Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

[Pinot4me]

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

That sounds like a great idea it affordable OP! Celebrate getting rid of your "car mate" for good!

Can't wait to hear her response to that! Good for you for standing up for yourself. What a cow.

It just baffles me how anyone can lack awareness of how they are taking advantage of someone else. Or be aware that they are and proudly not give a shit.

"How will you get there if you don't share the taxi?" WTAF.

Ive just read my own post a few times - if someone else had written it I’d be giving them the same advice as you’re giving me! I’ve been an idiot haven’t I…

When I have a problem I often imagine it as a MN post and how I would respond if it was someone else asking it. Just gives that little bit of distance and helps me see the wood from the trees as it were.

Well done for your messages. Definitely better to speak out than to go along with it and inwardly seethe!

Bravo 👏 you are total goals.

I mean, I don't disagree with any of the PPs and ofc she's a CF BUT I can't understand why you didn't directly ask about the lift sharing 5 years ago!

(I also wouldn't have sent that text (tho I think I'm on my own there!) I'd have instead just directly commented on what I would have expected, no mention of drinking / grim etc)

Is she anti-social in other ways? The comment about not understanding how you’re getting there without a taxi makes her come across as dim or not clued in to social norms.

Great idea to stay overnight in a Travelodge or Premier Inn, you could raise a glass to her with a huge 😁 .

Don't tell her where you're staying though - she'll be wanting to get in your bed!

I'd treat yourself to a stay over because if you don't, and she manages to make her way there, she will hit you up for a ride home. Mark my words.

@Pinot4me - hope you enjoy your wine ... I'm so proud you stood up for yourself and very invested in hearing updates ... well done

Well done op. Good response.

Who doesn’t offer a contribution to petrol costs in this day and age, considering the price of petrol!

Or you could say.oh one of the others in the group have offered me a lift.gld you got your taxi sorted though,see you there.

Yeah your reply is excellent. polite and direct. I think your nieghbour is selfish btw and you are right to stop her taking advantage.

Good on you, OP. I think you've done exactly the right thing and I hope you stick to your guns and don't back down. Can't believe the audacity of her responses! I'm unsure if she is really that dense or unbelievably entitled...

It’s good you’re being direct but I don’t know why you weren’t before. Didn’t you ever say to her directly about car sharing? She shouldn’t have presumed you had no issue with driving her though.

What a cf. Well done op ..very polite and to the point

A friend has a leech like this in their circle and it's been going on for YEARS!
The group takes turns to host and each brings a dish.
Leech has NEVER hosted (my place is too small).
She always offers the dessert and only brings fruit.
But happy to knock back good wine and eat good food.
Scrounges lifts as well.
Thing is, the others have enabled this shitty tight behaviour.

OP, you've handled this brilliantly.

Is she likely to present as the little lost lamb to the rest of the group I wonder now...poor abandoned soul.....
Find people like her will work v v hard so they don't have to make any actual effort!

‘I am sorry. I think may be I wasn’t clear in my last message. What I meant was that I think it is most definitely your turn to drive. I have driven us X amount of times. If you’d rather pay for a taxi for us then that would be very much appreciated. I feel that this would be fair. I am sure you would agree?’

This reminds of a flat mate who refused to go halves on a landline because he had a mobile (as did I). I then had an answer phone message on the landline for him from his garage that he’d clearly given to them. When I passed on the message I added, I’m assuming this means that you would like to contribute to the line rental now? He went ballistic stating that it doesn’t cost me any extra for incoming calls. I said that was fine and that I would be giving out his mobile number and he can pass on messages to me as it won’t cost him anything extra. He was furious. I terminated the living arrangement as I soon as I could!!

When she responds, it will include the phrase 'But you were going there anyway', which while true, does not negate the fact that she was happy for you to absorb 100% of the costs to get there while she absorbed 0% AND got to have a few sociable drinks as well, unlike you.

Well done op!

I'd stay over if you can op.start a new little tradition of going.

I will be driving myself, by myself.
To clear up any misunderstanding, I have given you five years of lifts while you were able to drink. You have have never offered a contribution towards petrol or offered to take a turn at driving. I would have liked to have had a lift and a drink on this occasion and assumed you’d be good for it. Your solution is for me to pay £40 towards a taxi so you can drink.
It doesn’t take a genius to work that this is a one-sided arrangement. I’d be a fool to go along with it any longer. So I’m not. See you there.

Well done 👏

try to get a cheap hotel or B&B then stay over!

So impressed with your update OP!

Oh I cross posted. Yes yes very well done.