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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas Day

425 replies

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 19:22

This year has been a busy year and my husband and I have decided to spend Christmas Day just the two of us with our two dogs. He’ll be spending the week before Christmas with his mother at her home as I’ll be working. My husband and I will spend Christmas Day together at home before I spend a few days with family and friends then come back home and us spend a few days together before starting the new working year. My husband has said his mother is still upset she won’t get to spend Christmas Day with us, despite seeing him for a week! We’ve spent the last few years with family on Christmas Day and want this year to ourselves for one day. AIBU?

OP posts:
MammaWeasel · 27/11/2022 19:26

Not unreasonable at all but could you spend a day or half day with your dh and his mother and "do" Christmas a bit early for her?

NuffSaidSam · 27/11/2022 19:27

Is she going to be on her own?

Lkydfju · 27/11/2022 19:28

We did this one year; we felt like no body seemed happy by the arrangements we tried when we shared the time so if we couldn’t make them happy whatever we did we might as well please ourselves and it was lovely; one of my favourite

WeAreAllLionesses · 27/11/2022 19:28

IME someone is ALWAYS upset about Christmas Day plans.

You can't please everyone, people get really funny about this one day per year.

Wibbly1008 · 27/11/2022 19:30

Do what you want to do. No one knows what next year will bring, do what makes you happy. The guilt police will have to get another victim.

DangerNoodles · 27/11/2022 19:31

If she will be on her own YABU, unless there is a massive back story about abuse etc.

Skelligsfeathers · 27/11/2022 19:32

The majority of people do not want to be alone on Christmas day and even if she has spent a week with him, if she is going to be alone on Christmas day then yes she will be upset.

biggerbetterfasterstronger · 27/11/2022 19:34

Will she be on her own?
tbh it’s a bit heartless not to spend Christmas Day or at least part of it with her

Unless a big drip feed is coming you can spend so many days/ weekends together over the year but for mil Christmas Day is Christmas Day

Pictograph · 27/11/2022 19:35

Will she be on her own or is she seeing other family members?

justcallmebozo · 27/11/2022 19:37

@Evans60 "My husband has said his mother is still upset she won’t get to spend Christmas Day with us, despite seeing him for a week!" -

So give her the choice, a week before christmas OR christmas day.
But not both!

vincettenoir · 27/11/2022 19:41

Although I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for wanting some time to yourselves, I can understand that your MIL (who is probably elderly) is unhappy to spend Xmas day by herself.

ilovesooty · 27/11/2022 19:42

I'm not saying you're BU but I know my mother would have been very upset when she was on her own if she'd been alone on Christmas day, even if I'd spent the week prior to it with her. Perhaps your MIL is the same.

Original poster
Evans60 · 27/11/2022 19:42

She’s 57 and has friends she could spend the day with and other family members.

OP posts:
chopc · 27/11/2022 19:47

YABU

Why can't you have your Christmas together alone another day

No one wants to be on their own at Christmas nor invite themselves around to anyone. So if you are leaving her alone then yes YABU

user564576 · 27/11/2022 19:50

Well if she usually spends it with him, and doesn't have a spouse or other children then it's very late in the day to be saying you want a day alone. She may have other friends and family but are they the type she'd spend Christmas with?

FourChimneys · 27/11/2022 19:52

The biggest problem is how as a society people have become obsessed with one date in the calendar.

If you are a Christian then presumably you will go to church and see people then. Or the church will arrange visits to the housebound. If you're not then it's just another weekend/Bank Holiday type day.

Giving up Christmas with the full approval of adult DS and DD is the best thing ever. No pressure to do anything complicated and no stress about who anyone is offending. A nice family meal can happen any weekend when people have nothing more pressing to do.

Doowop1919 · 27/11/2022 19:52

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 19:42

She’s 57 and has friends she could spend the day with and other family members.

Sounds like no other children and no partner? If this is the case, Yabu. It would be a shame to leave her on her own / to ask others if she can spend the day with them.

coodawoodashooda · 27/11/2022 19:54

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 19:42

She’s 57 and has friends she could spend the day with and other family members.

Yabu

coodawoodashooda · 27/11/2022 19:55

You could have your day at home anytime.

chikp · 27/11/2022 19:56

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 19:42

She’s 57 and has friends she could spend the day with and other family members.

Is this friends or family members who have invited her to Christmas?

UsingChangeofName · 27/11/2022 19:56

I think it depends.
Are there other dc?
A husband / Partner?
Or will she be on her own ?

Original poster
Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 27/11/2022 20:03

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

Harsh. It's clear you wouldn't welcome her.

user564576 · 27/11/2022 20:03

@Evans60 so the fuck what? That means she deserves to spend Christmas on her own? She has a son, she has not "actively chosen" to be alone, you sound awful. The DIL every mother dreads.

Beginning to think this is a reverse.

Byelaws · 27/11/2022 20:05

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

um ok so I am changing my vote to YABU.

You just sound nasty

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