DH just said he agrees with the parents in NZ

[Oliolo]

Sorry wasn't sure what to put as the title.

My DH has just said he wouldn't want his child treated with "vaccinated blood" either and wholeheartedly agrees with the NZ parents.

We don't have any kids but we are (were 😞) TTC.

He didn't have the vaccine which is his choice and I've tried not to discuss it with him too much because he can get very worked up about it.

He thinks vaccinated blood will give people cancer within 2-5 years. The "elites" know all about it and it would be child abuse to give a child vaccinated blood. He says deaths are up 10 fold since the vaccine.

I'm now seriously reconsidering TTC.

Wwyd in this situation? We've been together for 15 years. He never used to be an anti vaxxer. These extreme views started after the pandemic.

I'm afraid you're with a complete idiot and you need to get out before more of his tin hat conspiracy theories emerge.

@Oliolo - have you asked him if he would let a child die, if the only alternative was a blood transfusion? Or if you needed one, to save your life, and he was asked to consent (because you were unconscious and unable to give consent) - would he let you die?

Yes very similar and I think there are a lot of them out there.

We have 3 children and I am not thinking of leaving over this unless it gets more extreme. It's certainly embarrassing and it might be what would cause a split in the future. I actually don't have a huge problem with him refusing the vaccine and refusing to get our children vaccinated as they have all had Covid twice and none of them were particularly ill (my DH would have taken Ivermectin himself if he could have sourced some, that's another ridiculous belief) and it's possible that an adverse effect from the vaccine would be more risky for the children than the virus at this point in time. It's everything else that I struggle with , collapse of the banking system , loss of power etc etc etc. It seemed to start with the vaccine and snowball from there. I think he may have bought an axe to defend himself with! He knows I don't want to hear about it. If this had all started before we had any children then I don't know what I would have done, I certainly wouldn't have found it attractive.

He thinks they'll die in 2-5 years anyway and he'd try to find an "unvaccinated blood" donation. Which I think is pretty despicable but here we are.

*he suggested that that could have been be the cause of my miscarriage

now I have no idea what's happening with the money he "invested."

Anytime I question him he makes me out to be the crazy one.*

I'm so sorry you are noticing all this now at once.

IMO, it's fair enough to have different opinions. And I think carefully when DH expresses a different opinion to mine, as the Quakers say, I consider carefully whether I might be wrong.

For me, when his opinions impact on your choices, such as making it difficult for you to be vaccinated or being so cruel when you lost your baby.

He is not being open about the true reduction in the the value of his investment in bitcoin because it has dropped a lot.

More importantly he is cruel and he is gaslighting you.

Think very, very carefully before continuing to allow this man a place in your life.

If I knew you in RL and had the slightest inkling about this, I'd be worried sick about you. You sound worn down. PP suggested the Freedom Programme. I second that.

I was cynical anyway and then I got to the 'BUT WEAPONS' bit.

This man is a Grade A raving hatstand at this point and nothing you can do or say can make it better.

It's up to you whether you stay with him or not, but for the love of god, don't have children with him (and if you've got joint savings, I'd investigate them IMMEDIATELY because odds on are he's made a crashing loss. Crypto is an MLM with bells on).

LTB.

Oh, and if you're in the UK, check out the BUT WEAPONS bit, too: if he's got unlicensed firearms in your house, then you're potentially in an absolute whole host of trouble (especially if the cops take a look at his browser history).

I do understand about your guilt and thinking he is in the throes of a mental illness. It does seem sort of like a mental illness insofar as a person can become gripped by irrational beliefs and start to become secretive and develop weird obsessional behaviours. But, then I think of my SIL and she is not mentally unwell at all. She gladly thinks these things. She thinks she is superior and that we are the stupid ones for allowing ourselves to be brainwashed by mainstream media. It’s difficult because there is no room for reasoned debate. It’s like trying to argue with Donald Trump. But that man isn’t mentally ill. Nor is my SIL. And nor is your DH. It’s a set of beliefs. Not a mental illness. But they are dangerous beliefs. And if and when you have a child you will be faced with some impossible decisions. Maybe even life or death decisions. And he has already talked you out of having a vaccine. Already blamed you for your miscarriage. This isn’t going to get better and he does not want to be “fixed”.

I slightly tried to tell my aunt (who is a mum to me) about this a few weeks ago. She could see I was down and she was really worried about me. But, she just didn't get it. And I don't want to put anything on her.

I told her about the prepping and she told me to tell DH to give it to the food bank. He wouldn't entertain the idea but I told her he did. So now I feel rubbish because I've lied to her. He did initially say he'd consider it but then he just added to his collection.

My god, writing this out has actually been quite therapeutic and it's shining a light on what I should already know.

How is he going to know the blood is from a vaccinated donor.

I would have thought most donated blood is vaccinated

How desperately sad.
Id get out now. Imagine having to share custody with a man like this. He’ll gas’s light you (and the courts) all day.

OP he's your next of kin, if you were giving birth, became unconscious and lost too much blood his decisions might kill you and the baby. Xxx

A blood transfusion isn't a rare occurance for birthing mothers. X

I really think you need to either leave or have some very serious therapy to deprogramme his brain washing. But if you're in you mid 30s and want children I think you have to make some very serious decisions soon and you can't afford to indulge his paranoid delusions with time. I'm so sorry about your position OP.

I hope you will be safe, his behaviour is both disturbing and worrying.

I'm glad that the typing it out is therapeutic. I can imagine that whilst you are in the middle of it it is difficult to face what is going on. But now he has you in a situation where you are lying to your family members, which is definitely not a great setup for a loving marriage.

Keep typing here if it helps and try to get some space from him IRL.

Are you still allowed to have real life friends? The sort you could discuss you miscarriage with, or disagreements with your DH.

Does he have real life friends? Or is he really popular but no real friends.

Is it possible for you to go and stay somewhere for a couple of nights, preferably with a friend your age? Looking at the situation from a few paces away might help bring clarity. Take a grab bag.

Thank you for all the posts. I have read them all. Sometimes when I think about splitting up I feel relief for myself but also sorry for him.. as in what if he never finds someone else? What if I've wasted his time? What if he never has children?

I hate the thought of him being alone.

What if he wasted yours? You have one life, OP. Start thinking a bit more about you.

He has friends. I don't really have any friends anymore. I'm not sure why, just life I guess.

I know how that sounds but it's not his fault. I'm a homebody.

what if he never finds someone else

Oh, I'm so sorry that your reaction is to put his needs so far above your own.

Remember the instructions on an aeroplane: see to your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else.

What if he never has children?

I'd say that was a win for the human race, to be honest.

Have you watched ‘Died Suddenly’ that might make you question the covid vaccine and understand why it might well be different to other vaccines that we trust as safe… I’m not anti vax-had the covid vaccine myself but strange things are happening and the death rate is up, birth rate down….watch it and see what you think

Don’t watch this it’s absolutely BS!

They used the death of a women who had advanced cancer to push their anti - vaxx message, as well as pretending people who became seriously ill even though they hadn’t had the vaccine yet and claimed people had died when they hadn’t.

But it is was shot like a documentary so many people watching it took it as the truth.

It says more on the link below if you are interested or have watched it.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-63719246.amp

OP I would immediately stop TTC and let him know why.

I would then give him another certain amount of time and then re-evaluate.

If he’s getting better then you can stay.
If he’s getting worse then you can leave.

I think being open about wanting to stop TTC and thinking about leaving might help him come back into reality.

That got me. I put myself at the bottom of the pile. I shouldn't do that, I know.
I'm just not sure how to stop.