To ask for no photos/videos to be taken at school performance?

[Christmasbahhumbug]

DD can’t be in photos/videos online. There are genuine reasons for this. School are very good and I think would put a ban in place if I (or any other parent) asked.

In previous years I have kept her home on special nursery/school days where photos/videos might be taken.

Over the summer, DD really wanted to join in and school allowed photos/videos and asked parents to keep them off SM but unsurprisingly this was ignored.

I get it, I really do. I would love a picture/video of DD having fun/performing with all of her friends but we just can’t.

Do I deny other parents/grandparents/children that pleasure by asking for no photos/videos or yet again have DD miss out completely?

Personal, old-fashioned and probably very unpopular view coming up...

I hate the way parents video or photograph their children's performances/appearances rather than actually watching them. If you're standing at the front with the children, as soon as things start, up goes a forest of arms and phones and all the parents are looking at the phone - not the children!! It must be very disheartening for the children, and selfish because if any parent wanted to be really, really weird and actually watch the performance directly they just can't see anything but arms.

I'd ban the lot. Live in the moment, for goodness sake, people. We used to survive without photographing and filming everything. Just take a private shot of your child in costume, or wait until the end for the curtain call.

Oh course you are not being unreasonable in asking. It's just to keep them off SM, not to
not take them at all.

I’d definitely start with the head teacher and communicate your concerns. You would not be unreasoned to ask for a ban.

I wonder whether the school need to communicate the seriousness of the situation better - is this something you could help them with? Either to support a complete ban or give a final warning.

• Explain why 'no photos on social media' is necessary and the significant impact this has for some children. Some people do think it's for parents who aren't keen on SM and don't realise or consider the wider implications of a child being identified/located. I would also make it clear this is relevant not just a policy for the sake of it - there is a child in the school that needs protecting.

• offer practical solutions to posting online without exposing other children -how to crop photos, using blurring apps etc
• Make it very clear that there is zero tolerance for posting images of other children online and it would result in an immediate ban on ALL photography at school events and the school would support any legal action a parent or carer deemed necessary.

Thank you to all who have responded. Sadly it confirmed my belief that while most parents ‘get it’ and would adhere to a request not to film/take photos and put them on SM, there are a significant few who would do it anyway & the risk those could potentially expose her to are just too high.

She won’t be taking part. She will be very upset as she’s still too little to understand. I want to keep her in our little protective safe bubble a little while longer before she knows the full truth of why she can’t be involved.

Thanks again for responding.

@RagingWoke
I agree with every word you said.
Selfishness is endemic in this society.
'My right to video my child is more important to me than keeping your child safe.'
Bloody awful attitude and if I had a friend with those views, they wouldn't be a friend for much longer.

I think your child should not take part. People will not respect the ban they will do what they want

I think it's a real shame filming/pics should be disallowed. I'd never upload to SM but I do show clips to DH who struggles work-wise to attend school performances, and also with the grandparents. Very annoying that some weird parents are incapable of following a very basic rule not to broadcast on SM. Ideally there'd be "official" footage which protects privacy as needed but allows people to view and keep their own child's performance.

Oh that is sad. Can you speak to the school before withdrawing her?

It's a difficult one because these performance are precious memories to me and I would like one or two photos for my own personal use.
The school needs to clamp down on those breaking the SM rules so no one suffers.

My oldest DS in his last year of school an announcement was made before the nativity that 2 children taking part where vunerable and in care and under a 'no photo/video order' was implace so pictures couldn't be taken.

Theres 2-3 years mixed in the nativity and I have no idea who the 2 kids in care where (although I assume siblings since it started at the same time) but they made it seem pretty strict.

Also when my oldest had his first school play in reception we all went back to the class room and could get a proper photo of JUST our child in their costume.

Thats honestly the only school photo I have really kept, although I took photos other years they just hid forgotton in the back of my phone somewhere.

'My right to video my child is more important to me than keeping your child safe.'
Videoing your child in the school play is a normal and natural thing to want to do, the problem is that this normal and natural thing also makes it much easier for predators to target their prey.
I'm not disagreeing with you but the way I see it at the underlying problem is that, because of the way society has advanced technologically, normal natural things can now be extremely dangerous for other people☹️

I think that the best policy is no photos or filming at all. Parents can then take a photo of their own child alone or school can and sell them if they think there would be a market. Any other option is discriminatory.

