Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas Day

425 replies

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 19:22

This year has been a busy year and my husband and I have decided to spend Christmas Day just the two of us with our two dogs. He’ll be spending the week before Christmas with his mother at her home as I’ll be working. My husband and I will spend Christmas Day together at home before I spend a few days with family and friends then come back home and us spend a few days together before starting the new working year. My husband has said his mother is still upset she won’t get to spend Christmas Day with us, despite seeing him for a week! We’ve spent the last few years with family on Christmas Day and want this year to ourselves for one day. AIBU?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/11/2022 20:05

When DH arranged his week with her was he clear he wasn’t going to spend Christmas with her? It sounds like she’s just found out.

Has she had or is she likely to have invitations from friends or other relatives? Is DH going to regret not seeing her either because he’ll miss what’s usual or out of guilt?

Do what will make you happy and acting out of guilt if you’re doing things that make you unhappy is daft as it leads to resentment. But it sounds like DH is wavering…

gelatogina · 27/11/2022 20:05

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

Ouch

chopc · 27/11/2022 20:07

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

You for real????

IneedanewTV · 27/11/2022 20:08

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

That sounds rude. Do you like her?

Original poster
Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:09

No I am saying it is not our fault that she is on her own and should not be made responsible for this. We’re planning to go skiing one Christmas as it’s one of my husband’s passions - is this something we should be unable to do?

OP posts:
chikp · 27/11/2022 20:11

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

Low blow OP

Travis1 · 27/11/2022 20:11

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

Wow. Aren’t you a fucking peach

IneedanewTV · 27/11/2022 20:11

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:09

No I am saying it is not our fault that she is on her own and should not be made responsible for this. We’re planning to go skiing one Christmas as it’s one of my husband’s passions - is this something we should be unable to do?

How old is your husband? When you say she didn’t 20 years on her own does that me her marriage finished when she was 37 so has she spent many years as a single parent bringing your H up?

user564576 · 27/11/2022 20:12

@Evans60 it wouldn't be your fault if she got cancer, but you'd look after her right? Or at least your husband. That's what families do.

Ginger1982 · 27/11/2022 20:12

What if it was your mother? Would you leave her alone? Or what if it was you and your kid said they were going to leave you alone on Christmas Day?

mamabear715 · 27/11/2022 20:13

Oof.

OatcakeCravings · 27/11/2022 20:15

Unless there is going to be a massive drip feed about how awful she is (which doesn’t seem to be the case as your DH is spending a whole week with her) then YABU, why would you purposefully leave a close loved relative on their own at Xmas? Include her in your plans and have your day together later eg Boxing Day, you aren’t children so it should be very easy to recreate your Xmas plans on another day during the festive season.

Like it or not most people think of Xmas day as a family day, your MIL is family, of course she is going to be upset she isn’t with her family.

Original poster
Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:15

i wouldn’t care honestly - i’ve spent many Christmas days working in the past. My mother will be alone and I’ll see her a few days later for dinner. She is fine with this as she doesn’t care for Christmas.

OP posts:
strawberrysunrise · 27/11/2022 20:15

Yous sound like a dick

upinastar · 27/11/2022 20:15

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

Wow. That's really not a nice way to think. What you are basically saying there is so what if she's by her self, it's her own fault.

chikp · 27/11/2022 20:16

Could you go skiing by yourself and then your DH can spend it with his mum. Seeing as you clearly don't like her that might be best

chikp · 27/11/2022 20:16

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:15

i wouldn’t care honestly - i’ve spent many Christmas days working in the past. My mother will be alone and I’ll see her a few days later for dinner. She is fine with this as she doesn’t care for Christmas.

You spend it alone then.

Skelligsfeathers · 27/11/2022 20:18

can I ask how old you are?

Ihatecocomelon · 27/11/2022 20:18

People like you, op, deserve to be alone on Christmas day. Poor mil.

Doowop1919 · 27/11/2022 20:20

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 20:01

She is on her own by choice. She’s had 20 years to meet someone else and lots of opportunity to but has chosen to be on her own after her last husband left her.

Wow. Heartless.

Whendovescry03 · 27/11/2022 20:20

I don't think you're being unreasonable and I don't see the issue at all. She's a grown woman and can surely sort herself out for Christmas day without you feeling pressured to spend it with her.

Hbh17 · 27/11/2022 20:21

There is nothing wrong with spending Xmas Day alone - many people enjoy it. The MIL is not elderly, and obviously has lots of other options, so it is up to her to organise something if she is bothered.
I made a rule of "no relatives at Xmas" in my early 20s, and stuck to it ever since (over 30 years) - it's brilliant. Please don't let your MIL manipulate you.

LovePoppy · 27/11/2022 20:23

chopc · 27/11/2022 19:47

YABU

Why can't you have your Christmas together alone another day

No one wants to be on their own at Christmas nor invite themselves around to anyone. So if you are leaving her alone then yes YABU

I love this answer 😂😂

please lie down and be a doormat for another woman OP. You don’t matter. Only the older women do.

chikp · 27/11/2022 20:23

Hbh17 · 27/11/2022 20:21

There is nothing wrong with spending Xmas Day alone - many people enjoy it. The MIL is not elderly, and obviously has lots of other options, so it is up to her to organise something if she is bothered.
I made a rule of "no relatives at Xmas" in my early 20s, and stuck to it ever since (over 30 years) - it's brilliant. Please don't let your MIL manipulate you.

Are they other options?

SunshineAndFizz · 27/11/2022 20:23

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 19:42

She’s 57 and has friends she could spend the day with and other family members.

If she has no partner and no other kids to spend the day with, then yeah you're being unreasonable.

Going skiing is different - there are barriers to her doing that and it would be planned far Ain advance. But a regular Christmas at home, invite her.