DH is saying it's my fault our baby is sick in hospital

[aquarius100]

My 4 month old had a cold last week which has developed into bronchilitis. She has it quite badly and has been struggling to breathe, not feeding and non stop coughing. For these reasons she's been admitted into hospital. It's all been very stressful.

DD and I attend 2 baby sensory classes a week and on the days we're not at classes, I like to get out and about and take her for walks or go shopping, so we're not just sitting in the house all day. DH has used this against me and is saying that I need to stop all these classes and "stop carrying her around everywhere like a handbag" and is saying that this is the reason she has become ill. I have been really emotional over the fact she's in hospital and him guilt tripping me is just sending me over the edge. Have I been taking the baby out too much? I thought it is normal for babies to get coughs and colds and it builds up their immune system.

He’s horrible! My 20 month old has not long spent the day in hospital with a bad wheeze from bronchiolitus. She also had it when she was nine months old, but not as bad. Both times I’ve been told by the doctors that it’s extremely common in babies and toddlers, and easy for a cold to develop into wheezing and struggling to breathe because of their narrow airways. There were around four other babies/ toddlers being treated for the same thing whilst we were in the hospital.

you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You didn’t take her out when she was already ill and you can’t keep her in forever. It’s not good for either of you. My DD is 20 months old and just had it again, so how much of her life are you supposed to not take her anywhere?

Absolute nonsense and he's a prick for lashing out at you when you are BOTH worried and anxious. Taking babies out in the cold does not make them sick. Keeping them close to you is good. Getting out of the house daily is good for you both. Yes coughs and colds are inevitable (and good, in the end) and also, broncholitis is incredibly common no matter what you do.

Poor you, must be a worrying time...he is lashing out but it's vicious/unfair/unreasonable of him to say it's your fault.

Tell him to grow up and stop blaming you. He needs to pull together rather than seek blame.

What will he do when she's a toddler falling over, will you also be blamed?

Is he often this much of a dick? It's not your fault at all, and he's talking complete shit.

But even if he had a point - which he absolutely doesn't - only a complete arsehole would choose right now to make it.

Absolutely

but it would be a cold day in hell before I’d ever pay the slightest attention to anyone who posts anything saying “would of”

@aquarius100 you have done nothing wrong

i get that it’s stressful for us when our little ones get sick, but it’s so common for babies to get bronchiolitis, and I hope your LO gets better soon

your h needs the riot act reading to him. Kids are going to get sick, there is no point in turning on each other

This with bells on

Assuming she was appropriately dressed for the weather then of course it’s not your fault. That’s such a horrible thing for your DH to say/think. At the very best he is upset/worried etc and lashing out at you which in itself is not nice.

if it was me I’d speak to him and if he stands by what he’s saying I’d be having serious concerns about the longevity of my relationship

What a dick

This.

I hope your daughter gets well soon, then start reassessing things.

It is not your fault.

Your husband sounds awful - is he usually like this?

OP it is not your fault your DH is an idiot. My dc2 ended up in hospital with RSV at just a few weeks old. He had barely been out of the house as he wasn't long he from scbu and didn't sleep well. Outdoor time and activities with babies and toddlers are actually very important long term for development and good for parents. DC1 did not attend many baby or toddler groups and was kept very much with immediate family as I had to work and couldn't afford childcare. If I could go back and change this I would as I know realise how important baby and toddler groups can be. My other 2 DC did baby sensory classes, lots of toddler groups and went to a childminder and both struggled much less in nursery and early years school than dc1. It could be a coincidence but I don't think so. DC1 also got every bug going at the start of nursery that he would have got earlier

What! I always take my lot out daily. We would all go mad staying in.

Your husband is a dick

My son was such a restless baby, a bad sleeper who cried a lot, getting out of the house kept me sane. I also think it's good for them to get fresh air and be in different environments. You sound like a wonderful mum, of course you are worrried and stressed, having a little one who has had to go to hospital must be really difficult. How distressing to have a partner who is blaming you rather than supporting you so you can all get through this together. I hope your little one is on the mend as soon as possible

Let me guess? He's made noises about you not doing enough housework and cooking? Moaning about taking the baby out when he thinks you should be doing everything around the house so the entitled prick doesn't have to lift a finger?

