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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is saying it's my fault our baby is sick in hospital

314 replies

aquarius100 · 30/11/2022 12:59

My 4 month old had a cold last week which has developed into bronchilitis. She has it quite badly and has been struggling to breathe, not feeding and non stop coughing. For these reasons she's been admitted into hospital. It's all been very stressful.

DD and I attend 2 baby sensory classes a week and on the days we're not at classes, I like to get out and about and take her for walks or go shopping, so we're not just sitting in the house all day. DH has used this against me and is saying that I need to stop all these classes and "stop carrying her around everywhere like a handbag" and is saying that this is the reason she has become ill. I have been really emotional over the fact she's in hospital and him guilt tripping me is just sending me over the edge. Have I been taking the baby out too much? I thought it is normal for babies to get coughs and colds and it builds up their immune system.

OP posts:
Skinnermarink · 30/11/2022 13:00

What a fucking BASTARD.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 30/11/2022 13:00

I would of kept her in the warmth when the cold started and waited to take her out till she was better personally. But it's not your fault no.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/11/2022 13:02

He’s an absolute bastard Op.

I can imagine my exh pulling something like this to get out of doing any caring for a sick child, and to protect his ability to carry on as normal. “Oh it’s your fault she’s sick for (made up reason), so I can’t be asked to do anything”.

wigglycactus · 30/11/2022 13:02

First post has nailed it.

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 30/11/2022 13:02

He is horrible!!!! What’s the alternative, stay indoors like a recluse and get depressed and she doesn’t get to experience the world????

Ds was an October baby, we were out for walks at 6am some mornings in winter!!! As long as she is wrapped up well then it’s absolutely fine!

you sound like a wonderful mum, I would seriously have strong words with him for this!

weebarra · 30/11/2022 13:02

Admittedly she's not a handbag, but in all other ways a baby needs to be out and about while you do the things you need to do. I'd have gone mad sitting in the house for an extended period of time with any of my 3 when they were babies. He's a twat, it's not your fault and I hope she is better soon.

prescribingmum · 30/11/2022 13:02

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 30/11/2022 13:00

I would of kept her in the warmth when the cold started and waited to take her out till she was better personally. But it's not your fault no.

What a horrible post. Where exactly did she say that she took her baby out when unwell?

Your H is being utterly unreasonable and nasty about this.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/11/2022 13:02

It is normal for babies to get coughs and colds to build immune system, and good to get out and about if you want to (although no obligation if you don’t)

cupofdecaf · 30/11/2022 13:02

Not your fault at all and you're doing a good thing for both of you by taking her out.

He needs to apologise and get a grip.

Is he like this often of us it the stress?

DarceyG · 30/11/2022 13:03

I was shoved in a pram in the garden as a baby in all weathers. He is a bastard get shot of him. It's not your fault, pre covid people would not be spouting this rubbish. He needs a slap.

AnotherEmma · 30/11/2022 13:03

Is he this much of a twat about other things?
Is this going to be yet another thread in which the issue turns out to be just the tip of the iceberg?

""stop carrying her around everywhere like a handbag"

I mean... where do you even start with that?!

MolliciousIntent · 30/11/2022 13:03

I see both sides here. The argument that exposure to bugs and viruses is good for the immune system is generally applicable to older babies. Babies this young are very vulnerable and its usually sensible to take more caution until they're older. Similarly, id have kept an unwell baby at home rather than out and about, especially in cold weather.

However, your husband's behaviour is abhorrent, and I would find it hard to forgive.

overthinkersanonnymus · 30/11/2022 13:04

Skinnermarink · 30/11/2022 13:00

What a fucking BASTARD.

💯

Nursemumma92 · 30/11/2022 13:04

He sounds vile to be honest. Toddlers can also get bronchiolitis, does he expect you to never go out? Of course it's awful to see your baby so poorly and maybe he is just unable to express his upset in any other way but to take it out on you is unacceptable. It's good for baby to get out and for your mental health as a new mum to go to groups and classes. What does he think happens when people have a second or subsequent baby and there are children at nursery or school in the household? They get coughs and colds along with the others and it's unavoidable. I really hope she gets better soon, poor little one. You haven't done anything wrong though and he really shouldn't be talking to you like that xx

MotherWol · 30/11/2022 13:04

It's normal for babies and children to get respiratory viruses in winter, it's not your fault and it's not due to you taking her out and about. His response is very unreasonable, and uncaring. He should be supporting you and your daughter, not looking about for someone to blame.

DuchessDandelion · 30/11/2022 13:05

Definitely NOT your fault.Flowers

Needaholidaypronto · 30/11/2022 13:05

Your husband is an arsehole. Oh and you are correct to get your baby outdoors as much as poss, as is most of Scandinavia in the winter….

The babies who nap in sub-zero temperatures www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21537988

PineappleBrazilNutsandMaccasFries · 30/11/2022 13:05

What a fucking idiot. Him, not you. I hope DD is better soon.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 30/11/2022 13:05

Next time a nurse/doctor comes to check an you're both present. Say I feel awful as it's my fault for taking her out.
See what the nurse says.
He's an arse.
Nurse will put you right.

Skinnermarink · 30/11/2022 13:05

Im not sure I could get over that. I took DS here there and everywhere at that age, we had a blast, no he wasn’t my fucking handbag, he was my baby and I was enjoying everything I did with him.

ICanHideButICantRun · 30/11/2022 13:05

I would speak to a doctor or nurse about what he's said - with him there. He sounds really horrible. Is this unusual behaviour from him?

YellowTreeHouse · 30/11/2022 13:07

He is being a complete dick. It is good for both baby and you to get out and about and go to baby classes etc.

It does build up their immune system and it’s how they stay healthy when they’re older.

FireworkFluster · 30/11/2022 13:08

MolliciousIntent · 30/11/2022 13:03

I see both sides here. The argument that exposure to bugs and viruses is good for the immune system is generally applicable to older babies. Babies this young are very vulnerable and its usually sensible to take more caution until they're older. Similarly, id have kept an unwell baby at home rather than out and about, especially in cold weather.

However, your husband's behaviour is abhorrent, and I would find it hard to forgive.

Where does Op say she took the baby out when unwell?

As476 · 30/11/2022 13:08

Ignore him. What a bastard. Babies get sniffles. Sometimes they develop into something worse and sometimes they don’t. Don’t blame yourself. If you were working and had to put her in a nursery where DD got sick, would that also be your fault? No!

I’d go mental honestly. I hope DD gets better soon x

theruffles · 30/11/2022 13:08

It's not your fault. Colds in babies can turn into bronchiolitis quickly in some cases. My DS had to be admitted to the hospital twice with it last year after first just having a cold.

Your DH may be upset and worried but that's no excuse for blaming you. Once you're home, I'd have a word about how unreasonable he's been. I hope your DC is feeling better and home soon.