DH is saying it's my fault our baby is sick in hospital

[aquarius100]

My 4 month old had a cold last week which has developed into bronchilitis. She has it quite badly and has been struggling to breathe, not feeding and non stop coughing. For these reasons she's been admitted into hospital. It's all been very stressful.

DD and I attend 2 baby sensory classes a week and on the days we're not at classes, I like to get out and about and take her for walks or go shopping, so we're not just sitting in the house all day. DH has used this against me and is saying that I need to stop all these classes and "stop carrying her around everywhere like a handbag" and is saying that this is the reason she has become ill. I have been really emotional over the fact she's in hospital and him guilt tripping me is just sending me over the edge. Have I been taking the baby out too much? I thought it is normal for babies to get coughs and colds and it builds up their immune system.

I think this is a really good idea. "DH told me it's my fault for taking her to baby classes, I'm feeling terrible. What do you think?"

Of course it's not your fault. Kids catch respiratory viruses all the time. That doesn't mean that you should stay home and do nothing.

Your oh is a cunt. You were doing nice, normal things with her. I bet he’s a cunt in other ways too

Did you take the baby out everywhere while she was sick? If you did then I can see his point, if you didn't then first poster nailed it.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this very stressful and upsetting time, I hope your little one makes a quick recovery🙏💗

He's attacking you because he's angry that he's been inconvenienced. He's a disgusting selfish shallow person, when this is over I would be monitoring him and deciding if I want to be with him long term, if the answer is no start making a plan obviously don't let him know.

He’s being a dick.
All kids get coughs and colds, all the time.
Some are more prone to infections than others. DS gets croup all the time and has since he was small, it’s nobody’s fault, it just happens. He also had bronchiolitis as well last summer (not even in winter). Paediatricians always always always tell us it’s normal.

Just wait until she goes to nursery, it’s a shit show. What’s he going to do, keep her inside forever?

Be careful OP.
He's telling you he doesn't like you going out with your baby.
He's telling you he doesn't want you to mix with people outwith his control.
He's telling you who he is.

Your husband is a nasty little shit. Tell your mum or a friend what he's said and watch the rage come over their face.

If you didn’t take babies or toddlers out every time they had a cough or cold, you’d not leave the house for most of winter.
The OP hasn’t said she took the baby out while she had a cold, but even if she had, that absolutely would not be the reason her illness worsened and she needed a hospital admission.

OP, I’m a paediatric nurse, I can assure you that none of this is your fault. Your husband is either a very spiteful man, or extremely anxious and needs help for that.

This exactly something my hence would have said hence the word ex. He turned out to be a very mentally abusive man. Do not sweep under the carpet.

That's bull. Absolute bull. There is no reason to need to sit at home with a healthy 4 month old; trying to isolate them is less good for them than any amount of mixing could be. Countless newborns come home into a family where there are older DC who are bringing bugs home from school and nursery and that's normal and fine. It just sometimes happens that a common or garden cold or virus becomes worse for a baby. In which case they get treated, as OP's baby is being. But to try and keep babies in a hermetic bubble would do far more damage than for them to encounter everyday bugs by mixing with the world.

He is likely lashing out because he is panicked and you are the closest person. That doesn’t excuse his behavior. When your child recovers, the two of you need to address the issue.

That said, I don’t know what the situation is like in your area. I’m in a different country. We are having a “triple-Demic”. Covid, flu, and Rsv are raging thru children and overwhelming our hospitals. My DD’s school which has 12-14 year olds, a group deemed less vulnerable, had 19% of students out at last report. They have asked us not to send students in with any sign of illness whatsoever, not even a sniffle, to try to stop the spread. If I had a 4 month old in my city, we wouldn’t be leaving the house for anything non-essential.

I'm so confused by the handbag comment. What are you supposed to do your DD? Stick her in the boot and go about your day?

Your husband is either a very spiteful man, or extremely anxious and needs help for that.

Both of these things can be true.

Obviously he is right and your dc should be home from September to May every year.
Is he usually such a cunt?

It is not your fault, good grief what a stupid uneducated thing for him to say

I second talking to the Dr or nurse but do it first when he’s not there - just in case you get one who thinks you should stay in. I had two midwives who totally disagreed on when it was fine to first take baby out.
The more you mix with other kids the more viruses will come your way - but that’s normal life. The alternative - staying at home all the time - is not good for either of you. There is nothing at all wrong with taking a healthy baby well wrapped up out for a walk - mine were out with me every single day in maternity leave, in snow and rain.
The fact your husband has said this reflects very badly on him. Once you’ve found your anger with him you need to give him both barrels back. I would have hit the roof if mine had said this.

You’re absolutely right there actually. I take back the either/or.

Your DH is a cunt. Tell us more about him please because I would be flabbergasted if this was his only twattery.

I dont mean a cough or cold, I mean this part:

She has it quite badly and has been struggling to breathe, not feeding and non stop coughing

Which I am assuming the baby was not taken out whilst like this, therefore her husband is obviously a dickhead.

What a complete arsehole. OP you have done nothing wrong and this isn't your fault.

This. Fuck him. You are doing all the right things. Like a handbag ffs, what a total shit.

Used to get put out into the garden in my big pram, properly swathed in all weather. But then that was the 60's.

Your husband is an arsehole. I'd be surprised if this is the first time he's tried to discourage you from having a life outside the house which doesn't include him.

There is always a risk of one of you catching a virus whenever you leave the house, it's life. You are both worried but he has decided to make you feel bad rather than foster a mutually supportive relationship at a really anxious time. That would make me worry about my future with this man, he could only redeem himself with a really heartfelt apology.

I think you need to reject the blame very firmly, "fuck off" would be my preferred approach; reasonable conversations are only possible with reasonable people and he is not being reasonable so don't waste your time being patient with his nonsense.

I hope your baby is better and back at baby sensory classes soon.

Your husband is a twat.

Big hug for you. Hope baby is soon home.

And the winner is 👆👆