him, and I just want to say I completely get how difficult it is to contemplate that when he has been your life partner through your entire adult life. I hear you, I do not wish to minimise the magnitude of this for a minute.

But sadly I still think it would be best for you long term to leave him. (You’ve said yourself you feel relief when you think about leaving him… I think that tells you a lot).

Maria1982 · 30/11/2022 23:56

Maria1982 · 30/11/2022 23:52

Hey! Why would you have wasted his time?? Where are those coming from.

not that it’s always helpful to dine fault, but surely in this case he is the one who has changed drastically since you’ve been together . If anything he has wasted your time.

Show quote history

Helpful to find fault

excuses typos …

whynotwhatknot · 30/11/2022 23:57

i agree hes wasted your time you havent wasted his

Ameadowwalk · 01/12/2022 06:30

Oliolo · 30/11/2022 21:46

He has knives and crossbows.

Show quote history

Given that you say you don’t know how he would react if you were to leave, and he has a stockpile of weapons, I would speak to some-one professional about this situation - women’s aid or the police - once you have decided what to do. Make sure someone else knows and can advise on how you to leave safely.
he’s basically got an armoury. Are the weapons licensed/legal?

poefaced · 01/12/2022 06:40

This is a good point and it almost makes it more difficult because he would be the first person to get up in the night, he wouldn't question me regarding breastfeeding etc. He is extremely supportive and caring in every way.

You might find the reality will be different if you actually have a baby with him.

Many men start / ramp-up abuse when their partner is pregnant or has the baby, and given your updates, I think he will become controlling at the very least.

He has friends. I don't really have any friends anymore. I'm not sure why, just life I guess.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he is part of the reason why you don’t have friends or a support network.

You are young, please don’t let this become your whole life.