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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
BlueSapphireEyes · 28/03/2023 20:34

Well done you! Unbelievable how many CF existing on other people’s good will?
fabulous outcome ✊ you’ve done yourself proud 🙌🏻

Riverlee · 28/03/2023 21:15

Good response, and I agree with the above posters that she was trying to get a lift by the back route.

Iloveacurry · 28/03/2023 21:20

Well done op. Stay strong. She probably wanted you to say yes, then it would be your turn to drive next time. Then before you know it, it would be your turn again at Christmas!

BMW6 · 28/03/2023 21:28

Oh very well done OP, I applaud you!

Tillybobbins · 28/03/2023 22:41

👏👏👏

XanaduKira · 28/03/2023 23:02

Well done Op! I've no doubt that had you accepted her lift, there'd have been an issue that meant you had to drive after all!

MadelineUsher · 28/03/2023 23:50

Good result! Well done. I bet that lift offer was a one-off small 'bouquet' to get you back in place so you can carry on performing your role for her in future.

Enjoy your peaceful solo drives.

Viorica13 · 28/03/2023 23:58

Your story has been a blast. I am really glad you have got the courage to sort it out. Always remember, you are an adult and you do as you please 😊 but of course I only say that because you are too polite, sometimes to your own detriment sadly. I wish you the best!🤗

rainbowssky · 29/03/2023 05:54

Well done op.

Lots of personal growth!

MILLYmo0se · 29/03/2023 07:06

Oh well done, great reply!

KvotheTheBloodless · 29/03/2023 07:51

Nice work, OP! Let us know how tonight goes #overlyinvested

CurzonDax · 29/03/2023 09:41

Well done OP - I genuinely think she would have given you a lift this time. Then she would use it as a reason for you to give her a lift again next time, and the time after, and the time after that, until a pattern re-emerges.

LookItsMeAgain · 29/03/2023 10:02

Well you could knock me down with a feather.

Who had "she'll offer you a lift" in the CF bingo??? Not me that's for sure!

Brilliant reply to her. You've cut those ties that bound you for so long. You're free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rookiemere · 29/03/2023 10:04

Great update, if she tries to get you to cave, you can also mention that it's good for you to be able to leave at a time that works for you.

Mind you now that she's not drinking, I wonder if she'll be so keen to stay late with no free chauffeur.

NameChangeFor2023 · 29/03/2023 11:43

Anyone else here for the CF's inevitable car troubles today "oh since you're driving anyway, I won't be any trouble and will listen to your audiobook with you"

She's either found this thread or isn't as far out a CF as some others, if not.

Hope it is smooth for you OP. Hope it isn't, for us!! 😅 good work.

viques · 29/03/2023 12:32

NameChangeFor2023 · 29/03/2023 11:43

Anyone else here for the CF's inevitable car troubles today "oh since you're driving anyway, I won't be any trouble and will listen to your audiobook with you"

She's either found this thread or isn't as far out a CF as some others, if not.

Hope it is smooth for you OP. Hope it isn't, for us!! 😅 good work.

Shame Pinot is in a library/ meeting/ coal mine/ operating theatre/ cinema/ church/ visiting a silent order of nuns and has her phone turned off all day so missing all her messages. 🙂

NameChangeFor2023 · 29/03/2023 13:20

I thought she had an impromptu trip to the moon before the meeting?

amonsteronthehill · 29/03/2023 17:21

Wonder if she's seen this thread... quite a switch!

MrsWidgerysLodger · 29/03/2023 17:26

LookItsMeAgain · 29/03/2023 10:02

Well you could knock me down with a feather.

Who had "she'll offer you a lift" in the CF bingo??? Not me that's for sure!

Brilliant reply to her. You've cut those ties that bound you for so long. You're free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I reckon she's thought if she does one or two lifts she can wheedle her way into OP eventually doing them all again... Either that or she's found the thread and realised what a CF she's been.

cookiesbeforepookies · 29/03/2023 17:50

She’s finally realised if she hadn’t been so greedy/lazy, she could have had 50% free lifts.

MavisMcMinty · 29/03/2023 18:40

Assuming she understands the connection between her asking £40 for the OP’s “share” of her taxi and her now having to drive herself there forever more, she must be bitterly regretting that refusal to do the driving last Christmas.

1dontunderstand · 30/03/2023 23:36

Thank You for the updated, and we’ll done you!!

Yogachick · 31/03/2023 08:08

@MavisMcMinty you know she really won’t make that connection and will just be raging at the unfairness of OP

emptythelitterbox · 31/03/2023 12:36

Well done OP. You're forever this CF free.

Noodles1234 · 31/03/2023 18:27

Well done, I am waiting for March update now x