Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
RitaSueandBobtwo · 28/11/2022 20:24

Just seen your update that sounds absolutely fine.

Letthekidsplay · 28/11/2022 20:25

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

GoonerGirl5231 · 28/11/2022 20:25

RitaSueandBobtwo · 28/11/2022 20:23

Your message is ok and you are definitely not being unreasonable but I prefer @GoonerGirl5231‘s message. It is more direct and it saves any misunderstandings. If she is such a CF she is likely to say if you are going anyway I might as well just cancel the taxi and get a lift with you again!!!
Unless she has lost her license or doesn’t feel safe driving on country roads at night or something but if that was the case she should have at least been offering petrol money or giving you a bottle of wine and a voucher or something each time.

Oh my god, if she turns round and says "I'll come with you if you're driving now" I hope OP tells her to sod off!

chikp · 28/11/2022 20:25

What a cheeky fucker

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 28/11/2022 20:25

Too many times the prospect of awkwardness stops people from confronting CFs - but that’s precisely what they rely on. Cheeky fuckers!

Newmum0322 · 28/11/2022 20:25

Did she not ever contribute anything? Not lunch or a bottle of wine. Literally nothing?

WomenShouldWinWomensSports · 28/11/2022 20:25

Oh jolly good show OP. She is a CF of the highest order!

Peashoots · 28/11/2022 20:26

She is indeed an absolute cheeky fucker. Well done OP for speaking up. Hope she’s ashamed!

chikp · 28/11/2022 20:26

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:20

Thanks all - I appreciate your comments. I have just sent her this:

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it.
I was hoping that this trip might have been ‘on you’ given that the last 20 have been ‘on me’ but dont worry about it, I will see you there”.

Even if she offers now, it’s going to be awkward but we shall see. I will report back when she responds..
I still can’t actually believe she wants me to pay half….

Great response

Shinyandnew1 · 28/11/2022 20:26

Even if she offers now, it’s going to be awkward

Why? I wouldn’t be giving her a lift if speaking to her again after that message, so no awkwardness!

Celloma · 28/11/2022 20:27

Well done for standing up for yourself.

familyissues12345 · 28/11/2022 20:27

Nice one OP!

Suemademedoit · 28/11/2022 20:27

What is your plan for all future meet ups? Maybe you can use this as an opportunity to take turns?

Well done on standing up for yourself.

Whoputtheramintheramalamadingdong · 28/11/2022 20:27

I can't believe people this brass necked exist! Is this for real?

HeadNorth · 28/11/2022 20:29

Beware - she will get a taxi there and expect you to drive her back. Be prepared - you are not going directly home that evening, so it doesn't work for you.

kiwiandcherries · 28/11/2022 20:29

Good for you! Definitely do not give her a lift now

KMW79 · 28/11/2022 20:29

You’ve done exactly the right thing and your message is perfect!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 28/11/2022 20:29

What a cheeky cow! I’m invested now. Hope she comes back to you.

honeylulu · 28/11/2022 20:30

OP! Yessssssss!!!!

christmascrazylady · 28/11/2022 20:31

Well done

Bigslippers · 28/11/2022 20:31

I am SO PROUD of you OP - like Mother proud 😁
Good for you

DDivaStar · 28/11/2022 20:31

She is a cf and should have offered money or to drive of course. But why wait so long to ask her? she probably thought you were happy with just one drink as you'd never mentioned it......

RowanAtkinsonsRubberyFace · 28/11/2022 20:31

Excellent message OP. She's a CF of the highest order, and I expect she'll be fully outraged because CFs never see any fault of their own. Do not cave in!

PolkaDotMankini · 28/11/2022 20:32

Excellent response OP! Cheeky moo.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 28/11/2022 20:32

Don't ever take her again, I would block her, and then she wont go anymore as all she really wants is a driver and people to drink with.