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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for no photos/videos to be taken at school performance?

283 replies

Christmasbahhumbug · 30/11/2022 10:42

DD can’t be in photos/videos online. There are genuine reasons for this. School are very good and I think would put a ban in place if I (or any other parent) asked.

In previous years I have kept her home on special nursery/school days where photos/videos might be taken.

Over the summer, DD really wanted to join in and school allowed photos/videos and asked parents to keep them off SM but unsurprisingly this was ignored.

I get it, I really do. I would love a picture/video of DD having fun/performing with all of her friends but we just can’t.

Do I deny other parents/grandparents/children that pleasure by asking for no photos/videos or yet again have DD miss out completely?

OP posts:
GerbilsForever24 · 30/11/2022 10:45

Our school is very strict on the "no photos can be shared" thing and I know that in the past if someone has posted on social media they've been reported and the school has contacted them. Our head teacher also tends to rather belabour the child protecting point, but I think it's probably useful.

If parents won't adhere to the rules then I'd say go ahead and ask for no photos to be allowed.

olivehater · 30/11/2022 10:45

Eek that’s a difficult one. I would request the school take a video that can be shared in a closed group and ask that individual photos are take of them dressed up before or after the performance.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/11/2022 10:47

I don't see the harm in asking. However, my DN's school sent a photography permission slip for the upcoming nativity. If permission was denied, that child wouldn't be in the nativity rather than banning photography. It's a massive school though, they can only have one spectator per child so the videos are quite popular... and make a lot of money.

RoseGoldEagle · 30/11/2022 10:48

My school just have a blanket policy already on this, and no one is allowed to take photos or videos at schools performances, assemblies etc. They sometimes films an event themselves or take photos and send these to parents, but there are then always some children’s faces who are blacked out when you get them. I’d much rather all of DD’s school mates could participate in something even if I missed out on a photo, than think some children have to miss out.

Skiphopbump · 30/11/2022 10:49

When my children were in primary school they banned videoing and photographing during performances- it was so much more enjoyable! We were allowed to take photos of our own children in the hall afterwards.

TeenDivided · 30/11/2022 10:53

I was in a similar position (adopted DC), but the other parents were more responsible.

Your child shouldn't have to miss out on basic childhood things like nativities because other parents overshare on social media.

Given the parents have proved to be unreliable previously, I think it would be fine to ask the school to have a filming / photo ban. It's probably better for the children too.

GimmeBiscuits · 30/11/2022 10:57

DCs old school had a blanket policy on this as there were children in the school who, for various reasons, could not be photographed (put on social media). HT always explained this was child protection.
Individual and group photographs were taken with the relevant children omitted (although whether the RP/carer had photos I don't know).
I know from speaking with one person that the reason their DC (and they) are not on SM is because ex is violent, has a restraining order, and they had moved/changed names for personal safety.

Itisbetter · 30/11/2022 10:57

Get them to ban it but produce their own to raise cash for the school, or have a “rehearsal” where parents can take photos but your dc doesn’t do that. Schools tend to really get this issue.

containsnuts · 30/11/2022 10:58

DDs schools have always had a form to fill out at enrollment re. photographs. We are asked whether we agree for photos for internal use such as displays or notice boards etc, and whether we consent to photos being shared online. I give consent to the former but not the latter.

Maybe you could suggest something similar for your school?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 30/11/2022 10:58

Our school has a ban however parents still record it or photo it and share it. I'm not sure how you'd stop them

Discoh · 30/11/2022 10:59

containsnuts · 30/11/2022 10:58

DDs schools have always had a form to fill out at enrollment re. photographs. We are asked whether we agree for photos for internal use such as displays or notice boards etc, and whether we consent to photos being shared online. I give consent to the former but not the latter.

Maybe you could suggest something similar for your school?

I expect all schools already do that. This is about the photos parents take, not the school.

Squeezedsquash · 30/11/2022 11:00

Our school has always been a “record but do not share and if you do there will be no recordings in the future”.

even the most share happy Facebook friends I have from the school have only ever put a photo from a session like that with other children clearly not identifiable (I couldn’t work out who they were, and I know most of the class).

so I think: discuss with the school and ask them how to make it happen.

