To ask for no photos/videos to be taken at school performance?

[Christmasbahhumbug]

DD can’t be in photos/videos online. There are genuine reasons for this. School are very good and I think would put a ban in place if I (or any other parent) asked.

In previous years I have kept her home on special nursery/school days where photos/videos might be taken.

Over the summer, DD really wanted to join in and school allowed photos/videos and asked parents to keep them off SM but unsurprisingly this was ignored.

I get it, I really do. I would love a picture/video of DD having fun/performing with all of her friends but we just can’t.

Do I deny other parents/grandparents/children that pleasure by asking for no photos/videos or yet again have DD miss out completely?

People (generically) on MN often fall over themselves to show how kind and inclusive they are.

Until it impacts them and their kids.

Then it's 'my right to photo my child' or 'my child can invite who they want to their party' rather than be understanding to the child whose background means there's a safeguarding risk, or who is nice enough but a bit immature compared to their peers (often due to SEN or again a disrupted background).

So accurate.

It’s very telling on here that people are all about how everything should be done to keep children safe and protect them.

Unless of course that means they can’t take photos at their choice.

And heaven forbid schools and social services (you know the ones who should have done something in tragic cases) follow up on comments made by a MN’etters child. Then it’s a waste of everyone’s time and intrusive.

I cannot believe there are grown adults (I assume?!) on this thread saying things like “very upset” and “it’s not fair”. Really?!! A child’s safety could be compromised. Their life could be at risk. My children are fortunate they are safe and protected from harm. I don’t need photos of them as an angel in the actual play at the expense of another child’s safety. I cannot imagine reading a thread like this and still having the audacity and arrogance to say it’s not fair and I’d be upset! OP doesn’t need a guilt trip.

My husband is a teacher so he’s never seen a play. That still isn’t as important as ensuring a child like the OP’s DD is kept safe.

I bet they post on threads where children have been harmed or murdered and say it’s “oh so sad 😭 “ and “people should have done more to protect them”. Sooooo let’s protect them.

A 100% ban on photographing other people's children in school would have my support.

In addition to the reasons the OP has (which is none of our business), there are some who would harm someone's child to get back at them. Think of all the hatred there is towards refugees and asylum seekers for example.

Photos and video were banned at our now adult kids’ schools years ago.
a member of staff videotaped all events excluding particular children as necessary and it was sent out to parents on dvd (shows how long ago that was 😁)

You seem to take exception to me being able to see both sides of this whilst you can only see one. A party is not different in that the same risk is involved. You can’t just dismiss that because it doesn’t fit your narrative

@Happyher A party is different as it is not the same risk.

There is a specific risk attached to school based events as in it attaches the child directly to a specific location and school.

Additionally a party is smaller, so in our case at least, the hosting parents would know not to take pictures of DD, whereas in a school nativity there would be loads of parents who didn't know us.

i can see both sides. It’s just that I think one, the adult insisting that their right is more important is utterly selfish and ridiculous.

A party is entirely different. A party is a private event. A school event is something that is for the children of the school. The “rights” of a parent to take a photo and watch should not trump the rights of a child of that school to safely participate in the event.

A party also doesn’t instantly easily identify to however many people on Facebook where that child spends 190 days a year.

It does if someone posts a picture from the party at a popular venue

Still doesn't say what school they are at.

And a 'popular venue' will draw children from a wide area and a large number of schools.

It's degrees of risks. it's not hard to understand really.

My DD wanted to be a carnival princess. She couldn't due to the photos.
She had to not go to an event with her school a local business was hosting because of photos.
To say she couldn't even be in her own school Christmas production would have been heartbreaking.

No, it doesn’t.

It gives a rough location where the child probably stays in a proximity of.

It doesn’t point out that little Billy spends 190 days a year in the building of GoodMaths Primary School.

And again - parties are private events and for parents to decide on risk. Totally different to excluding a child from a school event to suit the selfishness of adults.

Our primary banned a parent from an event following the one where they broke the 'do not share photos of other children on SM' rule.

It hasn't happened since. Parents take photos of their own child(ren) and crop others out to share.

When DD was in local state school they banned photos/videos during performances but sent everyone a recording of the play which had specific children removed from the performance. I thought it was a great idea, we could share that video with close family members. And vulnerable children were also protected.

Not really. The estranged/ abusive parent (or whoever) wouldn't be able to turn up another day at the party venue and find the child there. If they identify the school they could be waiting at the school gate.

But they could look at other pics by the poster on Facebook etc and find out which area they live and potential schools. You can harvest a lot of info about people online. I used to carry out fraud investigations and it was the first place we looked

The risk is much lower though. There is significant risk to a child who is so vulnerable that certain people cannot know what school they go to. People on here think they know better than social care professionals.

And that can be mitigated by parents by which parties they allow their child to attend, depending on the social media of the party child’s parents.

They can’t mitigate which school their child goes to…

This all just a straw man to deviate away from the ridiculousness of grown adults thinking it’s “fairer” for young children to miss out on school events than them missing out on a free for all photo op

@Tessabelle74 Had you read my reply to some other busybody then you will have noticed that I commented on that as well as being scared that a foreign ex or hubby would take the child abroad and that she would not be able to see her again. Either of these options mean that she should discuss the situation with the head of the school and not include her dd in any public performance. Upsetting but she would have accepted that. So why the question? And, don't bother to reply.

"But they could look at other pics by the poster on Facebook etc and find out which area they live and potential schools. You can harvest a lot of info about people online. I used to carry out fraud investigations and it was the first place we looked"

...maybe, however when the family are in the witness protection scheme or in hiding from a violent ex-then the chances are they won't be posting pictures on Facebook either. These rules aren't in place the the ones who just don't want their children photos posted, it's primarily for the ones who are in actual danger if their whereabouts are discovered.

@Gemcat1 don't tag me if you don't want a reply sweety. Just because a child has potential issues, why SHOULD they miss out on nativities etc? It's so easy to just not take photos then EVERYONE is included. Oh and in case you missed it, it's a PUBLIC forum, where people share opinions, mine is different to yours but that doesn't make me a busybody 🙄

A lot of parents are total morons, so its not unreasonable to ask for a ban. Yes, its a shame to not have a video of your 5 year old picking his nose with a teatowel on his head, but if it also means that a child removed from a dangerous family won't be found and put in danger again... there's no debate, really.

@Gemcat1 well darling, how is the op's child supposed to take part in the play if other parents are allowed to film and take photos? There's isn't an opportunity for her if she can't have her image shared on social media because other parents are cnuts and WILL share despite being told not to. I don't believe you've ever helped anyone in that situation otr you'd have more empathy petal.