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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 31/03/2023 19:07

She messaged me today and offered me a lift!!

She’s finally realised, too late, what she’s lost!

Hope you have/had a good time, OP.

GiantKitten · 31/03/2023 20:10

Noodles1234 · 31/03/2023 18:27

Well done, I am waiting for March update now x

We’ve had it 🙂
(look upthread)

Blueink · 31/03/2023 22:05

Great update OP and thought your message was assertive and balanced.

Let us know how the meet up went, hopefully drama free!

SleekMamma · 01/04/2023 09:21

This is why I love Mumsnet.
Came for the breastfeeding advice.
Stayed for the feminisim and entertaining supportive female empowerment!

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 02/04/2023 17:56

How was the meet up OP? Did she bitch,

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 02/04/2023 17:57

.....to anybody about the lack of lift?!

Bucketheadbucketbum · 02/04/2023 17:58

Your message is perfect. Never give her a lift again

Lulu123450 · 19/12/2023 21:58

You should be taking it in turns, you are not being unreasonable

SadKenny · 19/12/2023 22:00

Lulu123450 · 19/12/2023 21:58

You should be taking it in turns, you are not being unreasonable

🧟‍♂️

latetothefisting · 19/12/2023 22:58

to be fair, although it's a zombie, now it's been resurrected I remember it and would be interested to know how CF proceeded over the last year and if @Pinot4me stuck to her guns?!

Gogodonu · 19/12/2023 23:34

Yes me too

Banrion · 20/12/2023 00:00

Me too!

stillholly · 20/12/2023 00:17

Pinot4me · 28/03/2023 16:56

She messaged me today and offered me a lift!!
I thanked her for the kind offer but stood firm and said that I would prefer to get there under my own steam. I said that I really enjoyed time alone in the car to listen to an audio book, listen to music, phone a friend etc and that I preferred not to lift share going forward.
I also said that I was looking forward to the meet up and to seeing everyone and that I would see her there.
This is so unlike me. I’m normally such a people pleaser!!
Having come this far I’m not caving now. I couldn’t face telling you lot mostly… haha!
Thanks so much to everyone that has commented and supported. I can’t believe the interest the post has created.
Reading back through your comments I can see that CF’s do indeed exist everywhere! I won’t be enabling this particular CF any longer!

Well done Op!

Any further updates as the year and potential Xmas party has gone on?

Bleachmycloths · 20/12/2023 05:09

I remember this thread (and I’ve just worked out what a Zombie is 🤪).
OP, I think one reason you had lots of responses is because you are clearly a very nice person who had an epiphany so everyone wanted to see you through your journey of dealing with this CF.
I LOVE CF stories. Especially when they are dealt with politely, firmly and effectively.
I would love to know people’s ideas on ‘What makes a CF?’ along with entertaining examples. I shall search MN for similar threads 😄

GaryLurcher19 · 20/12/2023 05:17

Say "you pay the 80 quid this time and drive for the next 5 years, I'll pick up the 80 tab in 2028, then we're square"

She's a CF.

PostmansKnock · 20/12/2023 06:24

Lulu123450 · 19/12/2023 21:58

You should be taking it in turns, you are not being unreasonable

Not really as the OP has made the decision over a year ago to do,what she wants and she doesn't want to take turns. It's all sorted out now.

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 20/12/2023 07:26

I'd be interested in an update too please OP!

user1471462634 · 20/12/2023 08:02

I remember this....me too please, OP.
Wonder if the CF asked someone else this year...

Lulu123450 · 20/12/2023 09:13

Yes I know, I got heavily invested in this thread after I’d wrote that comment without reading through it too much.

cookiesbeforepookies · 20/12/2023 17:35

@Pinot4me
@Pinot4me
@Pinot4me

I have summoned OP 3 times so she will return

SparklyMularky · 21/12/2023 08:27

cookiesbeforepookies · 20/12/2023 17:35

@Pinot4me
@Pinot4me
@Pinot4me

I have summoned OP 3 times so she will return

😂😂😂

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