And now he's found the perfect way to guilt you into doing it. He's an abusive nasty twat. Don't keep silent, tell everyone what he's accused you of, doctors, nurses, family. Watch their reactions and shame the fucker. How dare he!

Let us hope that his comments reflect his anxiety about his much-loved baby. They are very hurtful and he needs to apologise. We often hit out when we are anxious or agitated. Do not let this fester and destroy your relationship - you are both new parents and anxiety is part of the package.

I hope for both your sakes that baby is better soon. Bronchiolitis is very common and babies get over it quite quickly

Sounds like you are a fantastic mother and absolutely have your child's best interests at heart. Sometimes these things cannot be avoided your little one is poorly and his focus should be on them getting better not placing blame. He's going to have a shock once nursery starts with chicken pox cold coughs covid ect

I’m at home with my 6 month dd at the moment who was premature. We have older children so a lot of coughs and colds enter our house. We did a week in picu on a ventilator recently with bronchiolitis and it was terrifying. I asked the doctor whether I should just stay at home and not let the older children hold dd etc and he said ‘absolutely not, you should be enjoying your baby!’ And told me they will get these things. Your husband is a tool. Really hope your baby is better soon.

You’re completely correct!
Your DH is perhaps feeling helpless and a lot of men want to be the fixer of problems. When something isn’t as black & white as they want it to be, they can’t fix it as easily and so that’s when they can start to blame others.

That’s not me excusing his behaviour but explaining why he might be saying those mean and totally unacceptable things to you.

Your DD is 4 months old - she SHOULD be building up her immune system!
Babies can easily get stuffy and blocked up and colds and coughs can turn nasty. She’s in the best place being looked after and getting the meds she needs to make a good recovery.

I hope your DD makes a speedy recovery and I hope your DH apologies to you once he’s realised how unreasonable he’s being.

It's also absolute nonsense that the cold air worsens an actual cold!! Old wives tale! Colds and bronchiolitis are caused by viruses.

What a fucking BASTARD

This.

I took mine out and about at young ages - with multiple children the younger children you do tend to have less choice about that anyway as life goes on- but even with pfb I was better seeing people.

Only people who moaned at me were relatives - older- who had their own agendas - they wanted me in house so they could pop by when or given they were some distance from us phone and I'd drop everything and talk - wasn't really about what was best for us. Plus even if you do stop in people with colds will still visit.

I'd be wondering why he's saying this TBH.

Jesus OP what an abusive prick he is.

This is not your fault!!! Your husband is just being plain nasty!

Is he usually like this or is it out of character?

DS had bronchiolitis really badly at 8 months. We both blamed ourselves because we were out at a Christmas event the week before. We didn’t blame each other to be fair, but when you see your little one so unwell, you do feel heightened stress and can lash out.

He’s being an arse, and it’s really not your fault.

Yeah, this.

My daughter also developed bronchiolitis as a very young baby (it was in the winter too).

It took me a while to realise how ill she was because she'd just had her 8-week vaccinations and I thought it was a reaction to that.

I then got stuck waiting for hours in the walk in centre because I was a first time mum and didn't realise I needed to advocate for her.

By the time the doctor saw her she was really struggling to breathe and she was admitted to hospital (twice) with bronchiolitis and needed oxygen.

It was absolutely terrifying. But her dad and I were there for each other, we supported each other through a very traumatic experience.

Your partner is a complete dick.

My daughter made a full recovery (she's nearly a teenager now!) I hope your baby also gets well very soon.

Ugh what an arsehole. Is he usually like this or could it be coming from a place of stress/worry? Either way I'd be raging at the way he has expressed it.

I know how rubbish bronchiolitis is, we had multiple hospital admissions with our oldest between 8 months and about 2.5 years. Virtually every cold resulted in 2 or 3 night admissions and we did stress out about whether we should never take him anywhere (ridiculous) - but neither of us was blaming the other person! Just frustration at the situation I guess. I think babies are either susceptible to bronchiolitis or not unfortunately.

Hope your little one is better soon!