Eixample · 30/11/2022 11:01

You would be completely reasonable, but if you can’t trust that the ban would be respected, could your child have a role where the hair and/or face is covered, to ease your worries?

Sunshineandflipflops · 30/11/2022 11:02

Skiphopbump · 30/11/2022 10:49

When my children were in primary school they banned videoing and photographing during performances- it was so much more enjoyable! We were allowed to take photos of our own children in the hall afterwards.

Same when my dc were at primary. No photos until the end when you could take one of just your child if you wanted to. There will usually be kids in care amongst other reasons in schools who can't be in photos for safeguarding reasons so better to be safe.

Oysterbabe · 30/11/2022 11:04

I think ask the school to really emphasise that pictures and recordings must not be shared online and they will be no cameras in future if this rule is broken. Anyone who posts a picture of someone else's child on SM without explicit permission is a massive douchbag.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/11/2022 11:05

YANBU. Some good suggestions on how the school should handle things.

PauliString · 30/11/2022 11:05

Eixample · 30/11/2022 11:01

You would be completely reasonable, but if you can’t trust that the ban would be respected, could your child have a role where the hair and/or face is covered, to ease your worries?

At our primary, one family were the 'back end of the donkey' (or cow) so often that I finally twigged that it was because they were an adopted sibling set. There are probably better ways, though.

Oooooooooooooh · 30/11/2022 11:06

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. There will be ample opportunities to take photos of your child in their costume . Your child should not miss out on the fun stuff
I don't think it's an overreaction either, we had one parent try to scale a wall when they found out their child was at our school. Very frightening

containsnuts · 30/11/2022 11:07

Discoh · 30/11/2022 10:59

I expect all schools already do that. This is about the photos parents take, not the school.

Show quote history

Oh, I see.

I would speak to the head and request a no photography rule for parents but siggest that school could take photos themselves, that way they have control over what they share and can blank out the faces where there's no consent. Not reasonable to request no photos all imo (and I don't like my DCs being photographed btw)

Eixample · 30/11/2022 11:08

PauliString · 30/11/2022 11:05

At our primary, one family were the 'back end of the donkey' (or cow) so often that I finally twigged that it was because they were an adopted sibling set. There are probably better ways, though.

Show quote history

There are certainly better ways but they depend on the other parents being decent in a situation where they have previously shown that they can’t be, unfortunately

PuttingDownRoots · 30/11/2022 11:08

DDs school provided printed photographs of your child only.

chikp · 30/11/2022 11:10

It's shit that people insist on putting photos on line with other kids in them.

SinnerBoy · 30/11/2022 11:10

Squeezedsquash
Our school has always been a “record but do not share and if you do there will be no recordings in the future”.

That was the case at my daughter's primary school. In her Nursery Year, they sent out a form and 3 parents said they didn't want photos, so there were none.

In Reception Year, they sent out a similar from, saying that if they didn't want photography, their child would not be in the play. They also forbade publishing anything on social media. As far as I'm aware, people complied with that, as there were no letters reminding people that it had happened and to delete.

It's definitely a tricky one, because of the reasons mentioned above and some people just don't want pictures of their kids online. Sad for the kids who couldn't be included.

TotallyFloored · 30/11/2022 11:10

I think this is one of those issues that many people do not often understand if safeguarding issues have never impacted them.

The group as a whole have already demonstrated that they cannot abide by the no online sharing rule. As such, I'd ask for no photos/videos but perhaps explain you appreciate that this is disappointing for some and ask if the school can make it clear why a ban has been put in place (to actively protect some of the children from a real threat of harm, rather than just an overprotective parent not agreeing with the principle - although that is ok too I think people may be more likely to ignore that) and perhaps make arrangements for some kind of alternative like some of those suggested above - individual pics maybe before/after the performance.

I would much rather this, than have any child miss out (especially if they have before). And I would hope most people would agree if the reasons for this were explained.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/11/2022 11:12

I think it should be banned. The parents had their chance and chose to ignore the rules. Your child shouldn't miss out because some parents just can't stay off social media. There are alternatives the school could do (share videos on a secure site or app with one login per household only etc) for parents that miss it