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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 28/11/2022 20:44

She has responded and asked me how I’m going to get there if we don’t share a taxi!

Reply…’I’m going to drive myself there and back again. I won’t be driving you as this has been a completely one-sided and unappreciated arrangement for 5 years. Had you suggested a lift sharing arrangement rather than trying to fleece me for £40 so you could have a drink (like you have on every single time I have driven you!), I would have agreed, but sadly you did not so the free lifts stop here.’

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 28/11/2022 20:44

Has she asked how are you going to get there if you don’t share a taxi…or how is she going to get there?

Absolute bloody cheek of it if it’s latter!

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:44

I love BMW6 suggestion! Haha 😂

OP posts:
8wheelsmakesmehappy · 28/11/2022 20:45

Well done OP on calling her out! What a CF!

Mrsweasleysclock · 28/11/2022 20:45

I would just respond "I guess I'll still be driving myself. Glad you got a taxi sorted for yourself, see you there."

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 28/11/2022 20:45

What @Shinyandnew1 said! Straight to the point. She needs to hear it in plain English.

RowanAtkinsonsRubberyFace · 28/11/2022 20:46

I'd respond to her with a link to this thread. Then change your username. But don't hold breath for an apology because anyone as self centred as this CF will never admit they're wrong.

NotToBeShaked · 28/11/2022 20:46

Bloody good for you OP. Cheeky fucker!!

She owes you 5 years of petrol.

Gooseysgirl · 28/11/2022 20:47

Christ what a cheeky f*ing bitch!!!!! Totally agree regarding response to latest message... I'm driving, that'll be £80 cash please if you want a lift

Sadbeigechildren · 28/11/2022 20:47

I expected her to immediately realise you might be lift material again.

BMW6 · 28/11/2022 20:48

"Well you have the hide of a rhino don't you. Have another think and reread my responses. Have you always been this self absorbed or have you been on a course?"

Justtheonethanks9099 · 28/11/2022 20:48

I would NOT reply to this greedy bitch's outrageous response.
Block now.

Hidingawaytoday · 28/11/2022 20:48

Mrsweasleysclock · 28/11/2022 20:45

I would just respond "I guess I'll still be driving myself. Glad you got a taxi sorted for yourself, see you there."

My mouth dropped open at your last update, I don't think there's any point pushing it anymore so would just respond with this and leave it at that.

Dixiechickonhols · 28/11/2022 20:49

Good for you Op. I wouldn’t reply further. Don’t let it spoil your night. And don’t back down and give her a lift.

thenightsky · 28/11/2022 20:49

6demandingchildren · 28/11/2022 20:40

Can you a cheap room in a Travelodge for the evening so you can have a few drinks, if not you can tell CF that you are thinking of staying over so that will get you out of taking her if she decides to keep lift sharing.

I'd do this for real. Have done in the past actually.

sweatyannie · 28/11/2022 20:49

Unbelievable!

I wouldn't respond any further.

Jedsnewstar · 28/11/2022 20:49

HeadNorth · 28/11/2022 20:29

Beware - she will get a taxi there and expect you to drive her back. Be prepared - you are not going directly home that evening, so it doesn't work for you.

This.

I bet there are no taxi’s back and she will be stranded…..

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:49

Shinyandnew1 · 28/11/2022 20:44

She has responded and asked me how I’m going to get there if we don’t share a taxi!

Reply…’I’m going to drive myself there and back again. I won’t be driving you as this has been a completely one-sided and unappreciated arrangement for 5 years. Had you suggested a lift sharing arrangement rather than trying to fleece me for £40 so you could have a drink (like you have on every single time I have driven you!), I would have agreed, but sadly you did not so the free lifts stop here.’

Brilliant! Thank you.
I’ve just sent your message. I toned it down a bit as I don’t want to feel uncomfortable at a group that I really enjoy and look forward to…
She has read it but hasn’t responded.. she’s probably wondering why I’m being so mean after being such a sucker for 5 years!

Right, a hot bath and a glass of wine for me now… I feel a blooming stone lighter…
What a CF she is!
I will keep you posted…

OP posts:
keepcalm11 · 28/11/2022 20:51

Your message was good OP making it even more annoying that she's completely missed the point.
The travel lodge suggestion is a good idea.
If you do respond it needs to be very direct, posters will come along with good suggestions

Suemademedoit · 28/11/2022 20:51

“Let me be as clear as I can be: I have been your unpaid taxi service to/from these events for 5 years. That you should have the gall to ask me for a contribution to one, single taxi fare indicates you have given no thought to my free taxi service and nor do you care. I will be driving myself to/from these events from now on. You’ve used me, and it’s stopping now.”

The drinking bit is sort of neither here nor there as you’d be driving yourself anyway (Eg if this woman didn’t live in your village). Don’t muddy the waters with that.

amonsteronthehill · 28/11/2022 20:52

She didn't miss the point; she's hoping you won't have the balls to call her out on her failure to do her share of the driving or contribute to your car/petrol costs for all the lifts she's been enjoying. For years.

I wouldn't respond.

Premier Inn deals are better than Travelodges I've found recently ... maybe you could find a cheap deal close by for the night and stay over/make a weekend of it?

DDivaStar · 28/11/2022 20:52

I would respond i will be driving as usual. If you want to resume 'lift sharing' you have af least 10 drives to even out our arrangement before I drive again.

However I do stand by the fact that if you'd just had this conversation after 2 or 3 drives you may have been able to make a mutually beneficial agreement. But now you're just a bit too pissed off to come back from this.

goadyolddough · 28/11/2022 20:52

I don't think she should even get away with paying for the whole taxi fare. Sounds like she should be paying for more than one!

Do NOT drive her in future!

sweatyannie · 28/11/2022 20:53

Don't tell her about the Travel Lodge ! She'll suggest halving the cost and sharing with you ! Confused

Newusernameaug · 28/11/2022 20:53

Well done OPfor calling her out and thanks for updating us!

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