My DC's school do a little rerun at most events without the children who don't have permission, so a little fake race after the real one. For the jubilee they did dances and they were all done twice one you could film and one you couldn't. It sounds like they are just going to get them to get back on stage in their positions for the photos at the Nativity. They even ask the parents if they mind being in the photos

Our school have had this issue before and over the years there have been various solutions, e.g:

School releases 'official' video / photos with those children who mustn't be identified blurred out. Parents asked to make a voluntary contribution to PTA funds for the video / photos.

Full cast call on stage at the end of the performance (minus relevant children who get tasked with other things such as shaking the donation bucket by the exit door or handing out mince pies to the parents so they don't feel left out) - parents are invited to come up and take photos of the children on the stage.

Parents can take photos of their child only in the hall after the show.

Speak to the school to see if you can agree on a fair solution. TBH, I think it's much nicer for everyone if parents watch the show without waving a phone / camera around in front of their faces anyway and wish all schools banned them for performances.

I think you should ask the school to ban photos during the performance because the other parents broke the rules about sharing. So unfortunately this is the consequence. I'm sure parents would understand that people have put children at risk by sharing, so unfortunately they're having to be stricter.
They cld do individual photos afterwards maybe.
But it's a no brainer for me if parents can't be trusted not to share. Your daughter shouldn't miss out because there are stupid people. Her involvement is more important than being able to take a photo or two.

To be honest I think that whilst it would be nice for a community, in this case a school, to come together for the benefit of an individual, I don't think it's realistic, and at the end of the day if there is a real possibility that your child could come to harm, I'd have to take the responsibility upon myself, and not let her participate, however difficult that may be.
I would say however , to be prepared for when your child is older. You will have zero chance of policing other children's social media, however much you may like to. At some point your child is going to end up online. In the same way that someone with an airborne allergy won't know and can't control what others on a train are eating, for example you won't be able to stop unknown pre-teens randomly posting stuff. Hopefully by that time their appearance will have changed enough for it not to be so risky.

Please don’t let her miss out OP. Just talk to the school, I’m sure they can arrange something.

Our school has a no filming/photo policy and everyone respects it. If the teachers saw someone breaking the rules they’d ask them to delete it, they’d end up embarrassing themselves.

Is it a performance where she can wear a mask as part of her character?

This is such a good idea. I hated going to the nativity and just being able to see people's phone screens rather than the performance.

Always been the case in DCs school. No photos/ filming during performances. At the end parents are invited to take photos of their own child/ small group ( eg of shepherds ) on stage.

DD’s school is super strict on this. The HT previously had an issue with a violent ex turning up having spotted a child in a photo some idiot had posted on a community Facebook page with literally thousands of followers.

They don’t allow photos during the performance. At the end they recreate a few scenes that can be photographed and people can also take individual photos of their child.

Anyone who tries to take photos during performances is asked to leave and banned from all future school events (and she sticks to it).

@Christmasbahhumbug
As an alternative would the school allow you to come in and watch the dress rehearsal? (Which she could take part in?)
Our school are brilliant and have a blanket no photo rule. They say that any parents caught trying to sneak a photo will be told to delete it and leave immediately (they even had the local pc come to watch the nativity and explain the child protection reasoning before the show.)
They video the performance and then share stills/blurred out videos with parents afterwards. I’ve never seen any photos taken or any shared so it seems to work.

@Christmasbahhumbug you might have already thought of this and realised it isn't possible but just incase its helpful - I have also seen this dealt with by schools the other way round.

So, when handing out the parts for the play the child who can't be photographed is the narrator (and is positioned on a seperate podium at the back of the hall behind the audience); is dressed as a sheep/cow etc and wears a full face mask; is an angel and is covered in glitter and floaty bits all over which disguises their face etc. That way the photos aren't a danger because child is unidentifiable. This has the benefit that you don't have to discuss with the child - its just their part/costume.

I have also seen it done where cameras are banned during the performance but there is a "curtain call" at the end when children go up for pictures which is announced to parents beforehand. Your child participates in the play but doesn't go up for the pictures.

I would say that in both of those cases you have to risk assess because there is still a small chance it could get onto socials (eg if child removes mask and a parent snaps a picture at that moment) but it massively reduces the chance.