DH is saying it's my fault our baby is sick in hospital

[aquarius100]

My 4 month old had a cold last week which has developed into bronchilitis. She has it quite badly and has been struggling to breathe, not feeding and non stop coughing. For these reasons she's been admitted into hospital. It's all been very stressful.

DD and I attend 2 baby sensory classes a week and on the days we're not at classes, I like to get out and about and take her for walks or go shopping, so we're not just sitting in the house all day. DH has used this against me and is saying that I need to stop all these classes and "stop carrying her around everywhere like a handbag" and is saying that this is the reason she has become ill. I have been really emotional over the fact she's in hospital and him guilt tripping me is just sending me over the edge. Have I been taking the baby out too much? I thought it is normal for babies to get coughs and colds and it builds up their immune system.

So sorry - had missed this post. I am sure someone else has suggested this already, but please read the Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That?
Clearly your husband is abusive. Use your mat leave to make a plan, in my experience it is much easier to do this when you have a tiny baby, rather than a toddler or older child.
So sorry you’re going through this, but please accept the reality of your situation and don’t make you and your DD’s well-being conditional on your husband turning into someone he is not.

A grade A fucking idiot, this brought back to mind when my wife's ex mil blamed her for her little boy dying of hole in the heart complications. Cruel and ignorant beyond belief.

Not your fault at all he is being awful.sure the baby could pick anything up at any check ups not just classes so what does he expect you to do because it’s ridiculous to expect you to stay in!

This type of guy just doesn't like the competition for attention.

By the way my abusive ex would have done this
10000% x

I agree with this comment.

OP sorry your baby is unwell. I think there are two issues here - the first is how much to take out a young baby, a question on which ppl may reasonably disagree (though I'm with the 'fresh air hooray' faction).

The other question is how to talk to a distraught partner and mother whose child is in hospital. On this count your husband has totally failed. 'It's your fault' is just not the way to go about it, even if you had, say, forgotten baby's hat.

So yes he sounds like a right shit.

What a really horrible abusive man. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, everyone takes babies out these days. What are you meant to do, stay in the house until the baby is five years old or something?! I hope your baby gets better soon.

what a nasty man he is. Totally not your fault. Fresh air and getting out is good for babies. And for mums!! Would he rather you stay in the house 6 months of the year and not go anywhere.
I would seriously confront this. Speak to the nurse or doctor and say what he’s said infront of them. Ask for their input and tell them he’s blaming you. Horrid bastard he is. I’m really sorry he’s made you feel like this. Hope your little one is better soon xxx

It's called stimulation and going out is essential for baby to develop. How does he think other mothers (and fathers who care for their children) manage without going out aka taking older kids to school, going to shops, meeting families, etc etc . and mothers not cracking up because of isolation or depression.

I would be worried about mentioning it to a doctor or nurse in front of him because as soon as they're gone he would probably just shout at me for embarrassing him.

And this worry is another sign he's abusive. I could say anything to the MW or doctor and they'd tell him the facts and he'd say, "oh well, I'm a spanner".

Your DH yells when he's wrong and you're right.

What's the plan OP?

He’s a nasty prick.

And those saying they wouldn’t take a baby or in the cold - some people live in very cold countries. Do you think they stay in every day?

Your latest post paints a picture of an abusive relationship.

You need to start thinking about how you can get out of this marriage.

Anecdotally, those classes to lead to babies being sick, so I get his frustration.

Could've worded better perhaps.

Also I notice you said you've posted about your husband several times before, the women on here will only give you advice that will result in you being bitter and lonely. So careful, not every issue is a big deal.

Anecdotally you are talking shit.

OP, please seek some reassurance from a health professional.

@BabyOnBoard90 are you the husband?

And what a dick this man is.

My DM had 7 kids. When we were infants she put us outside to nap every day, year round (apart from foggy days!). She said the fresh air made us sleep better. We all survived and thrived.

On the matter of taking babies outside in the cold, surely its more the opportunity to catch bugs from other people, which is more likely to happen indoors. Nobody let's randomers that near their 4 month old. If the husband works outside the house, especially with a large group of others, its probably more likely that he carried the initial infection home, unsymtomatic.

That's the kind of chat I would be having with dad if I was working on this pediatric ward.

My friend's husband was like this after they had their son. Shouted at her whenever their son was ill or had hurt himself playing, always blamed her. He just couldn't handle it when the little one was poorly and took it out on my friend.

She divorced him. Much happier now.

Your 4 month old is going to see a warped idea of how relationship s should be growing up around a mum to scared to speak and a dad who shouts and tantrums to get his own way. Is this the pattern you want for your child?

Wow. Can't have the women realising that their partners are abusive dicks and that they have options can we? 😡

Also you don't stop doing useful and fulfilling things just because there are cold viruses out there. Do you not go out and interact with others because you might get a cold?

What, so mothers of young babies are supposed to just isolate themselves (to the detriment of their own mental health, and their child's social and emotional wellbeing) just on the merest offchance their baby catches a cold that then turns into something more serious?

Also I think you'll find most women who leave abusive and controlling partners end up much happier than they were before.