To ask for no photos/videos to be taken at school performance?

[Christmasbahhumbug]

DD can’t be in photos/videos online. There are genuine reasons for this. School are very good and I think would put a ban in place if I (or any other parent) asked.

In previous years I have kept her home on special nursery/school days where photos/videos might be taken.

Over the summer, DD really wanted to join in and school allowed photos/videos and asked parents to keep them off SM but unsurprisingly this was ignored.

I get it, I really do. I would love a picture/video of DD having fun/performing with all of her friends but we just can’t.

Do I deny other parents/grandparents/children that pleasure by asking for no photos/videos or yet again have DD miss out completely?

Similar arrangement at the music festival where I volunteer; no filming/photography during the performance, a chance to take a picture afterwards (especially if brandishing a trophy!) having made sure that no child is in the picture without prior permission. We have had at least one instance where the parents of a prizewinner had to ask that her victorious result should not be posted on our website.
In my friend's choir, there are two girls who know without prompting that they should discreetly withdraw from photo-ops; at the moment, your daughter may be too young to understand, but that will come.

Of course you want to keep your child safe so YANBU on that front. But from another point of view, I am desperately hoping to be able to record some of my sons first nativity as DH can’t get out of a work thing so is going to miss it. I would never dream of putting the footage online and I wouldn’t have thought anyone else would do either. We have a lot of military families in our school so I would hope that videoing would be allowed for all the absent parents. So hopefully in my case they’ll allow it with a strict no SM rule. I would try and get your child into a role where their face was covered from now on. It’s not great for the people who can’t make it if they miss that memory entirely

I disagree that it is unrealistic, because our school has. We have a photo ban and people respect it. The school shares appropriate images. We also have a nut free school. There are plenty of examples of schools coming together as a community and the safety of a child is definitely a good reason for it. Any parent who posts anything that has not been approved should be banned from attending all future school events.

YABU

Lots of children aren’t allowed photos and I guarantee your child won’t be the only one.

If someone posts a photo on SM then report it and get it removed.
No one should be having photos of anyone else’s child up without their permission.

I know you've updated to say you'll withdraw her, but honestly I would still speak to the school.

It shouldn't be hard to enforce, if the school are good and come down on people who break the ban. No photos and video during the performance, possibly they could even announce that we have some vulnerable children who are at risk of significant harm if their images are seen on social media. Maybe that would convince some of the real hard of thinking.

I think the school should set aside some time after the performance for parents to take photos of their own children in their costume, which is all you really need as a keepsake anyway. If you tell people in advance they'll have that opportunity, it should minimise the perceived 'need' to record the actual performance.

@CulturePigeon I wholeheartedly agree with you!

🙄

also I would be very upset if I wasn't allowed to take a video myself

Why would you be "very upset"? You don't need to record everything your child does. Of course it's nice to have a video of theirs nativity, but it's not something to get upset about.

The photos/filming of a school performance is not the purpose of it!

I see your point. But a memory is in your head, not on phone/FB/ uploaded to the cloud .

What am I missing? Why would it be dangerous or imperative for any kid not to ever be photographed?

Children who have been removed by SS either into foster care or later adopted or those who have fled from domestic violence.

I often wonder how the children feel coming out acting to a wall of cameras.

My HT always allowed time for photos at the end and parents could grab their child out of the way if they wanted.

Quite. Much better to actually be present in the performance and tale a picture of your little one as a sheep at the start or end

And the parents don't know where they are? Were they moved far away? If not, what's the relevance of a photo, and if yes, how's anyone going to find them just by them perhaps appearing on the periphery of a class photo miles away?

I feel this 'danger' is quite overblown.

I'd they have a rough idea and are desperate then yes they could find out what school they are from

Social services don't just make this stuff up to be awkward

Speak to the school first before withdrawing her @Christmasbahhumbug.The school I work at and the school my DDs attend don’t allow photos or videos to be taken during performances anyway and will ask parents to put phones away. Lots of schools are the same now so speak with them first.

Not all parents can be present though can they. The teachers who are organising your child's Nativity will be missing their own so they rely on others being able to take photographs etc for them

Yes at the start or end. No need for a live action shot

Filming/pictures are banned at the school my son goes to, they tell guardians that the performance will be stopped if they see someone filming. From experience they stick to this as well, in the summer a parent startee filming so they paused the performance until she left the hall.

They do take photos you can buy (very cheaply) so certain children either aren’t in them, or are blurred out.

A friend at our local adoption group has had to move house, primary school and work as a very dangerous birth parent tracked them down. A fellow primary parent posted a photo that included her child, the primary parent was a facebook friend of the birth parents brother. Dangerous birth parent turned up at the school, followed them home and attempted to abduct the child.

You’re obviously fortunate enough to never have been in the situation where a desperate and dangerous person will go to any lengths to track down you and/or your children.

Restrictions are in place in most schools for a reason.

The parents don't know where they are? Were they moved far away? If not, what's the relevance of a photo, and if yes, how's anyone going to find them just by them perhaps appearing on the periphery of a class photo miles away?

I feel this 'danger' is quite overblown

If you have a photo of someone you can easily do a Google face match search. Doesn't matter if you are miles away or on the other side of the earth

I don’t understand why you posted op

as you’ve already trialled this before where other parents took and posted photos regardless of the ban. What makes you think that won’t happen again?

This is very difficult as you know you’re asking parents not to take photos as reminders of special moments for their kids, to keep for themselves and to show family members.

it’s also difficult that your own child has to miss out because of whatever the issue is your family has. So this issue impacts everyone.

I think I’d maybe ask for one or two things a year where there is a blanket ban and everything else they can and she misses.